I Say Merry Christmas

December 4th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

I will admit I watch Bill O’reily regularly. I’ve noticed since taking the lead over all the network news broadcasts, O’riely is extra “for the people.” His constant shouts of looking out for the people are making me question his sincerity. If your going to do it fine, but don’t keep reminding us. Damn.

That aside. I SAY MERRY CHRISTMAS.

Since I was a child and we had to wake my mother before touching anything so we could first thank God, I’ve said Merry Christmas. Since my mother gave each of us some money to buy something special for brothers and sisters, I’ve said Merry Christmas. Since I had a role in every Christmas play at my church, I’ve said Merry Christmas.

And yes, I will thank Santa for his contributions to Christmas, but he is not the Reason for the Season.

I used to hate when I had to wait to open presents. We would rush and my mother would take longer because we weren’t getting the message. We cared more about Santa than we cared about the Birth of our Savior.

Celebrating Christmas with my daughter, with my mother looking down, I realize even more why it’s important to remember why we celebrate. And I have a four year old. All she can think about is the horse that does this, the game that does that, and the doll with wings. It has become a balancing act for me.

I remember the joy I had waiting for Santa but I also remember the three wise men, the manger, and a little bitty baby. I remember the joy of opening a gift but I also remember being surrounded by my family and friends. But I love it because I Love Christmas.

Now, in our politically correct society, it’s wrong to say Merry Christmas. Two years ago, on black Friday, I went to a Target in Richmond Virginia and the greeter told me Happy Holidays. I paused for a moment and responded Happy Holidays. Then as I walked through the store buying Christmas gifts, it hit me. I like the sound of Merry Christmas.

When I left the house to go CHRISTMAS shopping, I was thinking about my daughter being excited about Santa and being surrounded by my family thanking God. Happy Holidays took those thoughts out of my head. I got tighter with my money. Holiday’s come and go, but Christmas, Christmas is different.

I had a friend in High School. Her mother was a Christian and her father was a Jehovah’s Witness. Her mother passed and she was raised by her father. She was not allowed to have birthday parties nor could she come to my birthday party. But for two days out of every year, her father would realize Christmas is different.

On Christmas Eve, he would put up a Christmas Tree. He even invited us to help decorate. The tree would stay up all of Christmas day. Then, pouf, it was gone. But for two days, Christmas important to even a Jehovah’s witness.

So what’s the problem with those that have no religion. If I weren’t to bluntly state my opinion, I would recieve well deserved Hate Mail, so I’ll pass. Instead, I will question the need to take Christmas from the rest of us. If you don’t have fond memories of Christmas past, what gives you the right to impede upon mine.

Now, with that question, I give more respect than is actually garnered. It doesn’t matter what anyone does, they can not impede upon my Christmas. As long as I can Pray to God, I’ll always have Christmas. I fight because my daughter hasn’t built that steadfastness yet. I’m not saying outside forces will have an actual affect on my daughter’s belief but I would appreciate not having the extra fight.

Like the people in Washington State, who put up a sign saying there is No God, No Angels, No Devil; There is only our natural world. Religion is but a myth and superstition that hardens hearts and inslaves minds. Did I forget to mention it was right next to a nativity scene?

I’m not one of those super sensitive people. I raise my daughter and she will know Jesus is why we celebrate Christmas. But I am cautious of turning my head and looking away. To say a little sign doesn’t make an impact would make me irresponsible. It would make me pigheaded and blind to the impact of a Society that doesn’t mind the voice of the few outweighing the call of the many.

I wonder if anyone from the Atheist group puts up a Christmas Tree. i don’t care if they call it by a different name; you can put make up on a pig. Do they invite their families and friends over to share the evening? Do they roast marshmallows or watch Frosty or Rudolph with their kids? If so, then they should shut up and celebrate the winter solace surrounded in love.

Cause that’s what I’m going to do. And when I approach someone and say Merry Christmas and they reply Happy Hanukkah, I’ll understand they understand. And when I approach someone and Merry Christmas and they reply Happy Kwanzaa, I’ll understand they understand. And while we’re spreading well wishes to those who don’t believe the same as us, there will be those who have no reason to spread joy. They only have hate and intolerance.

To those I’ll say, I’m praying for you.

Merry Christmas to All.

Stop Fighting A Blessing

December 2nd, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

I’m not finished with all my lessons learned over Thanksgiving. I have written about blocking a blessing before but it’s time for a refresher.

Have you ever woke up and felt that it was going to be a great day? The aches and pains you had the night before have disappeared. Your child walks in and apologizes for the way they acted the day before. Your lover leaves a flower on the bed beside you. And you just know something good is going to happen today.

