A Time For Change: Chapter 7

December 12th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

I titled the entry with a date, as I had done every significant event that happened to me since I left Richmond. When my mind got racing I had to write down my thoughts quick. When I was home Lena would have listened. I wouldn’t have needed to look at a calendar to figure out the date. May 4^th. I gasped for air. All thoughts of why I had ventured into Sean’s room disappeared.

It was our anniversary. I wondered if he had thought of me today. Did he go to our spot and spark a blunt? Did he let Toni Braxton float through his radio waves to remember how I felt? I didn’t even remember what day it was.

I pushed the thoughts out of my head fast. I opened the safe and pulled out the best weed I had. I moved the stacks of hundred dollar bills that blocked the little glad lock containers of weed I kept. I grabbed the NYC Diesel. I heard Sean in the back of my mind telling me I over think on the D. I pulled the Heavy Duty Fruity from the corner backing.

“This should lighten the mood a little bit.” I said out loud.

“Did you forget I was out here?”

“Ain’t nobody forgot about you. Answer the door when Lob knocks in a few minutes.” Then I thought of all the shit she had been through tonight. It tickled me a little a bit. I’m surprised that she wasn’t in a rush to leave. I giggled to myself again and softened my attitude just a little. “Just Lob in and nobody else. Please?” I said after a short pause. I listened for her to respond, but instead I heard the locks begin to unclick. Then I heard Lob’s voice clear and less rapid than it had been earlier.

“I’ll be out in just a second.” I shouted as I locked the safe with the key and scrambled the numbers on the combination spinner. I rolled down the Ashanti poster, Sean used to cover the hole in the wall that held the safe. I pinned the bottom down with thumbtacks. I grabbed the dirty gun from under Sean’s pillow. He had found it and brought it home. Other kids bring home stray dogs or cats. My boy brings home guns.

I stuck the gun in the front of my waistband. I stopped and listened to make sure I didn’t hear any voice other than Lob. News travels fast around the hood. He could all ready know Goldie ain’t protecting me any more. I heard him and Trish laughing. I had only seen Lob laugh when he was real drunk. I stuck my head out the door and there they were chatting it up on the couch.

Trish had a real way of talking to people. She could deal with people feeding her bullshit, without getting upset. Then she even managed to get her way. She could pull information out of people, but I didn’t know if she was capable of using that info to hurt people. I had a lot of questions about how Trish would handle The Life.

I opened the door and Trish got up. I asked her to wait in my bedroom for a minute. She did with no objection. Before she disappeared she turned around a flashed Lob a smile. He smirked and nodded back, then she continued down the hallway into my room.

When the door clicked, Lob began to talk. “Goldie was supposed to make four major deliveries today. He’s got a lot of very hungry niggas out looking for him. Nobody seen him, heard from him since those shots popped off earlier. I’m the only one that knows he was here.” I put my hand up and he stopped. I got up and started to pace the floor in the same tracks that Goldie had traced earlier. Lob attempted to start talking again, but I gave him a look that made him adjust himself in the chair. I didn’t know what to think. I paced a couple more steps then motioned for him to finish speaking.

“I don’t know exactly what’s going on out there. I’m making sure that no one can get close to here though. I got your block tight, but the other areas can’t be controlled right now.”

“How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing. Just stay in the crib.”

“You never do anything for free. What’s the catch? Coming back to get me later?”

“Come on now.”

“You don’t do anything for free. Why should I trust you if you won’t accept my money?”

“I’ve been paid already. You couldn’t match what I’m being paid to keep you safe. Just stay in the crib and I’ll be back later.”

“Paid by who?” I asked in a calm voice, then once again in a much louder demanding voice as he continued to walk away without an answer. I rushed in front of the door to block him from exiting. “Paid by who?” I glared into his eyes making sure not to blink, making sure he knew that I was serious.

