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A Story From My Trip

October 27th, 2008 | By

I must apologize for my absence. I was dealing with some personal issues but now I’m back. I got a great story for you though.

I was visiting my peeps and my baby cousin was arguing with her baby daddy. They aren’t officially a couple but they are always together. Anyways, she was telling him that she needed some diapers for their daughter. He was telling her that he didn’t have any money.

I’ve never met the dude, so I didn’t really pay attention to the conversation. Come to find out the hard times are really hitting the streets. The drug dealers are being affected by the the economy. I lie to you not. My baby cousins dude isn’t selling crack like he used too.

Me, being who I am, told her to get him to come to the house. Two cars pull up. One was a Chrysler cop car with shiny rims painted bright orange. I lie to you not. Bright fucking orange. The other was a brand new 2008 Tahoe Hybrid.

Her baby daddy hopped out the bright orange car, switched keys with the driver of the Hybrid, and pulled all his chains from under his shirt. Now my cousin is trying to find a job but she doesn’t have a car. This dude has three cars and won’t let her use one to find a job. He lives in a nice neighborhood and she lives with family. He is dressed head to toe in name brands but so is my baby cousin.

He walks up and throws $20 dollars at my cousin, who immediately bent down and picked it up. Then she started smiling and being nice to the dude. She was cussing him out an hour earlier. Now she was blushing like it was her first crush. I got sick.

So then another car pulls up in front of the house and I got a blast from my past. My biggest crush that never materialized was standing in front of my face. Let’s call him, G. Damn, he looked good. He rushed to hug me and I let him. I felt like I was 16 again.

Anyways, turns out G and the baby daddy are cousins, small world. Then G told me something so interesting. He told my cousin not to fuck with his cousin because men like them were no good. I didn’t think it was possible to lose so much respect for a person so fast.

Let me tell you G’s explanation, this is what pisses me off about alot of black men that I meet. He said it isn’t anyone’s fault that he is still a drug dealer. It’s his choice and he knows were he is going to end up but that won’t ever stop him. There were six of us back then, always together no matter what. Three of us have jobs and lives that no longer involve drugs. One is in Jail. One is dead for trying to shot back at the police officers trying to arrest him. And then there’s G.

G informed me that he was proud of me for changing my life. He said he knew I had it in me. When I told him he had it in him too, he said “I know”. When I tried to press the issue, he said “I’m always going to be me”. And that was it. End of discussion.

We momentarily talked about our kids and our families but I immediately realized how much I had changed. The trivial talk that once sustained me no longer was enough. We said our Goodbyes and they left.

A few minutes later, my baby cousin gave me her phone. G said he wanted to catch up with me some more and asked if he could come back over after he finished some business. I told him, No. My cousin lost her damn mind.

“Do you know how much money he has?”

I wanted to slap her. Good thing the rest of my family jumped on her because I was in a foul mood. Before I left, I pulled my cousin aside and kept it short and sweet. “If you keep worrying about what that man is doing you will never have time to focus on what you can do.” She didn’t want to hear it and I was tired of talking to her.

Then I found out how to get her attention. My daughter asked her to walk out to the car with us and she did. Guess who was waiting in the front yard, her baby daddy with a 89 Nissan Sentra just like I used to have. Now she would have transportation to find her a job.

Before I could pull out the yard, she ran to me with her phone. It was G. Seems he had a little conversation with her baby daddy. The fucked up thing is, he told him that with money being slow he should want his baby mama to have a job so she won’t ask him for money all the time. That’s the only reason he decided to get her a car.

Our conversation didn’t stop there but the rest is rather personal, so I won’t share. Let’s just say there is still a drug dealer I used to know back in Richmond. And one day, some one is going to tell me he is dead or in jail. He knows it and I know it. But until then he will continue to destroy the lives of the people that come in contact with him. For the first time in years, I’m glad I’m no longer 16.

My baby cousin took that $20 that was supposed to be for her daughter and went out with her friends. My Aunt had to end up buying diapers for her daughter. I doubt my aunt will even bring it up the her. And I’m sure she’ll be back to arguing about the needs of a child she doesn’t even take care of.

And me. Left to wonder what can you do to make the streets not sound so sweet. How can you connect with kids that could go to college but would rather hold down a corner? How do you reach daughters that see the struggles of their mother’s and still have babies way to early? How do you convince life long friends you talk to them because you know they hold more inside?

More than that. How can you reach the one’s that know they are wrong and continue on? How can you look into their mother’s eyes at a funeral and not shed a tear? What kind of heart does that take?

From personal experience, I know that takes a heart that is afraid to cry. But not only that, it takes a total understanding of knowing they knew it would end that way and they did it. Not looking back blaming the police or the rival, but a glimpse back at who that person was. It makes it alot easier not to cry.

Is that what we’ve become. Communities with an inability to cry. Yes, we can yell and scream but can we heal? Yes, we can blame and point fingers but can we uplift? Yes, we can mourn but can we also remember? Or are we afraid? Are we scared what the people around us would think if we were the first to shed a tear?

I wonder how long these questions will go unanswered.

Towards The Future

October 26th, 2008 | By

What does the Future hold? Well, you only have to look in the past to find out. Because the past often repeats itself, just in new situations and circumstance. And that should bring you comfort because you made it through the past. It should also bring you hope because you can plot a general course for the future by learning the mistakes of the past.