You feel so good, you decide to call out from work today. You plan on spending the entire day just feeling good.

Then halfway through your day, stuff starts falling apart. You get slammed with the headache from hell. The teacher calls and you have to go and pick your child up from school because he was fighting. While on your way, you spot your lover with another woman. And you are like, damn, I thought this was going to be a great day.

The next day it gets worse. You go back to work and find out the woman that sits next to you got a promotion the day you called out. That was your promotion. You have been praying for it. More money, less hours. Then the woman rubs it in.

“Girl, they were going to give the promotion to you but you called out. I’m glad you didn’t come to work yesterday.”

The first thing you do is go to God. You ask why is he punishing you.

If God could answer, I bet he would say, You Blocked Your Blessing.

See, you were praying for strength and for God to guide you. And he tried. He made sure you body wasn’t in pain so you could accept your promotion. He made sure you weren’t worrying about whether your son was mad or not. He made sure you weren’t thinking about your lovers actions. He gave you a clear mind so you could go to work and get a blessing.

And you called in on his blessing. He knew the job would stop your pain because it was all stress related. He knew your son would benefit from you being at home more. He knew the extra money would give you the strength to tell your cheating lover to hit the bricks because you don’t need him. Everything you have been praying for, Gone.

The devil stuck his head in and you followed. Not purposely. Not with intent to block. You followed for the temporary peace. And it felt good, temporarily. Then when your blessing was nice and blocked, the Devil let the flood gates open. He knew you were thanking God this morning and by this afternoon you will be questioning his love for you. And all it took was one good feeling.

Here’s another

You spend your entire life taking from people. You let your mother bail you out of problems, even though it creates more problems for her. You allow your friends to treat you to this, pay for you to go here, and pick you up when they are going there. You let girls fall in love with you, all the while your out looking for something new.

You watch as your brother gets another girl pregnant and you swear that won’t be you. You watch as your friends fuck one girl, then scoop up another and you applaud. You treat the one person in this world that would do anything for you, your Bun Bun, like she is nothing. Yet you walk around claiming you are a man.

Then one day you get called on it. Someone, like me, approaches and let’s you have it. They point out what makes a real man and you don’t see yourself in the description. You realize you are selfish. You realize you are a bastard. And for the first time, you really don’t like the person you have become.

You talk to God. Then like a strike from Heaven, your cell phone rings. It’s your Bun Bun. She’s pregnant.

All your recent realizations go out the door. Fuck being unselfish. “You are going to get an Abortion”.

But God was listening. See, God knows there are consequences for your past actions. Your selfishness has caused this woman to have 3 abortions over the past 3 years. No doctor will touch her. No lie will get her out of it. She’s having a baby. Your baby.

What do you do? You have to show her. She will not tie you down.

The Devil comes in and instantly pulls that selfish string. He doesn’t even have to set you up. You have been pulling that string for so long, you made the Devil’s work easy. But God doesn’t give up on you. Your Bun Bun sends you a picture of your child inside her belly.

Are you seriously going to try to block this blessing? You know you don’t like who you are. You prayed to God and he answered immediately. And even though the Devil is right there, so is God. And that in itself is a blessing.

So many of us say we believe in God. We will say it out loud but we won’t shout it to the mountain tops. I shout, GOD IS GOOD. But even I fall short. That’s why I’m glad we have a forgiving God. Even if you destroy a blessing, a new one isn’t that far away. If you realize it.

When the world seems like it’s falling down on you; don’t be scared. Don’t be mad. Smile.

Know that God is tearing everything down so he can build it back up. You’ve been having such a hard time because you are surrounded by hard times. People that want to tear you down. The devil trying to throw up road blocks. And you refusing to get out of your own way.

So that’s my little lesson today. God is listening. He knows what you need and he’ll make sure it’s sent your way. But you have to be there to receive it. You have to have an open mind and an open heart to realize he is actually sending you a blessing. Even if you can’t realize it the first go around.

I’m Back But Is That A Good Thing?

December 1st, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

I missed you guys. I missed writing. And I’m going to share something with you today. This is hard for me, so bear with me. I think I’m going to have to break this up in to a couple of sections because I had one hell of an interesting week.

You can tell by the title of this post, I was not over joyed by my Thanksgiving. I had to deal with bad news, which I will share you because your family maybe dealing with some of the same things and we can help each other get through.

Life is hard. I know I throw alot of criticism out but best believe I know that each person has went through something that got them to where they are. The lost or absence of a parent. Abuse or just plain neglect. A sharp and unrelenting dose of reality that crushed a person’s confidence in what they thought they knew. Or it could be as simple as falling in love and having it not work out. All events that shape and create individual personalities.