“Look, you’ll be safe tonight. Just stay inside please.” He said in an almost pleading manner. I moved out the way and let him pass. “Lock the door. I’ll be back in a little bit to check on you.” Then he closed the door. I stood there staring blankly. “Lock the door.” I heard him yell from the outside. I began locking the door when I heard him yell “Thank you.”

I went into Sean’s bedroom and rolled up. I was so deep in thought, I didn’t even remember breaking the weed up, opening the wrap, or even lighting up. I snapped back into reality when the Heavy duty made me choke. I inhaled again before I finished coughing, which only caused me to cough harder.

“You okay?”

“You wanna hit this?”

“Naw. Can I come in?’

“Just give me a sec okay.”

‘What else could happen tonight. What else could possibly go wrong?’ I thought to myself as I noticed my notebook on the bed. Sean, where are you?

A Big House Reality: Chapter 6

December 9th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

Thelma hated being in her house alone. Her divorce would be final in a few days, and all she could do was think about James. She hadn’t spent a lot of time with her kids since they chose to move with their father. Had she really been so horrible, her whole family would leave her. She thought about the way her life had played out over the last couple months. She couldn’t see what she had done wrong.

She picked up the phone to call James, but quickly slammed the receiver down. What could she say this time that would be different from what she said last time. She hung her head, then stood up and shouted out into the room. ‘I was the best thing he ever had. What he gonna do without me?’ Then collapsed back in her chair and broke into tears.

The phone began to ring. She wiped her eyes and cleared her throat.

“Hello.”

“Mrs. Irving, this is Wendy Watchman of FR Productions. How are you today?”

“I’m fine. I was wondering when I was going to hear from you again.”

“Sorry, got caught up in some technical stuff, but everything is fine now. We’ve set up the show for the weekend of June 3^rd.”

“And I need my entire family for this correct?”

“Yes ma’am, and confidentiality is also very important.”

“I am looking forward to this, Ms. Watchman.”

“Great. I can’t wait to meet you and your family.”

Thelma couldn’t wait to call James. She was going so fast she had to redial the number several times before getting it right. The conversation was short, as James agreed to the date and told Thelma he looked forward to seeing her before hanging up. How could he do that? He made you feel so bad, by doing nothing but being sweet. She could sure use him for the other things he does well. She was tired of buying new batteries.

A Big House Reality: Chapter 6

December 9th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

Thelma hated being in her house alone. Her divorce would be final in a few days, and all she could do was think about James. She hadn’t spent a lot of time with her kids since they chose to move with their father. Had she really been so horrible, her whole family would leave her. She thought about the way her life had played out over the last couple months. She couldn’t see what she had done wrong.

She picked up the phone to call James, but quickly slammed the receiver down. What could she say this time that would be different from what she said last time. She hung her head, then stood up and shouted out into the room. ‘I was the best thing he ever had. What he gonna do without me?’ Then collapsed back in her chair and broke into tears.

The phone began to ring. She wiped her eyes and cleared her throat.

“Hello.”

“Mrs. Irving, this is Wendy Watchman of FR Productions. How are you today?”

“I’m fine. I was wondering when I was going to hear from you again.”

“Sorry, got caught up in some technical stuff, but everything is fine now. We’ve set up the show for the weekend of June 3^rd.”

“And I need my entire family for this correct?”

“Yes ma’am, and confidentiality is also very important.”

“I am looking forward to this, Ms. Watchman.”

“Great. I can’t wait to meet you and your family.”

Thelma couldn’t wait to call James. She was going so fast she had to redial the number several times before getting it right. The conversation was short, as James agreed to the date and told Thelma he looked forward to seeing her before hanging up. How could he do that? He made you feel so bad, by doing nothing but being sweet. She could

A Big House Reality: Chapter 5

November 14th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

Rose wasn’t allowed to answer the phone, unless Daniel or one of the boys were around. Cain rushed in looking like he was expecting a call. Rose motioned for him to slow down and picked up the receiver.

“Marshall Residents.”

“May I speak to Daniel Marshall?”

“He’s at work right now. Maybe you should call him on his cell.”