So again I ask, What does the future hold? Day by day decision making that will forge your foundation. The strength of that foundation is up to you. For that is all you can do. Place your future upon your shoulders and make a way, even when the days seem grim. You’ve done it before and you can do it again.

This time look back at what you’ve been through and leave it in the past. Look at what you’re going through and learn the lessons life has provided in the present. And don’t worry about the future, you are well prepared for it.

Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present. Marcus Aurelius Antoninus (121 AD – 180 AD)

A Time For Change:Chapter 5

October 26th, 2008 | By

When I heard the car tires spin off, I knew that it was Trish, and her cab driver was trying to get out of here and fast. I was surprised the he had brought her this far into Lynnville , at night no less. I unlocked all the bolts on the door and peeped my head out. Trish was making her way through the hood rats that returned for the best post up position. I bet that was the number one cause of murder around here. Goldie doesn’t control his people. His philosophy is the strong survive. So, if you can’t protect your corner, you lost it. I understood his point of view, but I thought that caused more slow money days. It wasn’t my block so I let him run it his way. It’s just hard to keep up with all the changes that happen on this block. Back home you knew everyone on the set and if someone new came in he would meet the welcoming party.

Trish came through the door with a little baggie in her hand. The little boy on the corner said this would blow your mind. I stuck my head out the door, Lil J, raised his hand. I mouthed ‘how much’. He put both hands in the air and smiled so I could see his mouth full of shiny teeth. I nodded and closed the door.

I grabbed the bag out of Trish’s hand. She stood there stunned. I guess she thought that my place would be decked out. She was stuck in one spot. I asked if she wanted something to drink. She said something strong, so I poured us both Hennessey straight in my fancy glasses. I had thought about fixing this place up, but I kept too much money in here, giving fiends another reason to break in was pushing it.

“So, now I see why you never want company.”

Just as I was about to tell her she could get the fuck out, there came a very fast loud knocking on the door. I set the glasses down on the living room table, and opened the chestnut box in the middle. I pulled out my .25 and walked to the door. I asked who it was, as I peeked through the hole.

“Goldie!” he shouted. “We need to talk.”

“This is why I don’t have company. Just sit still and be quiet.” I said as I motioned Trish to take a seat on the love seat in the corner of the room. I tucked the gun into the back of my sweats and pulled the strings tight enough to hold it in place. I pulled my shirt over the back and opened the door. Goldie pushed his way in. I was not used to seeing him in this state. I stood back as he paced the floor, mumbling under his breath.

“What’s up, Goldie?” He continued to pace the floor as if the words had never come out of my mouth. I hate when I waste my words, but by his demeanor, I thought it better to wait until he composed himself. He was dressed up in his war gear. All black, scully, gloves and all. Sweat beads formed and fell from his forehead every time he took a breath. His hands were balled into fist, clenched tight. His mouth was tight with every word that partially managed to get uttered. Then like some thing had broken his trance, he stopped.

“I need a re-up. Tonight.” He said in a softer, more acceptable tone.

“It doesn’t work like that, and you know it.” I calmly replied as he began pacing the floor again. “Plus, we’re in the presence of mixed company.”

“I don’t give a fuck about that bitch. I lost all my work tonight. Do you hear me? All of it. I got my two main soldiers coming, and I ain’t got no work.”

“I didn’t rob you, so you need to calm the fuck down. You need to remember who the fuck you are talking to.” I started to reach around my back for my gun when Sean’s voice startled me.

“Where the fuck you been?” Goldie shouted at Sean. “You should have been out there holdin me down. You ain’t no fucking good. Ain’t never been good. Ain’t gon never be good. I should have let your mom abort you.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had never heard Goldie lose his grip that way. I’ve seen him beat a man within an inch of his life, but that was slight aggression. This was something different. This was rage. Sean stood there expression less. The last time I saw that look on his face, I had just met him. I remembered how sorry I had felt for him.

I knew that the best thing to do was let them work things out for themselves, but as Goldies’ remark got more loud and hateful, it got harder to sit by. Goldie’s attention was locked on Sean, so I took that time to get better position flanking Goldie. He had kept me safe over the last two years, and I appreciated it, but Sean was my son. He was the only one in town that knew my real name, my real story.

I made eye contact with Trish. She was more intrigued than she was scared. I stared at her with an intense glare hoping to get her attention with out drawing Goldie’s. She caught my gaze, and I darted my eyes towards the hallway that lead to two tiny bedrooms. She shifted in her chair and made the handle of her .25 very noticeable from my angle. I was shocked, but was snapped back into reality quickly when Goldie mentioned my name.

“You think that bitch really gives a damn about you?” He questioned as he shot his eyes towards me. That was it. He had gone too far. I put my head down like I was to scared to say anything. He turned back facing Sean, who was no longer standing in the hallway. He was making his way in front of Trish. “See, she act like she all hard, but when it comes down to it,”

He stopped talking as he felt the barrel of my gun push into the back of his head. He put both his hands in the air.

“Bitch, you know I’ll kill you for this.”

“I think I gave you the wrong representation of myself. You think I give a damn if you call me names. You think I can’t handle a want to be drug dealer.” I pulled back the hammer of the gun, loud enough to make sure it was a clear and resounding noise that made Goldie flinch. “I made you what you are. Don’t you forget that. I gave you the work that made you a king. I have nothing to lose and taking your life would mean nothing to me. I can get your body disposed of for a minimal cost. Matter of fact I bet I can get it done for free.”