Mistakes are easy. I preach personal responsibility and that still holds. But there are times when you have so much of the world on your shoulders and so much of other people’s bull laying at your feet, it’s impossible to move. You have to stand there and take the pressure, bearing it without losing your mind. And sometimes the easy way out lifts that burden, for just a while.

And in that moment, you can see things clearly. Including the extra damage you caused by taking the easy way out. But you also catch up on all the emotions you have been trying to hide. You weren’t expecting this. All the backed up pain, all the unresolved lies; I guess you could say, all those skeletons you keep buried in your closet.

And this is where we mess up. One of three things can happen.

We look for the easiest way to push all that mess back into the closet. We drink, smoke, gamble, party or sleep, anything that will make the mind forget. We make the choice to postpone the inevitable. We don’t think of it that way at the time. We make excuses, like “shit this is Thanksgiving, I’m not dealing with that shit”. And off we go on our mission to hide from the rest of the world.

Or we look to place blame elsewhere. We cuss out grandma for letting mom get pregnant in the first place. “I wouldn’t be alive if you watched your daughter closer.” We blame dad for not being there, even though we know how easy it is to get caught up in our lives and forget about those that care for us. We blame people we’ve never met for acts we never experienced. Then after all that redistribution of blame, we wonder why everyone is looking at us like a lost cause.

Or we cry. We let tears rush down our faces burning traces of regret and disappointment in ourselves. We know we were trying to do the right thing but some how it got all mixed up. We know we have to make changes but before that we have to let it out. We have to let out all the mistakes we’ve made and forgive ourselves for them. And only then can we move forward, with clean closets.

Now all of that is well and good but what does it do for me? All I did was try to make it. Maybe I didn’t do everything right but I tried. Where is my scenario?

You are still in the blame scenario. It maybe indirect blame but it is blame non the less. You are not blaming anyone for the creation of your problems but you like to place blame for the lack of change since copping to them. And I’m willing to bet there are still skeletons hidden in your closet.

I’m writing this to make a point. Of all the lessons I’ve learned over this Thanksgiving season, this one is the most potent. At the end of the day, all we have is our mind, our sanity. At the end of the day, all we have is what we’ve done.

You can blame mom and dad for the way they raised you but you can’t blame them for your lack of sanity. And by sanity, I mean that peaceful place that allows you to breath, think, relate, and re-act. Most of us just re-act. We raise our voices and our tempers and lash out. It doesn’t matter where we are or who we’re talking too, we just let it out.

I’ve developed a name for this, Closetitist. Closetitist occurs when a person has to many unresolved issues. When faced with something new, they go into overload. It becomes hard to differentiate and separate the cause of a single problem. All the mess becomes jumbled and they momentarily lose their sanity. This is truly a self inflicted sickness.

There are no drugs, pills or street brand, that will fix it. The cure does not require you to have insurance. Nor do you have to schedule an appointment to lay on some doctor’s couch. All it takes is one step. One step out on faith.

Faith that there is no situation you can’t come out of. Now, if you have digged a ditch to far down to climb out of, this still applies. Maybe you won’t get completely out of the ditch but maybe you can find some light in the darkness.

The question becomes do you want the cure. Is your faith strong enough to bear the weight of the problems you have created? Some of us hold on to mistakes God has already forgiven us for. We are so afraid of everyone else seeing us weak, we hide. We use a nice car or fly outfit to hide. And sometimes it works.

You get the compliments and the looks from people who think they want to be like you but you know better. They may have a shitty car or holes in their shoes but they smile wider that you could imagine your lips stretching. It crushes you to think you would rather be like them. Down on their luck but happy. Scrapping by but at peace. No bling but a spirit that glows.

How did you handle it? I’m betting every single person that reads this had a breakdown this week. Which person were you?

I cried. A lot. I even lost my sanity for a moment. But I’m happy about it. See, the world didn’t stop spinning because I decided I wanted something different. The earth didn’t blow up because I decided to let my family know I wasn’t happy. I didn’t cease to exist because I made a mistake and finally admitted to it.

Instead, my family gave me strength. I got wisdom from those who created a path I’m about to walk. I found a place of comfort amongst those that love me the most. And that caused me to cry harder because all this time my closet could have been cleaned. My sanity could have been restored. I was just to prideful to step out on faith.

Maybe later I’ll give you the whole story. Maybe I’ll wait until it becomes fully resolved. But I will give you this. I’m back and it’s a Great Thing.

