June 5th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson
I watch you struggle. You work so hard, but I can give you no pity. I can’t give you any more advice. My words are harsh and get worse with each exchange.
I ask you the same questions:
Where is he?
I don’t know
When was the last time you seen him?
Monday morning when he dropped off my car and borrowed $20.
He got his license back?
Then why did he have your car?
He went out with the boys Friday
Friday? And he’s just bringing your car back?
Okay. Well what you doin?
I’m about to go and pick up some money
He finally giving you some money?
No! I’m borrowing some from my Aunt
Why are you borrowing money if you can give him money?
I don’t want to talk about it
Okay! Well what do you want to talk about?
I got new pictures of the kids. You should see them. They look just like their daddy. I bought them all new outfits for the pictures.
He showed up to take pictures?
Naw. He couldn’t make it, but they look so cute anyway
What color dress did you get?
I just wore my old black dress. You know I can’t afford clothes for myself
And then I lose it. I cuss and fuss and make you cry. I do it because I care but I only hurt you. I don’t like hurting you. Unlike him, I get no pleasure in seeing you in pain.
You love him more than you love yourself. Unfortunate.
You love him more than you love your kids. Unacceptable.
They’re watching him treat you like dirt, the same way you once watched. I know you. Inside there is a strong woman and when she’s ready to come out, I’ll get the alcohol and Orange Juice.
Until then, I have to walk away. I can’t hurt you on purpose. You’ll probably resent me for turning my back when you need me most, but I love you so much I can’t watch you hurt and then contribute to it.
Call me when you need the pieces put back together. I won’t look down on you for loving hard, nor will I blame you for following you heart. I look forward to that moment.