Sean shook his head. He hadn’t spoke since he had called my name upon making his first appearance. I didn’t know exactly what he wanted until he took his gun out of his pants. He slid it to Trish. I reached into the back of Goldie’s pants until I located the butt of his gun. I pulled it from his pants and handed it to Sean. He gave Goldie’s gun to Trish, who grasped it with the bottom of her tank velour top. I took two steps back and to the side to make room for Goldie to get out the front door. I still had my gun pointed to his head as he turned and focused his dark eyes on me.

I put the gun down to my side and regained those steps as I got real up close and personal with Goldie. The stature of his hard shoulders softened the more he realized I wasn’t scared. The truth be told, I was terrified. I didn’t give it away though. I stood there motionless like a tree. He huffed and puffed under his breath.

“No matter how hard the wind blows, the mountain will never bow to it.” Goldie was a little slow on the up take. He didn’t understand what I had said. I dropped my head slightly in disgust. I guess that was the mistake Goldie was waiting for. He grabbed my throat and began to choke the shit out of me. I swung the gun and connected with the top of Goldie’s head. It didn’t stop him, so I didn’t stop either. After the fourth hit, his grasp loosened from my neck, in time to see Sean pushing Trish into his bedroom. I swung one more time and this one opened a huge gash on Goldie’s forehead. He stuttered back and then made is way to the door.

“This isn’t over, bitch.” I heard him remark, as I tried to regain my breath. The door closed with a loud bang, and I felt a hand on my back. Without thinking I turned a swung. I put too much behind the punch, thankfully. I lost my balance and just grazed the side of Sean’s face. I felt wetness on my knuckles and immediately turned my attention to Sean. There was a stream of tears rolling down his face. I had never seen him cry. Everything that boy had been through, and this was the first time I had seen him cry.

He grabbed my hand and kissed it. My eyes begged him, NO. I grasped his hand hard and began shaking my head, NO. His eyes pleaded with me. Usually he asks me to help him get out of trouble. This time he wanted me to let him go. I knew I had no choice. I called for Trish. She opened the door.

“Give him his gun back.” I said refusing to let go of Sean’s hand. She wiped off the gun and handed it back to Sean. He took it with his free hand. My eyes began to fill and the tears burned right into my brain. I couldn’t lose him. I couldn’t let that happen.

“I’m tired of being tired.” He caught my attention. I let go of his hand, stood up, and wiped my face. Here he was 13, caught in a life that he didn’t ask for, but instead of running he was going to fight back. All this time I thought I was teaching him. It’s sad when you realize too late the lessons you should learn.

“Ready for war?” I asked trying to hide what I was really feeling. His face hardened over, and his body became tense. His fist clenched the gun, while his other hand hung by his side. I grabbed it, but this time I made him hit himself several times in the chest. I kept hitting him in the same place until he grimaced. “Remember that pain, if you get caught in a bad position. The pain means your still alive, and as long as your alive,,,”

“It ain’t over.” He mouthed back.

I had so much I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. How much of a difference he had made in my life. I wanted lock him in the bedroom and never let him out. I wanted to save him. To make sure he was alright. Instead I held my tongue between my teeth. Every time I came close to letting go, I’d bite down as hard as I could. When his hand touched the front door, I tasted the blood as it began to fill my mouth.

“I love you, mama.” He said as he closed the door behind him. I ran to the door and opened it. Sean didn’t turn around, he just kept on walking. The burning from my eyes and the pain welling up on my tongue, made me realize this wasn’t my choice. I couldn’t make it for him. We both are still alive so it isn’t over.

“I love you, son.” He paused for only a second. Then kept going off into the night. I didn’t know if I’d ever see him again, and my heart ached badly. “Please, come back to me, son. Please come back to me.”

A Big House Reality: Chapter 4

October 26th, 2008 | By

Carver sat on the edge of the bed in Vanessa’s three bedroom house. It was nice, you know, clean and welcoming, but it was no Oliver Estates. The place he once called home until Stacey found out about Vanessa. It wouldn’t have been that bad, if Stacey hadn’t caught him in hospital while their nine month old was having seizures. I wouldn’t have been completely horrible if Vanessa wasn’t having a baby at the time. He screwed up, and he knew it. He never loved anyone other than Stacey, and now she was gone for good.

He had the money to get his own place, but Carver hated being alone. There was always a woman waiting for him, and if there wasn’t he went and found one quick. The only problem, he didn’t like condoms, and wouldn’t let the doctor get close enough for a vasectomy. He just kept having babies.

The house was quiet, Vanessa and CJ were gone out for the day. Carver looked at the picture of him and Vanessa at high school prom. Then he looked at the recent picture of her and CJ. She had changed and Carver realized she wasn’t cute enough for him. He got up off the bed, and began throwing things into his suitcase. He had never unpacked it, so repacking was easy. He grabbed a pen and pad to leave Vanessa a note, but he couldn’t figure out what to say. He had done this so many times, he could always find the words, but nothing. He threw the pad on the bed, grabbed his bags and left.

He got in his car, and stared at the little house. He put the car in reverse and began pulling out the driveway. The vibration of the phone in his pocket startled him. He knew why? He felt guilty. He didn’t want it to be Vanessa. He couldn’t lie to her right now. He turned off his phone.