Basic Economics: Just Change Your Hustle

November 24th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

How Did We Get Here? A Look Back On History

November 24th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

O.K. class let’s get started. Today, we are going to test your history. This is not a graded test, it is just a guage to see how far you are in your lessons. Just relax and answer each question to the best of your ability. This not a timed test, so don’t be in a rush to finish. Just take your time. Anytime you have a question, feel free to ask. Here we go.

Question #1: The Republican party was started in 1854. What was it’s main mantra?

Lil Timmy: The Party of Holding a Black Man Down. (Class Laughs)

Anybody else? (No hands go up) Actually the Republican party was formed as the “Anti-slavery party”. From 1792-1865, the Democrats were feverishly fighting for individual states rights to own slaves. The Republican party was formed in opposition to that.

Question #2: Before the Civil War, there were many laws enacted to stop blacks from escaping plantations. What was the impact of the 1856 Dred Scott decision?

(No hands go up)

The Dred Scott decision officially made slaves property. It stated that no African decendent, a slave or free man, could ever become a citizen of the United States. With that Dred Scott, a black slave, who was carried from free state to free state would still remain a slave. No slave owner could lose his slave without due process.

Question #3: During the Civil War, The Union fought The Confederacy over what?

Lil Timmy: Slavery

That’s right. Extra Credit. Who formed the Confederacy?

(No hands go up)

Democrats in the South formed the Confederacy. They were willing to succeed from the United States just to keep their slaves. They were also fighting to expand slavery through out the United States. The country was very divided at this time. It was also heavily impacted by our large expansion. New states needed new workers, the question became how to get them. Allow free men to work for wage or have slaves you didn’t have to pay.

Question #4: Who was the President during the Civil War?

Lil Timmy: Abraham Lincoln. I bet you gonna tell me he was a Republican too.

You are right on both counts. Abraham Lincoln was a Republican. He was willing to fight to end slavery, even though it was threatening to pull our country apart. This did not please many Democrats. Do you ever wonder why you never hear a Democrat praising Abraham Lincoln. He stood against everything they represent.

Question #5: After the Civil War, three new amendments were added to the constitution. Does anyone know what they were?

Lil Timmy: 13th freed slaves, 14th gave citizenship, and 15th gave the right to vote.

Very good. Extra Credit. What was the period called after the Civil War?

Lil Timmy: Reconstruction. It was just a set up though. Republicans wanted slaves free but they didn’t want to treat them like equals.

Why do you say that?

Lil Timmy: Because they promised ‘forty acres and mule” and we never got it.

Correct. The ten years after the civil war was a good time to be black. That was until Andrew Jackson took office. The Democrat wanted the country to heal desperately, so he made many concessions to the South. Democrats in the South found new ways to enslave blacks; i.e. sharecropping.

Question #6: Can anyone tell me what K.K.K. stands for?

Lil TImmy: Klu Klux Klan

Correct. Do you know when and why they were formed?

(No hands go up)

They were formed in 1866 by Democrats in Tennessee as a social club. I’m guessing I don’t have to fill you all in on the deeds of the Klan. But I will tell you they were the military strength of those who didn’t agree with other races being on the same level as whites.

Question #7: In 1894, Democrats passed the Repeal Act. What were they trying to undo?

(No hands go up)

They were repealing the Civil Rights Act of 1866 and 1875. The Civil Rights Act of 1866 was passed by a Republican Congress, Veteoed by Democratic President Andrew Jackson, and then the Republican Congress over ruled the President’s Veto. This Act gave blacks the right to make contracts, sue, bear witness in court, and own property.

The Civil Rights Act of 1875 guaranteed all men, no matter the color or previous condition of servitude, held the same rights in public accomodations. This Act was also brought forth by two Republicans, Charles Sumner and Benjamin Butler.

As soon as Democrats got control of the Congress, they repealed both of these Acts.

Question #8: I’m sure everyone has heard of the NAACP.

Lil Timmy: If you are going to tell me the NAACP was formed by Republicans, I don’t want to hear it.

Fine. Then I’ll instead tell you, the NAACP was formed by whites.

Lil Timmy: You have got to be kidding me.

No. I’m not kidding you. The NAACP was formed by three white people, all Republicans. They formed the group in an effort to stop Lynchings and help blacks fight for their Civil Rights.

Extra Credit. Do you know who wrote the Black National Anthem, “Lift every voice and sing”?

(No hands go up)

A black Republican, James Weldon Johnson. He was the first black general secretary of the NAACP.

Question #9: Does anyone know when the largest number of bills supporting racial segregation and discrimination were introduced?

(No hands go up)

Around 1912, when Democrat Woodrow Wilson was in the White House and Democrats controlled Congress. Extra Credit. Does anyone know what happened to black people who held government jobs during this time.

(No hands go up)

They were pushed out of their positions.