“I don’t have that number. Would you leave him a message for me?”

“I don’t concern myself with his personal affairs, so I think you should call him on his cell. I can give you the number.”

“No, that’s okay. I found a fax number for him. I’ll reach him that way. Thanks.”

“I know that wasn’t her.” Cain said disappointed.

“Cain, if she wanted to talk to you, she would have called by now.”

“I know mom. I just had a feeling she would call today.”

“Where’s your brother? You know your father likes to see him when he gets home.”

“Don’t worry when dad gets here, Marcus will come out. Until then let’s not rush it. Wanna play a game of chess?”

She nodded her head as she moved toward the chess board.

“Mom, do you miss her, even a little bit?”

“Let’s not talk about that. It’s your move.”

Cain appeased his mother and moved a pawn on the board. This was a game his mother played well. If only she was that good at chess.

A Time For Change: Chapter 6

November 14th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

I didn’t know what to say, so I sat there and said nothing. Sky looked blank and distant. She didn’t move, just stood there with her back to the still open door. I didn’t move, just stayed leaning against the wall of her hallway.

“Do you know how to roll up?” She asked as she finally broke the silence. I shook my head yes. “You any good?”

“I never rolled a wrap before, but I’m sure it isn’t that different.”

Sky said never mind, as she passed me in the hallway in route to her room. I wanted to follow her, but she shut the door before I even turned around. I walked to the door just as a little hood rat poked his head in. I held my hand to his chest as he tried to force his way through the door.

“Sky, you all right” He yelled at the top of his voice.

“She’s fine. Just went to get her head straight. Can I help you with something?”

“Naw. Tell her to hit up Lob when she gets the chance.” He started walking away before he even finished his sentence. I’m beginning to understand where Sky gets cutting people off before they finish speaking. I closed the door and latched every lock lining the door frame. When I finished, I heard Sky’s bedroom door open. She stuck her head out and looked around.

“Was that Lob?”

“Yeah”
“Good” she said as she went into the room Sean came out earlier. She closed the door behind her.

A Time For Change:Chapter 5

October 26th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

When I heard the car tires spin off, I knew that it was Trish, and her cab driver was trying to get out of here and fast. I was surprised the he had brought her this far into Lynnville , at night no less. I unlocked all the bolts on the door and peeped my head out. Trish was making her way through the hood rats that returned for the best post up position. I bet that was the number one cause of murder around here. Goldie doesn’t control his people. His philosophy is the strong survive. So, if you can’t protect your corner, you lost it. I understood his point of view, but I thought that caused more slow money days. It wasn’t my block so I let him run it his way. It’s just hard to keep up with all the changes that happen on this block. Back home you knew everyone on the set and if someone new came in he would meet the welcoming party.

Trish came through the door with a little baggie in her hand. The little boy on the corner said this would blow your mind. I stuck my head out the door, Lil J, raised his hand. I mouthed ‘how much’. He put both hands in the air and smiled so I could see his mouth full of shiny teeth. I nodded and closed the door.

I grabbed the bag out of Trish’s hand. She stood there stunned. I guess she thought that my place would be decked out. She was stuck in one spot. I asked if she wanted something to drink. She said something strong, so I poured us both Hennessey straight in my fancy glasses. I had thought about fixing this place up, but I kept too much money in here, giving fiends another reason to break in was pushing it.

“So, now I see why you never want company.”

Just as I was about to tell her she could get the fuck out, there came a very fast loud knocking on the door. I set the glasses down on the living room table, and opened the chestnut box in the middle. I pulled out my .25 and walked to the door. I asked who it was, as I peeked through the hole.

“Goldie!” he shouted. “We need to talk.”

“This is why I don’t have company. Just sit still and be quiet.” I said as I motioned Trish to take a seat on the love seat in the corner of the room. I tucked the gun into the back of my sweats and pulled the strings tight enough to hold it in place. I pulled my shirt over the back and opened the door. Goldie pushed his way in. I was not used to seeing him in this state. I stood back as he paced the floor, mumbling under his breath.