He waited until he pulled up the Holiday Inn to check his voicemail. There was only one message. It was from the production studio that wanted him for a realty show. They’re shooting in two weeks. They also understand why his wife Stacey couldn’t be there. He was excited, this is exactly what he needed.

Remembering What’s Important

October 23rd, 2008 | By

I’ve been absent the last couple of days attending to my daughter.  Thanks for all the prayers sent out to her.  She came through fine and at 3:00 today, she was back to being her up upbeat, loving self.  Thank you, Lord.

When I got home, my answering machine was full of messages.  I thought how special it was that so many people cared about the well being of my daughter.  Then I got hit, right in the gut, with a reality check.  My father was found on the side of the road unconscious with a fever of 106.   They don’t know if he just has a bad case of the flu or if he had a minor stroke.

My dad and I had a wonderful relationship when I was a child.  My favorite moment came when I was about 7 or 8.  My dad used to let me sit on his lap and drive his favorite truck.  One day I drove his truck into the ditch.  I remember being so scared until I heard him laughing.  He wasn’t mad, he just asked if I was O.K.

As the years went past our relationship changed.  I think some where along the way he forgot how to show affection.  And that caused our relationship to stray.  We barely speak now, only talking when I take my daughter to see him. And when they get together they forget I exist.

Today though, I had to take a look back on my life again.  I had to think about what my father meant to me and what I want my daughter to think of her father.  Sometimes I think I get to personal on this thing but fuck it.

When they say a daughter looks for a man like her father, I have to believe it’s true.  I found one just like my father.  A hard worker that will walk through fire to make sure you are O.K. physically but they don’t know how to treat emotional pain.  So today when I was sad, my man asked if I wanted to get my hair done this weekend.

I no longer point out the ineffectiveness of buying away pain, at least for me.  I understand it’s just his way of trying to get me to feel better.  If I look good, then I’ll feel good.  But a new hair style won’t make me forget my father is in the hospital.  It won’t make me forget they can’t figure out exactly what’s wrong with him.

Temporary things don’t change the problems.  Yes, you can go out and get a new dress but does it eliminate the problems that made you so sad in the beginning.  The question becomes what’s really important?

Family is always important.  Education is always important.  What about your personal well being?  Alot of us were brought up by parents that didn’t have much.  They turn around and try to give us everything.  They want to make sure we have the shoes they could never get.  They want to make sure we have a car when we are able to drive.  They forget to give us what they had.  The confidence that fighting for what’s right is the answer.

And we grow up not knowing any better.  So today I recaptured what’s important.  Trying to give my daughter the things I did have.  A mother that stresses the importance of learning.  A father that stresses hard work and cleanliness.  An aunt that stresses self confidence.  An uncle that stresses imagination.  Grandparents that pass down hard learned lessons. You know, all the things you and I had but overlooked because we wanted Nike’s.

I urge you all to take a look back to set the future.  That doesn’t mean look back at all the problems and try to find someone to blame.  Look back on the decisions you’ve made and think were they really that important.    Think back on how you were raised and see if you are teaching your child the lessons you’ve already learned.  Because that’s what’s really important.

Sonskystar Wants Your Vote

October 16th, 2008 | By

Local Politician Sonskystar gave a speech in front of Any Town U.S.A. today.  Here’s a copy of her words:

Hello, Everyone.  We’ve got a lot to cover, so let’s go.  I know this is usually the part where I throw out names and Thank You’s but I think we have more important issues to discuss.  So for all the assistance I’ve garnered along the way,  Thank You.

Now, I know you are surprised to see a Black Woman running as a Republican.   And I know people will try to scare you about me.  But this is not the time to let their tactics interfer with your future. I’m not asking for your vote.  I’m asking for your ear, a little of your time, and eventually your success.

The Civil Rights movement in this country came at a high cost.  We lost some of the bravest most dedicated Americans to ever grace this country.  But their fight was not in vein.  Some would try to tell you we are in the same fight now.  I beg to differ.  We are in a new age.  And we need a new movement, a Hip Hop Movement.

We can not overlook tragedies from the past.  We can not act as though slavery, Jim Crow, and segregation never existed.  But we can refuse to let it control our futures.  We can give honor and respect to those who came before us, but that can not cause us to stand idle like the battlefield hasn’t changed.   We must stand and say Thank You Dr. King,  Malcolm X, and all the rest but this is our time to pick up where you left off.  You gave us the level playing field and now we have to take advantage of your sacrifices.

If you’re listening right now and thinking to yourself, ‘You know she doesn’t sound like your average politician.’  You are right.  I am not.  See most politicians would come out and make you every promise under the sun.  You give them a problem, they come  up with a promise for a solution.

The lower class and lower middle class have given our votes to the Democrats for years.  What have they done for you?  Have your communities gotten cleaner or safer?  Have your schools gotten better?  Are there more after school programs and assistance towards getting into college.  And I’m not talking about paying for college.  I’m talking wanting to go to college.  What’s the use of throwing money at people, if they don’t have the skills to make it in college because they weren’t taught properly in public schools.

Okay, now she’s starting to sound like a politician.  I’m not finished yet. This will shock you.  I will not make you any promises.  I’m not going to stand here, pull out my book of magic spells, my wand, and whip up all the change we need.  It doesn’t work that way.  My plans will fail if I can’t get you to fight with me.

