Dear Mother

June 11th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

Dear Mother,

I miss you. I wanted to think of something poetic, that would truly touch the heart of those who read this, but those who deal with loss know that’s enough. I miss you.

Our family affairs, I spend waiting for the moment you would walk through the door. You never come, I know better than to think that one day you will.

I dream about you, when my mind is cluttered and my soul isn’t as ease. These are the moments I need you most and you never let me down. You don’t come with words of sorrow, validating the feelings I have inside. You come with rage.

You tell me to move on, and to move forward. Even though you’re gone I still fear what will happen if I don’t obey. You did such a great job raising me. I was lucky enough to realize it before God called you home.

I know God loved his children. He even sends angels to watch over us. You were my angel. It was alot asking you to take in an infant when you had one son and a daughter on the way. You did it though.

I never once felt like I was anything other than your child. I got my share of snacks, two of the Klondike bars, I got my share of extra homework, believe if your teacher didn’t send any home you had some anyway, and I got my fair share of ass whoopins, I feel okay saying that cause I give them out now.

It wasn’t always easy, but we never saw you struggle. I know it had to be nights you wondered how you were going to go on, but there was only mornings of getting up and living. Nothing in life was worth sulking. It only required you keep moving forward.

You didn’t teach me politics, you taught me principles. You didn’t teach me economics, you taught me home to stretch a dollar til it popped. You didn’t teach me I could do anything, you dared me to say there was something I couldn’t do.

How do I thank you for that? If you were here you would give me that look that said how dare I ask such a question. Then I would’ve backed down. Now I would tell you, you were an angel, my Angel. I thank God everyday for you.

I miss you, but I’m not sad your gone. You told me, when all your children were gone you were going to disappear. We weren’t going to be able to find you. I laughed but I kinda knew it was true. You filled your blessing meter so high, so fast God had no choice but to allow you to rest.

I have to show the unselfishness you’ve always shown me. I want you to be at peace, watching over our family. Keeping us together when we don’t like each other that much. I

I could sit here all day telling you all the things you did for me, but that wouldn’t honor your memory. Instead, I’ll take care of me and mine. I’ll make sure I stand up and make my voice heard and my words count. I will raise my daughter to be better than me.

I’ll continue to move on. That’s how I’ll honor you.