Question # 10: Does anyone know who desegregated the Military?

Lil TImmy: Hah. That wasn’t a Republican. That was Democrat Harry Truman.

I’ll give you half the credit. Truman did sign the 1948 Executive Order to desegregate the military. But it wasn’t until Republican Eisenhower that the order was effectively enforced. Truman was busy making sure anti-lynching laws and the establishment of a permanant Civil Rights Commission never came to fruition.

Question #11: O.K. Let’s talk about Martin Luther King Jr. Does anyone know his party affiliation?

Lil Timmy: Let me guess, He was a Republican.

Yes. Extra Credit. Does anyone know who Dr. Kings main opposition was?

Lil Timmy: Democrats

You are right again. Dr. King was under fire from Democrats Lester Maddox, the governor of Georgia; Eugene “Bull” Connor, the Public Safety Commissioner in Birmingham; and George Wallace, the Governor of Alabama. They wanted to stop blacks from eating in restaurants. They let dogs attack protesters and used water hoses to disturb peaceful marches. They stood in front of State Buildings shouting, “Segregation Now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever”.

Extra Credit. Does anyone know if Democratic President John Kennedy agreed with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.?

Lil Timmy: I know the answer to this one. Hell No. He didn’t want Martin Luther King Jr. to march on Washington.

Correct. He also ordered Dr. King to be wire tapped by the FBI. Only begrudgingly made a phone call to have Dr. King released from a Birmingham Jail at the request of the King family

Lil Sally: So when people say “they” were out to get Martin Luther King Jr, they are talking about Democrats?

We’ll get to the opinion part later. But that is a very astute thought.

Question #11: Has anyone ever heard of “Brown vs. the Board of Education of Topeka”?

Lil Timmy: Yes. That was the Supreme Court ruling that desegregated the schools.

Right. Can you name the Supreme Court Justice that made the ruling?

Lil Timmy: I don’t know his name, but I bet he was a Republican.

Let’s just say Chief Justice Earl Warren was appointed by Republican President Eisenhower.

Lil Timmy: Are you saying the Democrats didn’t support desegregating the schools?

The Democrats took the side of the Topeka, Kansas school board. There was also a Democratic Governor of Arkansas Orville Faubus, who was opposed to desegregating the schools, forcing Eisenhower to send federal troops to prevent violence against blacks.

Question #12: Who was President when the 1964 Civil Rights Act was passed?

Lil Timmy: Are you going to tell me Lyndon Johnson was a Republican?

No. Johnson was a Democrat. But there was so much opposition from the Democrats in Congress, Johnson had to reach out to Republicans to get the bill passed. Instruamental in this effort was Republican Senator Everett Dirksen from Illinois. Dirksen was praised by Dr. King for his “able and courageous leadership”.

Democrats like Robert Byrd from West Virginia, a still sitting Democrat Congressman, rallied against the Civil Rights Act. Byrd, a former Ku Klux Klan member, gave a 14 hour filibuster speech in an unsuccessful attempt to stop the Civil Rights Act from Passing.

Extra Credit. Can anybody tell me what Robert Byrd thought of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.?

(No hands go up)

After a riot in Memphis, Tennessee where teenager was killed, Byrd said; King is a “trouble maker” that starts trouble, then runs like a coward when trouble is started.

Lil Timmy: That’s what made Dr. King go back to Memphis where he was assassinated. And you’re trying to tell me that man is still in office.

Not only is he still in office, if Bush, Cheney, and Pelosi were unable to serve, Byrd would be our President.

Lil Timmy: You are full of it. You are trying to force your opinion down our throat.

No. Since our time together is coming to an end, let me explain my purpose. I’m going to give you my opinion. Then as your homework assignment, you are all to write me a paper with your opinion. The subject, Which political party has done more for the Civil Rights of Black Americans?

I want you to take everything you’ve heard today and try to prove me wrong. I want you to go home and research your local politicians. Most of all the real changes in our local communities is done on the local level. What is the political affiliation? What changes have occurred in your community since that party has had control? Then I want you to form an opinion like the one I’m about to share with you.

My Opinion

Democrats have had a long history of trying to deny Civil Rights to black Americans. Times have changed and so have the tactics of the political party.

Often it is said that the racist Democrats switched to the Republican party because the Democratic Party was the new party of black Americans. I don’t believe that to be true. I think Republicans switched to the party of values because they realized that was were true blending of the races existed.

You have Democrats focusing on the things that divide us. While Republicans focus on all the things that connect us. I’ll give you one example.