The Democrats want to give you.  And that sounds great.  But what happens when the funding runs out?  What happens when they deem the program unworkable.  The promises made by Politicians fade and beauracracy flourishes.  And you are left with the same old problems, this time compiled with dashed hopes and dreams.

What I offer is priceless.  I offer self sufficiency.  I don’t want to give you fish, I want to teach you to be fisherman.  I want to give you the power to take care of yourself and your community, no matter how the wind blows in Washington.  I want to take away the promises and replace them with actual results.

I think most Politicians get into office and forget their role.  They get into office and start to think they know best.  I’m not that smug.  If one single person had all the answers, we wouldn’t have any problems.  As your elected official, my job would be to give you every tool available to do it by yourself.  And to fight anyone that impedes on your progress.  I mean anyone.  Because I know my success will only come when you are first successful.

Real change comes with a price tag attached for everyone.  I can not bring change.  That’s one promise I will make you.  I can not do it.  But you can.  You can decide to stand up and fight.  Because the fight of our time is coming.  And you’ve already taken the first step.

In just listening to another point of view.  Just giving me the chance to show you, I understand.  I grew up in a rural community where Confederate Flags still waved from flag poles.  Then I lived in the projects with my single mother.  I know the struggles are real and seem insurmountable but they aren’t.  Did you hear me?  If we all get together and start taking one step at a time, we can crush what seems to be an ever present road block.

That’s how the Civil Rights movement started.  Single acts from brave Americans.  Before there were large marches, there were small marches.  Before there were recognizable names, there were people fighting.  Before there was light at the end of the tunnel, there was a dream.

So when they tell you, ‘She’s a Republican.  She’s an Uncle Tom.  A trader to her race because she sides with ‘Whitey’.  Then you say, ‘I have white friends and family.  What’s wrong with loving all Americans not just those with the same skin color?’  So when they bring up things from the past, you question how that will get you into the future.

Guess what?  You have started to pile stones onto your foundation. And that’s how it starts.  A few brave Americans deciding to longer go with the status quo.  A few brave Americans willing to stand up when everyone wants them to fail and say I’m still going to fight.

And the change starts to come.  Little changes to fix little problems, making the bigger problems seem less threatening.  And we have some major problems that need fixing.

Communication is our major barrier.  We have so many people pointing to the past.  And hell, in some cases the right here and now.  But you don’t hear a way out.  A real way towards self sufficiency.  Now I could point fingers but what would that solve.  Nothing.  We would still be in this downward slide with more weight dragging us down.

Instead let’s start talking about the real issues that plague our communities.  And that’s where it all starts.  In our communities.  Everyone is interested in the Presidential Election but what about your local elections.  This is where the majority of the issues that face average Americans are really hammered out.  What does it matter if the Federal Government pledges Millions of Dollars to this or that, if your local officials decide the money would be better spent some where else.

The Federal Government gives a state $10 Million for new computers in schools.  But the state and local governments decide to give that money to the Teacher’s Union because they supported them in the last election.  Then they complain that the school doesn’t have the resources it needs.  Local Officials have to be held to a higher standard of accountability and transparency.  It’s not enough to have meetings where people voice their opinions to have them overturned by the very people they voted into office.

Then you get parking lots instead of community centers.  Students are forced to pay for school books, while politicians get pay raises.  And then they come back to you with the same promise that next time will be different.  Next time I’m going to do something about substance abuse in our communities.  Next time I’m going for better social programs.  But those programs never come.  The solutions never appear.  And the problems are never solved.

That’s a major reason to let faith based initiatives continue.  Government can not fix every problem with the same solution.  Each community faces different challenges.  And who better to know the challenges than the people who live there.  If you are tired of waiting for a new community center and you want to open one through your church, funds should be made available.  I trust you more with caring how that money is spent than a politician with campaign debts to pay off.

My family is saturated with drug abusers.  My biological mother was an addict when I was born and is still addicted today.  And that breaks my heart.  But my oldest sister was an addict and now she’s found her way back. All praises to God.  She’s working two jobs, trying to settle her debts of the past, and not making any excuses why it’s too hard.  Recovery is possible.

For my sister, it all started with a small business in her community that was willing to give her a chance. A white couple who lived in her Ghetto community didn’t see color or her past.  All they saw was a woman trying to get her life back.  All they saw was an opportunity to help.  And they should be rewarded so they can give that chance to as many people as possible.

The federal government couldn’t reach my sister.  The local government couldn’t reach my sister.  One couple of brave Americans not only reached her, they grabbed her, held her tight, and refused to let her fail.  And in return, she refuses to let their outreach be in vain.

There is something to be said about people who faced adversity and come out the other side.  They develop this wonderful trait called character.  They can look back and realize the mistakes they made.  And they begin to notice those decisions also had an affect on their communities.  And this is when great men and women are born.

And that’s what we need.  A real rebirth in our communities.  Who cares how the drugs got here?  How do we get them out?  Who cares how low our property values are currently?  How can we get them to rival  other neighborhoods in the city?

The problem is, we look to government to solve those problems.  Let’s look to the great men and women being born out of these hard circumstances.  They know why the problems exist, they were there.  Let them have a hand at revitalizing our communities.  Let them have the victory and pride in knowing they are the stewards of the people.  Let them fight for job growth by opening businesses.  Give them unused city buildings or space to start financial counseling and debt elimination.

