The Relationship of Politics

February 2nd, 2012 | By Sonnie Johnson

Many of the conversations I have within my inner circle, amongst my family and friends, often lead me back to political comparisons.  There is a neat trick I’ve learned and I want to share it with you.  This mostly works with females but can be tweaked to apply to men as well.

Let’s start at the beginning….

Your friend comes to you and says, “Girl I met this guy the other night and he was the bomb.  We was at the club and he was paying for the drinks, dropping money like it was nothing.  He took me home in his brand new truck.  I was in heaven.”

At this point you say, “Good for you.”  You don’t express your concern for the fast pace of the relationship, nor do you try to convince her all that glitters is not gold because if you do, she’ll call you jealous or hater.

For a two week period expect that friend to disappear, not to answer her phone or stop by for those unexpected visits.  You have to understand she is wrapped up in how good everything feels.  She has romanticized this man in her mind and is in love with the idea of being in love.  SHE FEELS.  And for her that is stronger than the commonsense of her girlfriends.

A month later, that friend will show up on your doorstep with tears in her eyes.  Her dreams met up with reality.  She finds out he had that nice truck because he lives in his mother’s basement.  He owes her so much money that she finally decides to kick him out.  Now he is laying on her couch, playing video games, eating her food, and not contributing to any of the household expenses.  Plus, now he doesn’t want her going to the club, hanging with the girls, or having conversation he doesn’t agree with.  She is venting, “His ass has to go.”

But when she goes home he’s cleaned the house, cooked dinner, ran her a bath, and she regains that feeling of how lucky she is.  He takes her shopping, buys her new shoes, a new outfit, and even gets her hair and nails done.  Now this is what she was expecting.

The next week, he’s back on the couch, video games, and pizza boxes everywhere.

When she comes to vent your response should be simple, “Just like a Democrat.”

The Democrats’ platform revolves around making people feel good.  There is this utopia out there just waiting for you and all you have to do is let them into your house, onto your couch, monitoring your conversations and all will be right with the world.  Of course, you’ll get upset with them from time to time but instead of changing their habits (their platform), they’ll throw you something nice to get you feeling good again. 

So what is a Republican?….

So, your friend finally decides homeboy has to get off the couch and out the house because she can’t let his lies, letdowns, and excuses ruin her life any further.

There’s this guy that works with her.  He asks her out once a week but she always says no because the rumor around the office is he’s insensitive and neglectful.  On Monday, he brings her a single red rose and leaves it at her desk.  On Tuesday, he restocks all her supplies before she gets in, giving her 30 extra minutes to fully awaken for the day.  On Wednesday, he brings up the perfect cup of coffee and a delicious blueberry muffin.  On Thursday, he brings her another single red rose, restocks her supplies, brings her the perfect cup of coffee and delicious blueberry muffin, and she decides to give him a shot.  She agrees to go out with him on Friday night.

Friday morning he doesn’t come to work and Friday evening, after she’s primped and pressed for their date, he doesn’t show up.  He doesn’t even bother to call.

When she comes to vent your response should be simple, “Just like a Republican.”

The Republican platform sounds good and is often backed up with some results.  The problem comes when you finally decide to give them a chance and they change their minds about your relevancy.  Their main motive is to get you to say yes and then conveniently forget they ever asked you  in the first place.

So your friend comes to you with the argument, “All men are dogs and all the good ones are married.” 

You answer, “John Doe has been there all along.”

Now she will be pissed because Joe Doe is boring and predictable.  He works six days a week and spends all his free time volunteering at the church or coaching his son’s little league team.  He doesn’t want to take her out on a date because he’s cheap and doesn’t want to spend the money.  He’d rather cook for her and catch a movie off cable.  His shoe game is weak, hell he doesn’t own a single pair of Jordans.  And he always wears a simple white shirt, he has no class and no style.

Your answer should be simple, “That’s just like a conservative.”

He doesn’t make you promises he can’t keep or raise your expectations beyond reality.  He works six days a week and never spends money frivolously because he has dreams of owning a house with land.  He doesn’t buy expensive clothes because he believes in constantly padding his savings accounts.  You call him boring but he’s stable.   You call him average or plain but he has his priorities in line.  You overlook him, when he’s everything you’ve been looking for.

Yeah, “He’s just like a conservative.”