Democrats believe we should focus on the Dollar Amount that divides us. If you are rich you should pay more, if you are poor you should get more. Republicans focus on getting what you keep, on every level. But you have to work for it. A common thread. Look back at the focus of our Black Ancestors. It wasn’t “Give me.” It was “Give me the chance to get it for myself.”

Think back on everything you’ve learned about black history. The men and women who fought to get their name on a patent of something they invented. When did the fight become “Getting Something For Free” instead of getting equal access and pay for something we have created.

Was it right around the time Democrats started controlling the black vote. They know they can no longer deny Civil Rights to anyone, so instead they focus on keeping you right where you are instead of showing you how to move forward. They rail against free markets but that’s where millionaires are born. They make is sound like a dirty word, so you are to afraid to find out how easy it is.

They don’t want you to invest and make real money because then you would not like the idea of high taxes and bigger government. Your desire to be in control of your own life would kill the Democratic Party.

No one ever got rich from public assistance. I know everyone needs help sometimes but I’m talking about those that get on and stay on welfare. These people will never be Millionaires. These people will become dependent. These future doctor’s, lawyers, or judges become satisfied just getting by. Like I said, all they have to do is keep you in your place.

They no longer have to fight against housing discrimination. They can tell you they are building homes for low income families for no or low cost. Poor blacks will voluntarily stay out of white neighborhoods. Then to look fair, they push for loans they know most low income families can’t afford. So once you own a house and lose a house, you are even more satisfied never to take a risk on self dependence again.

Democrats main attack has always been fear. They make black Americans fear the man in the white coat waiting to come and steal all your hopes and dreams. Yet, they forget to mention they were the party of the guy in the white coat. And the white hood.

So maybe the focus shouldn’t be on which party has done more. Maybe the focus should be what each and every individual has done with the history they have been given. Will black people continue to encourage our children to write papers on Booker T. Washington or W.E.B. DuBois but forget to tell them the philosophy held by both men? Basic self reliance.

Or will the Democrats get their way by our own ignorance? Will we continue to follow a path that has done nothing but tried to deny us of our basic Civil Rights? Can we look at Robert Byrd and really believe he represents our best interest? I don’t think so. What’s your Opinion?

———————————————————————————–

Lil Timmy is an example of my knowledge in High School. All the questions he answered, I could’ve answered. When no hands went up, I didn’t have a clue. You get the point.

A Conversation Between A Man And A Woman

November 20th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

This is something I wrote a while ago. It was a part of another project but I made some changes and it didn’t make the cut. So now I want to share it with you.

Let me give you a little back round first. A man, fresh out of Jail, with an opportunity to make changes in his life. He meets a non sense woman and the sparks fly. This is a conversation between the two, I hope you like.

The Man: I’m not right for you now. I don’t have anything to give you. I don’t know when I’m going to be ready to love you. I’m not a man because I can’t give you the things you need.

The Woman: I don’t need you to save me.
I might be a lady but I’m mighty.
I got the strength to hold you up, but I’m not going to give more of myself than you deserve.
I bear the brunt of my mothers’ weight on my back.
I make money in my sleep and that fly as shit.
I don’t bitch and moan cuz I keep running into black men with no plan to get ahead.
No desire to do something for themselves.

The Man: That’s not me. I was lead by those that took care of me.
I woke to money piles and weed and bitches with asses so fat you wouldn’t believe.
Then I gave my heart to a broad that walked away hard leaving nothing but dust in her tracks.
A seed that looks up at me and doesn’t see anything I’ve done in my past.
All she sees is her dad. She sees her dad.
Not in glimpses between drunken binges and smoked out benz or behind bars. I got a chance.

The Woman: It takes a lot more than a brother with problems to push me away.
I’m down to fight when the cause is right and the payoff is worth the pain.
To look inside and make a wise decision is something we been missin,
Left out of old traditions we still hold.
A man that understands a chance is nothing more than the opportunity to prove everyone wrong.
It might come in a touchdown or in a song, or a cold beer after a shift so long.
The man that stands up and points out the wrong, that lift up the weak and chastises the strong.
That over look the social crooks of the communities to which they belong.
I’ve meet the guys that realized and made it out.
They come back here with fancy degrees and screams and shouts.
There is racism everywhere, they’ll never let you out.
I can’t make it out. You made it out. What’s that about?
You and me let’s sit down and figure it out.
Did some magic man come and hand you a certificate to excel?
Did they add it all up and you were the one that tipped the scale?
Hell? You got some of that fairy dust to sell?
Or did it come at a cost?
Were you eating oodles and noodles and drinking the sauce?
Did you have to party less and study more, take a job scrubbing kitchen floors.
On campus no less.
Everybody seeing you, no one wanting to be you, and nothing but will pulling you.
See the ones who want to see the light, will question why day never comes after night.
Problems. Problems won’t push me away.
A brother that decides to stay in a mentality with no gray just black and white.
Never questioning why day never follows night.
That just ain’t right. You worth the fight?