People, when I say we are on the door step of a new movement, please believe me.   We are in the ‘Keep it Real’ stage in our history.  But we don’t apply it when in matters.  If somebody steps on my shoes, I’ll knock him out.  If you look at me wrong……you know what I mean.  We need people who will say the things people don’t want to hear.

We need the former drug dealers and addicts to speak up.  We need the single mother’s and once absentee father’s to speak up.  I can follow in Cosby’s footsteps and tell you bluntly all the problems in our communities or I can let the men and women you see everyday explain how to help you out of your current situation.  I can let them work and prosper.  My job would be to fight anyone that would dare say they aren’t qualified.  My job would be to fight anyone that said money could be better spent paying for my next election.  My job would be to make sure anyone that tells you it’s not worth the fight is silenced, by any and all means necessary.

And with each new stone, with each new victory, you will see change.  I’ll still be me.  But I doubt you’ll still be the same.  Success is contagious.  Today we are surrounded by all the reasons we can’t make it.  What happens when you start seeing everyone around you prove that theory wrong?  You get that little flutter in your heart thinking, ‘Why can’t that be me?’.  And you hear my loud mouth saying, ‘It can be you’, drowning out all the reasons and excuses.

You decide to go to Malik’s debt management class.  Not only do you come out with a sense that things are going to be different because this plan depends on you; you also found out about Mrs. T’s new daycare program,  Rev. Johnson’s new job training program, Shantel’s new health and awarness clinic, and a host of other programs and businesses set up by people just like you.

You go home happy.  Dare I say, optimistic.  And you look into the eyes of your child and now you want more for him or her.  Now you want to attend every P.T.A. meeting to let every parent know that you are starting a new tutoring program.  Not just for the kids but for adults that want more than they presently have.  And you become infectious. And you bring change.  And you strengthen the foundation of your community.

And when it’s time to pick the city counsel, the people will cry out for you, Mrs. T, and Shantel.  You will get your opportunity to start building your community floor by floor, because each and everyone of you worked together to make a solid foundation.  And no one will be able to take it from you.  And no financial crisis will cripple you.  Because your progress was not built on false promises but hard work by new movers and shakers.

A new generation with new problems.  We are no longer fighting for our right to learn to read.  We are now fighting for schools that don’t pass students even when they can’t read.  We are no longer fighting for our right to not be called property.  We are now fighting to be responsible home owners.  We are no longer fighting to to be called men and women despite color.  We are now fighting to become men and women by character, dedication and sacrifice.

Our schools need help.  That’s why charter schools are so important.  And vouchers to make those schools affordable are even more important.  Now that you’ve started your tutoring program, more parents are getting involved in their child’s lives.

Let me point something out real quick.  Some may say, these ideas have been tried before.  To that I say, by the wrong people.  You can not give this job to the government to handle.  The government doesn’t know how to make a tutoring program interesting in the Urban areas.  If you leave it to the people in those areas, I’m sure they will create the buzz needed to get people to participate.  They know the people, what they want, and they know how to get them there. The programs are more effective.

The targets are reached.  Young boys one step away from being haunted for the rest of their lives by a felony.  Young girls one step away from being single mothers.  Young men and women one step away from contracting H.I.V.  Young men and women one step away from taking my job, they just don’t know it yet.  And I welcome that.

Some people will tell you it’s a right to own a home.  I am not one of those people.  Home ownership is a privelage and a responsibility, not a right.  But it is also a struggle.  Saving for a down payment while trying to start your own business is almost an impossiblity.  Saving while trying to finish school and take care of a family fits into the same category, nearly impossible.

That’s where my job comes in.  I’ll fight to get social programs that do not help propel self sufficiency removed, freeing up money for new programs.  Cut government programs that should be handled by locals and give them vouchers for home down payments.  Reward small business owners with better loan options depending on the number of jobs they create.  This gives them incentive to make their business grow.

And other programs that I think miss the target will have to be adjusted as well.  I don’t understand why you can get welfare for not working but the minute you get a job, you are cut off.  It’s like the government wants to reward you for relying on them.  Take that power from them.  Don’t let them control your vote by controlling your destiny.

If you currently live in public housing, I don’t expect you to miraculously solve all your problems in a month or two.  It takes time to catch up on old bills and buy a car that allows you to get back and forth to work. It takes time to balance a budget; to figure out how much you can afford to spend on housing, insurance, and every thing else it takes to make it in this country.

You should be awarded for taking a step forward.  And I will fight to make sure your food stamps aren’t cut off because you have a minimum wage job.  I’ll fight to help keep your benefits until you complete your G.E.D., college courses, technical school courses, or save enough to know you can handle it on your own. I’ll fight to make sure you see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Because I know when you come out the other side, you will have character and courage to know nothing can stop you.  And you will want to give back to the community that gave you that feeling.

And the cycle will continue.  One victory at a time.  A new movement, with a new voice.  A new Hip Hop generation that refuses to go unheard or to let someone else shape our development.  A new foundation  to build upon.  Forged by fixing the problems of the hear and now, not of the past.

But all this means nothing without you.  Whether I’m elected or not, I will continue to fight.  I don’t want your vote because I think I know what ‘s best.  I’m depending on you to tell me what your community needs.  And I just your words aren’t enough.  I need your action, passion and motivation.  There are some people in some high places that don’t want you to think for yourself.  They have more education than you.  They have years on capital hill to prove they know better than you.