“What’s up, Goldie?” He continued to pace the floor as if the words had never come out of my mouth. I hate when I waste my words, but by his demeanor, I thought it better to wait until he composed himself. He was dressed up in his war gear. All black, scully, gloves and all. Sweat beads formed and fell from his forehead every time he took a breath. His hands were balled into fist, clenched tight. His mouth was tight with every word that partially managed to get uttered. Then like some thing had broken his trance, he stopped.

“I need a re-up. Tonight.” He said in a softer, more acceptable tone.

“It doesn’t work like that, and you know it.” I calmly replied as he began pacing the floor again. “Plus, we’re in the presence of mixed company.”

“I don’t give a fuck about that bitch. I lost all my work tonight. Do you hear me? All of it. I got my two main soldiers coming, and I ain’t got no work.”

“I didn’t rob you, so you need to calm the fuck down. You need to remember who the fuck you are talking to.” I started to reach around my back for my gun when Sean’s voice startled me.

“Where the fuck you been?” Goldie shouted at Sean. “You should have been out there holdin me down. You ain’t no fucking good. Ain’t never been good. Ain’t gon never be good. I should have let your mom abort you.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had never heard Goldie lose his grip that way. I’ve seen him beat a man within an inch of his life, but that was slight aggression. This was something different. This was rage. Sean stood there expression less. The last time I saw that look on his face, I had just met him. I remembered how sorry I had felt for him.

I knew that the best thing to do was let them work things out for themselves, but as Goldies’ remark got more loud and hateful, it got harder to sit by. Goldie’s attention was locked on Sean, so I took that time to get better position flanking Goldie. He had kept me safe over the last two years, and I appreciated it, but Sean was my son. He was the only one in town that knew my real name, my real story.

I made eye contact with Trish. She was more intrigued than she was scared. I stared at her with an intense glare hoping to get her attention with out drawing Goldie’s. She caught my gaze, and I darted my eyes towards the hallway that lead to two tiny bedrooms. She shifted in her chair and made the handle of her .25 very noticeable from my angle. I was shocked, but was snapped back into reality quickly when Goldie mentioned my name.

“You think that bitch really gives a damn about you?” He questioned as he shot his eyes towards me. That was it. He had gone too far. I put my head down like I was to scared to say anything. He turned back facing Sean, who was no longer standing in the hallway. He was making his way in front of Trish. “See, she act like she all hard, but when it comes down to it,”

He stopped talking as he felt the barrel of my gun push into the back of his head. He put both his hands in the air.

“Bitch, you know I’ll kill you for this.”

“I think I gave you the wrong representation of myself. You think I give a damn if you call me names. You think I can’t handle a want to be drug dealer.” I pulled back the hammer of the gun, loud enough to make sure it was a clear and resounding noise that made Goldie flinch. “I made you what you are. Don’t you forget that. I gave you the work that made you a king. I have nothing to lose and taking your life would mean nothing to me. I can get your body disposed of for a minimal cost. Matter of fact I bet I can get it done for free.”

Sean shook his head. He hadn’t spoke since he had called my name upon making his first appearance. I didn’t know exactly what he wanted until he took his gun out of his pants. He slid it to Trish. I reached into the back of Goldie’s pants until I located the butt of his gun. I pulled it from his pants and handed it to Sean. He gave Goldie’s gun to Trish, who grasped it with the bottom of her tank velour top. I took two steps back and to the side to make room for Goldie to get out the front door. I still had my gun pointed to his head as he turned and focused his dark eyes on me.

I put the gun down to my side and regained those steps as I got real up close and personal with Goldie. The stature of his hard shoulders softened the more he realized I wasn’t scared. The truth be told, I was terrified. I didn’t give it away though. I stood there motionless like a tree. He huffed and puffed under his breath.