———————————————————————————

I’m on the move and my writings are going with me. This should be fun.

It’s Time To Let Them Go: Even Though They Are Family

November 18th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

When you are trying to learn about yourself, you often look to the people around you. More often than not, this brings you to the members of your family. I’m not going to get into specifics but I got a few stories for you. These are people I know and the stories are real.

1st Story

There is grandmother who loves her family. She has spent her entire life working to make sure her family had more than she had. Her and her husband had 5 kids. They raised their family in a house with no running water. Understand this. No running water. No bathroom, they had to pee and poop in a bucket. No shower, they had to bathe in a basins. If you wanted drinking water, you had to go outside and pump it from a well.

The woman lost her husband and realized she had to bear the weight of her family. At the age of 64, she went back to work to take care of her grown children and their children. Then her children move out and leave their children with the grandmother.

The grandmother does what she’s always done, step up and take care of her family. Years pass and her home of 50 years is deteriorating due to lack of upkeeping. The now grown grandchildren have done nothing with their lives and still live in the house. They sell drugs, have parties, and demand the attention of the local police.

In one raid of the house, a pollice officer decided he was going to report the bad structure of the house over all. The county came and told the grandmother her house was to be condemned because it was unliveable. They were all instructed to move out within 90 days.

The grandmother moved in with her oldest daughter and all the grand kids found other places to live. One of the grandmother’s co-workers felt so bad about the situation, she wrote a letter to a foundation in the community explaining the sacrifices of the grandmother. This foundation decided to re-build the house for the her.

The grandmother was so excited. On move in day, she threw a big party and eveyone came to see her new house. It was beautiful. All new appliances, fresh paint, clean floors, and two bathrooms.

How long do you think this house stayed like that?

2nd story

There was a single mother of three raising her kids in a 3 bedroom house. Her older brother hadn’t really done anything with his life and was currrently occupying one of the bedrooms.

Let me introduce you a little to the brother. He was a Honor’s graduate that joined the army after High School. He purposely got kicked out because he wanted to keep an eye on his girlfriend at the time. When he got home, he and his girlfriend broke up.

He found another girlfriend that wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. She got him enrolled in college and found them a place to live where he wouldn’t be near bad influences. He was a great artist and even got scholarships to pay for college.

When he got the check, he cashed it and bought a pack to sell. Eventually he dropped out of school because he was making a little money selling crack. Things didn’t turn out that well for him, so he found himself living back with his sister.

Their father never played a role in their lives. Both blame him but the sister has compassion. She understood that he had been sick for a long time and he really coundn’t have done much for them. So, when the father’s house burned down, the sister invited him to live with her.

Here comes the problem. The brother isn’t having it. He argues with the sister about the father’s presence. He says that anyone that doesn’t take care of their children, shouldn’t be taken care of.

Did I forget to mention, the brother had a kid by both women and doesn’t take care of either?

3rd Story

There is a woman that needs to belong. She was spoiled by her mother her entire life because her mother made so many bad decisions when it came to men. When she would pick a bad man, her child would get a treat. When she got a black eye, her daughter got a mustang. When she got a broken rib, her daughter got a trip for her and her friends to Florida. When she got robbed, her daughter got 50% of the proceeds from selling her house.

The mother decided to move away but the women didn’t want to go with her. She was excited about starting a new life for herself. She took the money and bought a house. Soon she came to realize she missed having a family around.

So, the first guy that payed her any attention, she grabbed hold of and refused to let him go. Even after he tried to sell her mustang. Even after he took her T.V., D.V.D. player, and emptied her checking account. She decided she would change him by having his child.

I don’t even have to tell you, this didn’t work. The woman soon found herself surrounded by his family and they all had their hand out. You can afford this house, you got money you can lend me. You drive a bad ass car, you can let me use it. You have an extra bedroom, why can’t I stay?

The women was so scarred of being alone, she let all these things come to pass. Soon, her car was crashed, she was now late on all her bills, and she had to get restraining orders to keep people from coming to her house whenever they wanted.

But she refused to let go of the man that brought all these problems into her life. Instead, she figures the first kid didn’t make him change but I’m sure the second one will.

Do you think anything changed for her?

The Point

Stop looking at the people around you. O.K. maybe I didn’t put that right. Stop looking at the people around you, if you are trying to figure out who you are.

See, I want to have the hard work ethic of the Grandmother. I want to have the compassion of the single mother. I want to have the family aura of the woman. But they all come at such a high cost. At least if taken at face value.