But what they can’t give you is results.  They promise them but where are they.  You are the only one that can get results. And you need someone that tells everyone else, back off and watch this new generation in action.  You don’t need another politician that wins your vote with promises.  I’ll be a servant to you.  If you say that policy isn’t working.  I’ll cut it, even if I fought for it in the first place.

Who knows how many projects and programs will fail before we get it right.  Like I said, I don’t have a book of magic to make the problems disappear.  But together we have a chance to try.  To take each little victory and build upon it.  When we find a crack, we won’t ignore it or let it fester until it drags us all down. We’ll fix it, learning from each lesson along the way.

And you will be the Author in this new chapter in History.  Names that aren’t known yet, will fill the history books with little stories that lead to massive change.  And all the haters that tell you it won’t happen, will remain nameless.  History seldoms records the neigh sayers.  It always records the accounts of the one’s willing to fight.

So will you fight with me?  Will you stand up and say enough with the promises?  Will you say my votes’ new cost is character not entitlements?  Fight with me for your future, the future of those in your community, and for your community as a whole.  Let’s get that first victory, so we can start to build a foundation that can not be broken.  Let’s show the Hero’s of the past, our time is now.  And we will fight just as they did.  And will win just as they did.

God bless you, your family and the United States of America.

Does Your Vote Have A Price?

October 14th, 2008 | By

Does the 15th amendment come with a price tags attached?   I’m starting to wonder.  This isn’t a Democrat or Republican issue.  This is an American Issue.  We are all given the right to vote, if we don’t take advantage of that right, should we be paid to do so?

I’ve started to talk to my friends more about politics in the last few weeks.  I usually leave the subject alone because they don’t really pay attention to the news.  When I throw the facts at them, they tell me I’m getting my information from the wrong places.  So I ask, where do you get your information?  They say, Ted from my job said.  And I stop them right there.

I got into this heated debate with my “life coach”, the person I talk to about personal stuff, and she said it’s about time the Government paid her for a change.  Now I know she is in the 40% of Americans that don’t pay any Federal Income Tax.  When I bought that up to her, she said I shouldn’t have to pay any taxes.

I could tell you the rest but I bet you can guess where this headed.  So now I asking, How much does your vote cost?

Most people think I’m talking about money.  That’s only half the equation.  Are you putting a price tag on your skin color?  There are black people that are voting for Obama just because he’s black and there are white people that are voting for McCain just because Obama is black.  And neither is right.  They are both putting a value on a non issue.

But that’s not the real issue at hand.  The major issue should be, If you have the right to vote, why do groups like Acorn even need to exist.  My “life coach” says, Most black people don’t think their vote counts and therefore they won’t vote.  What was the purpose of the 15th amendment?  What was the purpose of all the civil rights marches in the deep south?

People died so that black votes would count.  Not just black people, white people too.  Your vote counts.  And if you don’t believe that, Acorn has a cigarette and a dollar to prove it does.  Is that what your right is worth?

If it is, you shouldn’t be able to vote.  That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it.  I can respect you voting because you think a candidate will lower your taxes but if you don’t pay taxes I don’t understand how you could use that as a reason to vote for any candidate.  Let me explain.

When Barack Obama says he’ll cut taxes on 95% of Americans, it’s a lie.  I’m sorry if that hurts your feelings but it’s the truth.  40% of Americans don’t pay taxes, so how will they receive tax cuts.  He changes the words so he doesn’t have to say I’m creating a welfare state.  Where I’ll take money from the Rich that pay taxes and send a check to those who don’t.

My husband to be wanted to vote for Obama.  And I have had a hard time trying to explain why that wouldn’t be a good thing.  Luckily Obama did it for me.  At a campaign stop, Obama was asked by a small business owner if he was going to have to pay more taxes.  Obama responded by saying he is trying to spread around the wealth.

Finally my man got mad.  He works 6 days a week and the thought of free checks for those who refuse to work made him mad.  He finally got it, with no assistance from me.   Obama will create a government where the top pays for the bottom.  It sounds good, unless you plan on getting to the top in this life time.

Now McCain isn’t free from criticism on this issue either.  He had the perfect opportunity to put his money, I mean the American People’s money, where his mouth is and he didn’t.  McCain should have voted against the Bailout but he didn’t.  He too attached a price tag to your vote.  He doesn’t plan on making a welfare state, but he still let the government, wall street, and the American People who signed on the dotted line off the hook for this crisis we are currently in.

Are these two candidates really the best America has to offer?  Or do we as Americans like the Quid Pro Qou of politics?  If you vote for me, I’ll give you this.  Should we change our standards and make the candidates run on policy not on profit for ourselves.   Should we limit emotion and vote more practical.

If you don’t believe in Abortions, then why would you vote for Obama.  Is it because you think you’ll no longer have to pay for healthcare?  If you don’t believe in War, then why would you vote for McCain?  Is it because you make over $250,000 and believe Obama tax increases would cause you to lose your home.    That’s what our politics have come down too.  What’s best for me, not what’s best for the country.

And if that’s the truth, then you can’t blame the politicians for not listening when we speak out.  Well you can blame them but it’s not fair.  They are only doing what you respond too.  If you said we don’t want any new spending and any candidate that offers more government spending will feel the wrath of American voters, how would that change the landscape of Politics?