“No matter how hard the wind blows, the mountain will never bow to it.” Goldie was a little slow on the up take. He didn’t understand what I had said. I dropped my head slightly in disgust. I guess that was the mistake Goldie was waiting for. He grabbed my throat and began to choke the shit out of me. I swung the gun and connected with the top of Goldie’s head. It didn’t stop him, so I didn’t stop either. After the fourth hit, his grasp loosened from my neck, in time to see Sean pushing Trish into his bedroom. I swung one more time and this one opened a huge gash on Goldie’s forehead. He stuttered back and then made is way to the door.

“This isn’t over, bitch.” I heard him remark, as I tried to regain my breath. The door closed with a loud bang, and I felt a hand on my back. Without thinking I turned a swung. I put too much behind the punch, thankfully. I lost my balance and just grazed the side of Sean’s face. I felt wetness on my knuckles and immediately turned my attention to Sean. There was a stream of tears rolling down his face. I had never seen him cry. Everything that boy had been through, and this was the first time I had seen him cry.

He grabbed my hand and kissed it. My eyes begged him, NO. I grasped his hand hard and began shaking my head, NO. His eyes pleaded with me. Usually he asks me to help him get out of trouble. This time he wanted me to let him go. I knew I had no choice. I called for Trish. She opened the door.

“Give him his gun back.” I said refusing to let go of Sean’s hand. She wiped off the gun and handed it back to Sean. He took it with his free hand. My eyes began to fill and the tears burned right into my brain. I couldn’t lose him. I couldn’t let that happen.

“I’m tired of being tired.” He caught my attention. I let go of his hand, stood up, and wiped my face. Here he was 13, caught in a life that he didn’t ask for, but instead of running he was going to fight back. All this time I thought I was teaching him. It’s sad when you realize too late the lessons you should learn.

“Ready for war?” I asked trying to hide what I was really feeling. His face hardened over, and his body became tense. His fist clenched the gun, while his other hand hung by his side. I grabbed it, but this time I made him hit himself several times in the chest. I kept hitting him in the same place until he grimaced. “Remember that pain, if you get caught in a bad position. The pain means your still alive, and as long as your alive,,,”

“It ain’t over.” He mouthed back.

I had so much I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. How much of a difference he had made in my life. I wanted lock him in the bedroom and never let him out. I wanted to save him. To make sure he was alright. Instead I held my tongue between my teeth. Every time I came close to letting go, I’d bite down as hard as I could. When his hand touched the front door, I tasted the blood as it began to fill my mouth.

“I love you, mama.” He said as he closed the door behind him. I ran to the door and opened it. Sean didn’t turn around, he just kept on walking. The burning from my eyes and the pain welling up on my tongue, made me realize this wasn’t my choice. I couldn’t make it for him. We both are still alive so it isn’t over.

“I love you, son.” He paused for only a second. Then kept going off into the night. I didn’t know if I’d ever see him again, and my heart ached badly. “Please, come back to me, son. Please come back to me.”

A Big House Reality: Chapter 4

October 26th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

Carver sat on the edge of the bed in Vanessa’s three bedroom house. It was nice, you know, clean and welcoming, but it was no Oliver Estates. The place he once called home until Stacey found out about Vanessa. It wouldn’t have been that bad, if Stacey hadn’t caught him in hospital while their nine month old was having seizures. I wouldn’t have been completely horrible if Vanessa wasn’t having a baby at the time. He screwed up, and he knew it. He never loved anyone other than Stacey, and now she was gone for good.

He had the money to get his own place, but Carver hated being alone. There was always a woman waiting for him, and if there wasn’t he went and found one quick. The only problem, he didn’t like condoms, and wouldn’t let the doctor get close enough for a vasectomy. He just kept having babies.

The house was quiet, Vanessa and CJ were gone out for the day. Carver looked at the picture of him and Vanessa at high school prom. Then he looked at the recent picture of her and CJ. She had changed and Carver realized she wasn’t cute enough for him. He got up off the bed, and began throwing things into his suitcase. He had never unpacked it, so repacking was easy. He grabbed a pen and pad to leave Vanessa a note, but he couldn’t figure out what to say. He had done this so many times, he could always find the words, but nothing. He threw the pad on the bed, grabbed his bags and left.

