February 2nd, 2012 | By Sonnie Johnson
So my male friends got a kick out of Part 1 but refuse to believe the same rules apply to them. #GameOn
It’s Friday night and the boys are ready to hit the town. “I’m gonna find me a bad ho tonight.” “Yeah, you know those bitches from the southside are off the hook.” (Don’t get mad at me over the language. I have 5 brothers. This is what the conversation sounds like.)
They get to the club and instantly seek out the baddest girl there. She is pop, lock, and dropping it all over the place. All the guys want her but Tre knows one of her girls, so she introduces him to Miss Thang. He spends the night filling her with drinks and mean grilling any dude that would come to close to hitting on her. The end of the night rolls around and Tre takes Miss Thang home and Miss Thang makes him feel good.
The next morning Tre wakes up and Miss Thang is not laying beside him. He wipes the cold from his eyes and instantly checks his pants for his wallet. GONE. His chain, GONE. She even took his class ring. Tre yells out, “Bitch”.
Guys, your response should be simple, “Just like a Democrat.”
The same rules from Part 1 apply. Democrats want to make you feel good and they don’t care what they have to do to accomplish that goal. It’s only after you get that feeling do you realize what it really cost you. Since you never questioned Miss Thang you have no idea where to find her or how to hold her accountable for her thievery. And in the end, you have no one to blame but yourself because you set out to find a Bitch and you got exactly what you were looking for. If you set out to find a political party that will take care of your feelings, don’t be surprised when they tell you exactly how you should feel.
Now Tre is pissed and he really needs that feeling that someone wants him. His phone rings, it’s his Jump Off. Tre and his Jump Off have a checkered history. He’s cheated on her, she’s cheated on him but they still flirt with each other when times get tough. Jump off says. “I really want to see you. I miss you. You know nobody else can do you like I can.”
Tre agrees to spend the day with Jump Off. She makes him breakfast, washes his clothes, and they spend the day lounging around the house enjoying each others company. Jump off conveniently leaves her light bill on the counter and Tre rewards her for inflating his ego by giving her the money to pay it. About 7:30 that night, Jump Off’s phone rings and she takes the call in the bathroom. A few minutes later she comes out and tells Tre he has to go. (ie, Allen West in FL. Think about it) She got what she needed and now she needs to make room for her real man to swing through.
Guys, your response should be simple, “Just like a Republican.”
The same rules apply from Part 1. Republicans have a short term memory about what you’ve done for them. When it’s a choice between who’s currently there and who they deem to be most important, the current occupier gets the boot. The Jump Off forgets her real man hasn’t called her in two weeks or stormed out after their last date because she dared to ask for a real relationship. She goes back to what she wants and forgets about the one that shows up when she needs him the most.
Tre leaves the Jump Off really, really pissed and there is only one thing he can do. He calls his Bun Bun. With Bun Bun he knows he won’t get his ego stroked. He knows she won’t let him come and lay in her bed. He knows he better call ahead of time and ask if she is hungry because she isn’t getting up to cook for him after he’s spent the night before and the entire day running through different women. Bun Bun will open her doors and let him in but she will refuse to listen to his sob stories about how the Miss Thang and Jump Off have done him wrong.
Bun Bun hits him with a gut check. “You’re stupid for spending all your damn money on those chicks in the club. How do you expect to pay off your school debt if you keep wasting money? I don’t know why you keep dealing with Jump Off when you know she only calls you when she needs you to take care of one of her bills. And I hope you didn’t think you was gonna come up in here and ruin my night because you keep doing the same silly shit over and over again. At some point in time you need to grow up.”
Tre doesn’t want to hear it but he knows she’s RIGHT. He looks at Bun Bun and says to himself, “If I were ever going to marry a girl, it would definitely be her”.
Yeah, Bun Bun is just like a “Conservative”.