A Personal Story Of Forgiveness

September 3rd, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

I must admit I thought this blog was going to be a way to get some of my ideas out into the world. I watch the News like a Maniac. I spend so much time yelling at the T.V., that I was glad when I finally found an Outlet. But something rather unexpected has happened through this Process. I’ve begin to think More about the things going on inside of me.

Yesterday, I found out my daughter will be having surgery on her eyes. It’s an one hour precedure and she can come home the same day. But that never stops a Mother from worrying if something can go wrong. I spent the majority of Yesterday telling my Daughter how much I love her.

As she told me to leave her alone, I had to change my focus. So I started to look at myself; Again. Now I was raised by a Wonderful Woman. Mrs. Susie. She was my Angel. She had two kids of her own, with no man, and she took me in a raised me as one of her own.

I didn’t look like the other kids. I didn’t think like them but I never felt out of place. I never knew this wasn’t my real family. Then things changed and I had to move with My Father. I loved my Dad and he spoiled me Rotten. But he had found a Wife and she didn’t particulary like how much attention my Father paid Me.

Then, on top of that, I got a chance to meet my Biological Mother. Well not really meet, but on my 13th birthday my BIO called and asked if I wanted to move with her. Then she told me we could take my father for child support once I moved. I hung up the phone.

I went and told my MOM, Ms. Susie, about the Phone Call From My Bio. My Mother told me to forgive her because it wasn’t all her fault. See, my Bio was a College Graduate. She taught Elementary School in Richmond Va. Then one day she went out, someone slipped something into her drink, she came home read the bible from front to back, and then she lost her Mind.

My Mother told me “One day you are going to have to let go of your Pain and Anger and Forgive.” She passed away the day I found out I was Pregnant with My Daughter. I’m not the Forgive and Forget type. I learned early that if someone stabs you in the back once, you are a fool not to expect it again. That’s how I survived growing up. Putting people in spaces and leaving them there.

I’m close with my Bio’s Family, and now I find myself spending more time around Bio. I’ve come to realize; That Bitch Is Crazy. She talks to herself. She would rather live outside in the shed with the fleas and ticks instead of the House. She can’t bring herself to look me directly in My eye.

So Yesterday, As I was thinking about my daughter. I decided to Call and Check on Bio. I have never called to talk to her before. Never. But for some reason, I picked up the phone and dialed. She answered the phone, with her distant unattached tone, and I started to regret calling. When I told her who it was, her spirits lifted. I could hear it. And I felt it, inside me.

Yesterday, for no reason in Particular, I choose to forgive My Bio. Not only did I make the decision, I felt really good about it. Like my Mom was looking down on Me and was smiling and my heart felt light. My life wasn’t the easiest, but it could have been worse. I didn’t have my Bio Family growing up, but I had one hell of a Family in it’s place. What do I really have to be mad about?

I’ve held on to so much. She made me a crack baby. I’ve had to deal with this sickness and that sickness because of the decisions she made, but I’m alive and kicking. She Kept my older sister but sent me Away. My sister just recently Got off Drugs and started to get her Life back together. That could have been ME, if my Father had given me to My Mom. She never called to say Merry Christmas, Happy Birthday, or just to say I’m thinking about you.

Instead, I should have been happy that I made it out. I should have been happy I was given to a Mother that made Education Important. I should have been happy that I still had a Mother on this Planet even though the Woman that Raised me was no longer here. I learned Forgiveness Today. Real Forgiveness. Not when you can tolerate someone even though you are cussing them out in you head.

Forgiveness Frees some space In Your Mind, In Your Heart, And In Your Soul. So, now I look up at the SKY and tell my Mother, Thank You. She’s propably in Heaven saying “It’s about Damned Time, Now You Can Get Your Blessings. Now instead of Looking Back, You can Look Towards Your Future.”

I Love this blog. If you read some of the things I write and you disagree; Fine. But if you take nothing else with you, remember this; You can stop the Lord from sending you Blessings. You can be so wrapped up in what was; that you forget to think about what can be. Find a way to Forgive someone that’s wronged you. Find a way to let go of the things that force you to stop looking inside yourself. Start looking for some Peace in Your Life and you might find you have more Good than you realized.