He got in his car, and stared at the little house. He put the car in reverse and began pulling out the driveway. The vibration of the phone in his pocket startled him. He knew why? He felt guilty. He didn’t want it to be Vanessa. He couldn’t lie to her right now. He turned off his phone.

He waited until he pulled up the Holiday Inn to check his voicemail. There was only one message. It was from the production studio that wanted him for a realty show. They’re shooting in two weeks. They also understand why his wife Stacey couldn’t be there. He was excited, this is exactly what he needed.

A Time For Change: Chapter 4

September 8th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

When the cab turned onto my street, I sat up and began getting my things together. Okay Trish, he’s not home tonight, you can get some good sleep. I reached down and fastened the straps on my shoes. I stretched up and looked out the front window and spotted Twon’s car. It was parked in the playground parking lot that cornered Telsa Street.

“Driver, keep going please!” I shouted as I ducked down in the back seat of the cab. I caught a glance of Twon peeping out the upstairs window. That slick bastard. He knows that if he cuts off that light I won’t come in the house. He just can’t wait for me to come home.

“Where to now, Ms.?” The cabbies barely understandable voice broke my train of thought.

“Just drive.” I snapped back. Then I composed myself and apologized. He nodded back. “Just get us out of the complex.”

What next. If I go home, I swear I think I’ll kill him. I reached into my purse looking for my cell phone and saw the card given to me by the mystery man. Then I grabbed my phone and dialed Sky’s number. I rang five times before she grunted hello into the phone.

“Were you a sleep?” I questioned not knowing what to expect.

“No. I’m trying to put some smoke into the air, but I ain’t got no wraps.”

“Well, I can bring you some if you let me come over.”

“Okay. Make sure they ain’t dry. Matter fact just get 3 of every flavor.”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah, a coke.”

“Be there soon.” Click. She cut me off before the sentence got all the way out of my mouth. “Driver, can you take me to the store on Minnieville, then I need to go to Lynnville. He looked at me through the rearview mirror with worry etched into his face. “Please.” I added with a little bat of my eye and flip of my lip. He nodded and turned forward. The rest of the trip, he never looked at me in the eye.

We pulled into the parking lot going way to fast. The jerking reaction made me slide to the far end of the cab. I reached down and collected the contents of my handbag as the cabbie stole the last parking space from a little old woman.

I got out of the car, searching for my credit card. I stumbled on the sidewalk right into the arms of the handsome man. He had dark eyes that made looking away impossible. His girlfriend walked up behind him. She chuckled as she walked to the opposite side of the jeep parked next to my cab. She knew her man was amazing, and she didn’t mind that other women appreciate that. I told him thank you and moved away so he could join his girl in a good laugh. Good for them, at least someone is happily in love.

After I filled Sky’s want list. $65 worth. I got back in the cab, and wondered what kind of reception I would get from Sky when I arrived. Fuck it. I’m on my way now. Maybe I’ll even put some smoke in the air.

A Big House Reality: Chapter 3

September 8th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

Othea was in her kitchen, listening to her Sunday gospel. Though it was Thursday, Othea believed every day was a day for the gospel. She hadn’t seen Mason in two days. She wondered where he was, but didn’t give to much attention to finding him. If he wanted to go out and sing that rap, than she would pray for the devil to give back his soul. He never had to live that gangsta life. She had made a wonderful home for him. They didn’t live in the ghetto, they always had food to eat, and she tried her best to teach him the ways of Jesus. Mason was just a bad seed.

The phone rang. Othea belted out the last refrain from ‘Go tell it on the Mountain’ before turning down the music, and answering the phone.

“God is Good.”

“Mrs. Roberts. This is Wendy Watchman from FR Productions.”

“Hello Ms. Watchman, how are you this blessed day?”