I’m not the nicest person. I try but I find it hard sometimes. I’ve had conversations with the subjects of all three stories and they are all so nice. They believe no matter what is happening now, one day it will all make sense.

It makes no sense to me. I don’t understand why you thought a new house would make your grandchildren show respect. I don’t understand why grandchildren would destroy something that meant so much to their grandmother. I don’t understand why you would take care of a grown man, when there is nothing physically wrong with him. I don’t understand why you take care of three kids, work a full time job, and still have to cut grass when there is a grown ass man living in your house. I don’t understand why you do great by yourself but are constantly looking for someone to compliment you on it. I don’t understand why you accept the compliment when it comes with an out reached hand.

So I’m done looking around. It’s time to let them go, even though they are family. Like I said before, I know how to take the lessons and leave the rest. None of these stories have a happy ending. The grandmother said she was done. She moved out of her new home. The single mother is now sharing a bedroom with her oldest daughter. The woman finally stood up and now has to deal with being hated for doing so.

They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that’s why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers. I can find a better place to expand my energy.

My Heart Is In Heaven; So Is My Mom

November 18th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

If you don’t know, I was adopted as a child. I knew my biological Mother and Father but was raised by an angel. My mom was a single mother with two kids of her own. She took me in and treated me like I was one of her own.

Back in the day, I didn’t understand the struggle of taking in another child. I didn’t understand how much it takes to raise one child, not to mention three. I didn’t know there were people who put the needs of others so far ahead of their own needs. And yet I was blessed by this beautiful woman to have a life filled with love, family, and God.

I want to share something with you. I found out my mother was sick on Monday. I found out I was pregnant with my daughter on Tuesday and my mom passed that night. I came from the Hospital and wrote this:

Little child, all alone.

Come live with me, I’ll give you a home

I don’t have much in the physical sense

But I can give you something truly heaven sent

I can give you love, a place you belong

I’ll show you God’s love, how to be strong

I’ll give you solid ground on which you can grow

I’ll teach you to learn more than I could know

A lifetime worth of laughter, all the love I’ve known

Take my hand little child to never again be alone

This is what my mother gave to me. She gave me the sense of belonging. And my heart is always with her.

I hope she knows.

He Can Do Whatever He Likes: Laugh With Me This Morning

November 18th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

In Process of Change

November 15th, 2008 | By Sonnie Johnson

Dear Readers,

I’m guessing you know I’m a real opinionated person. I get on this blog everyday and write what ever comes to mind. I find it an useful release to my daily life. Well, things are getting more complicated by the day.

This blog has opened up a lot of opportunities for me. In the future I’ll make more of these public, like the publishing of my first novel, YES. But it comes at a high price.

When barriers are knocked down in front of you, you realize that some of those barriers were the people you surrounded yourself with. The people you thought would have your back no matter what are actually the people that don’t want to see you succeed.

The one’s that encouraged your efforts in the first place become the one’s that tell you to slow down. Or they tell you to change who you are. Or they ask you if you think you are better than them. This leads you to wonder if there is really a problem with you.

Or at least, it leads me down that path. I just realized something really important I want to share with you. Maybe it is you. I know that seems funny but there is reason behind my madness.

You are growing. You are changing. And it’s all right. I am growing and changing and that’s O.K. too. The problem is the people around us are not doing the same. I’m going to steal a great peice of wisdom I got from Specta. Ask yourself, “Have I known you for 5 years or did I know you 5 years ago.”

I’ve been struggling with this concept for about a week now. And it’s not any easy problem to solve because no matter what answer you get, it’s still been 5 years of your life invested in this person. Whether it’s a best friend, a lover, a business partner, or a pastor, that person had to have made an impact on your life during that time period. It’s hard to not hold that in account when you’re thinking about the changes you are going through.

But it has to be done. I’m changing. My writing is even suffering a little because of it. I’m so stuck in trying to figure out my personal, I get lost keeping up with the rest of what’s going on. I go back and try to change passages in my novel I thought were perfect a week ago. Topics I have for my blog get put off because I want to re-examine my positions with my new set of eyes.

And it’s beginning to take a toll on me. Rest assure, I’m not complaining. I’m just enlightening myself as well as anyone that likes what I normally write. Things are changing and my blog will reflect that. The person I am meant to become will reflect that.

So please bear with me through this transition. Hopefully it won’t be as bad as I think but good things rarely come without a shit load of the bad. So I’m digging in and bracing myself. It should be fun to see where I come out in the end.

Thanks for all the support and hang on. I think this is going to be one hell of a ride.

Sonskystar