“Very well, ma’am. I’m sorry for the delay, we were having problems with some of our financial backers.”

“No problem, just keep your faith in God and there is no problem he can’t solve. Hallelujah.”

“Yeah. Well. We have scheduled the taping two weeks from now. The weekend of June 3^rd.”

“Ms. Watchman, I’m sorry but that is the weekend of my church’s anniversary. I’m getting special recognition for replacing the roof. I can’t miss it.”

“Well, all you have to do is return the check for $50,000 my company sent to you.”

“I don’t have the money. I spent it on the roof for the church.”

“Then I suggest you show on the weekend of the 3^rd or explain to your church why their roof is being pulled off. I mean you’re a church woman, isn’t it more about the act than the recognition.”

“Fine, Ms. Watchman. I will see you on the third.”

“Please make sure Mason joins you or the contract in null.

“No problem, Ms. Watchman.”

“Confidentiality still applies as well.”

“No problem Ms. Watchman.”

“Good. I look forward to meeting you and your son. And Mrs. Roberts, have a truly blessed day.”

A Time For Change: Chapter 3

August 10th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

From inside the cab I called Travis and gave him Big sistas number. One call from me and he gets $1,200 and sometimes long life clients, even though in this business that could be short. If I wanted to hustle myself I could control this town. Everyone here is weak and not about business. That made doing business to damn risky.

We pulled up to the border of Lynnville projects. It must have rained when we were in the club. The night air was crisp and just on the brink of being warm. Early spring my favorite time of the year. I told the driver to pull over. I offered him the amount shown on the meter. He refused. I said okay and flipped a $20 over the front seat.

“You shouldn’t be walking out here all alone, ma’am.” He said poking his head out the drivers’ side window.

“To me, this is the safest place in the world.” I turned my back and walked away. He stayed there for a moment, then quickly pulled off when a group of local thugs got to close to the side of his cab.

I didn’t like living here. I got the money to move someplace nice, but no place nice could be as safe.

Goldie, by far the scariest of all the rats around here, was the best person to do business with. He didn’t speak to me when we weren’t talking about business. When he did want to do business he always had the money, he was always on time, and he told me I can walk safe in his hood. So I dropped the cost of his inventory. Now he supplies to most of the little rats around here, and most of the city. He never tells anyone where he gets his work, so the whole hood thinks he’s banging me. And that’s cool no one fucks with me. It works for me.

I walked down the street. It seemed to be dead tonight. I bet I’d get a delivery soon. There were no fiends, no little kids outside playing way past their bedtimes. Silence and that was worrisome the longer I walked and the quieter it seemed to get. I quickened my pace and made my way into the dirty corridor that led to my apartment.

I checked the halls, both ways, twice. Something just didn’t feel right. I opened the door and went in fast. I bolted all five locks from the inside. Took off my knock Vera Wang slingbacks, and began to move close to the couch.

He startled me as he began to move around. I knew that he was still having those bad dreams that haunted him the 2 years I’ve known him. I heard him softly murmur ‘I don’t want to be a gangster. It costs to much’.

My heart broke looking at him, remembering how alone I used to feel. Shit, used to feel. The way I have always felt. I stayed a safe distance from his swinging range and called his name sereval times raising my voice each time until he opened his eyes.

“They almost got him tonight.” He didn’t have to tell me who. I knew. Goldie had started making a lot of enemies. He had such low prices on his work, no one else could compete. “I put $135,000 in your safe. Do you mind if I crash here tonight?”

“You know you don’t have to ask. Go get in the bed we’ll talk in the morning.”

“I’ll make you pancakes.”

“I can’t wait.” I said as he sauntered off into his bedroom. He was 13 and on the fast track to taking over his father’s business. He had no fear in dangerous situations, because he had nothing to live for, but boy is he smart. I let him have unlimited access to my apartment as long as he brought good grades home. So, he did. I even had to go to the school and get him put in advanced classes so he wouldn’t be bored.

I can’t have kids so he’s the closest I’ll ever get.