What could a Politican promise if the American people wanted facts instead of fairy tales.  If you believe any candidate that says I’ll fix all the problems in America, then you are a fool.  Problems will continue to exist no matter who is President.  We can’t control actions other nations.  Hell we can’t control actions of the American People.  And being that we all are human, mistakes will me made.

So instead of asking who will give you more, ask who will make an effort to not create more problems. If you are pissed off that the government is now into banking, imagine what will happen if they get their hands on Healthcare, College Tuition, or any thing else in the private sector.  Does government intervention help anything?

Pay attention when they put the price tags on your rights.  When they figure out they can pay for your vote, then they don’t have to run on policy.  They can run on your emotion.  They can use fancy words or straight talk without mentioning how they actually plan on running this country.  And this is up to us as the American People to stop.  But it’ll only happen when we put our Country’s needs before those of our individual needs.

The truth is, betting on America as a country, is way better than voting for any single politician.  Then your vote will be priceless.

Waiting For Perfection To Pray

October 13th, 2008 | By

In my first post this morning, I prayed.  I prayed for God to continue to guide me.  And what do you know, I get a call questioning whether it’s hypocritical to pray when you are a sinner.  God works in mysterious ways.

First, he let’s you know he’s listening.  He let’s you know your prays are heard and for that I am eternally thankful.   Then, he sends you a message to let you know you are on the right path.  When strife or uncertainty come it’s wonderful to know you have someone on your side.

Now let me tell you what’s on my heart right now.  If you wait for perfection to pray, you will be waiting forever.  We are human and we sin.  No one is without it and no one is above it.  The difference comes in the acknowledgment.  Can you admit you are not perfect?

Criticism is often hurled my way that I think I’m better or above those around me.  I’ve never made such an assumption of myself.  I know I have short falls and I’m the first to admit to those.  But I also know that I am a work in progress, that might never be fully completed, but I continue on.  Because I’ve been without God’s guidance and I know what that gets you.

So instead of focusing on me.  Focus on you.  When you feel the world begin to crumble around you, take it to God and leave it there.  He will answer.  Don’t expect your problems to disappear, it doesn’t work that way.  But you can expect peace.  That feeling that comes and eases your breathing, relaxes tense muscles, and destroys the once present knots in your stomach.  I’m a witness.  God is Good, All The Time.

So when the turmoil starts.  You should start to pray.  Don’t worry if you are a sinner.  God knows you.  He knows your heart and if you come to him with sencerity, then he would know that too.  And no matter how bad you think you are, God has seen worse.  And he will not hold against you things in your past.  In fact it’s just the opposite.  He will wash your past away.  And will love you like a new born child.

Just give him the chance.  Close your eyes and open your heart to him.  He will fill the spaces that are currently occupied with doubt and darkness.  He will mend old wounds and give new purpose, if you let him.  So today, tonight, and tommorrow I will pray for you.  And I know God answers prayers.  So when you feel that tap on you heart, answer.  I’m sending my love with it and I hope you will accept.

This site isn’t supposed to be super religious.  But I can’t deny God’s presence.  When he tells me to write in his name, I will.  When he tells me that my place is lighting darkness, I charge my batteries.  When he blesses me, I have to give a blessing back.  So if you came here today because you heard I was a spitfire, maybe you’re meant to be one too.  Maybe my journey isn’t meant to be alone.  Maybe I’m supposed to light your life and bring you with me.  I’ll say it one more time.   God Is Good.

A Prayer For My Daughter

October 13th, 2008 | By

The last few days have been tough for me.  In one week and two days my daughter will undergo eye surgery.  So I’ve been looking at her and feeling the knots in my stomach tighten everyday.

I’ve felt some of the passion I use in my writing melt away.  Instead I’ve been focusing on lucky I am to be blessed with such a beautiful, thoughtful, and intellegent child.  So please bear with me until the dust settles.

<a href=”http://whydidyousaythatgirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/hpim0741.jpg”><img title=”hpim0741″ src=”http://whydidyousaythatgirl.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/hpim0741-300×223.jpg” alt=”” width=”300″ height=”223″ /></a>

A Prayer For My Daughter

Dear Lord,

You are indeed great.  When the doctor’s said I could never concieve, you had different plans.  When my friends said I would never find a man that could handle my attitude, you made one just for me.  When I thought I wouldn’t have the patience to handle a baby, you gave me strength.  God is Good.

When I first had my daughter I was scared out of my mind.  I thought I would kill her because I didn’t have the experince of handling an infant.  I lost my mother the day I found out I was pregnant so my support system was low.  But I had you, Lord.  I felt your hand calm my soul.  I let my voice sing your praises and you answered.  Giving me patience, compassion, but more than that, you gave me faith everything would be O.K.

I come to you now asking for that faith one more time.  God, please put your hands on me and calm my soul.  Put your hands on my daughter and watch over her in the coming days.

I’ve spent years worrying how I would raise her.  Would I give her the self confidence installed in me by my mother?  Would she love and trust in you like I do?  Would her struggles by lessened by the struggles I’ve endured?

But you have taught me, I’m not my mother.  I can give my daughter self confidence without installing fear.  I can teach her to love the Lord by showing her how much I do.  But most of all, I will not try to lessen all her struggles because that’s what will give her strength.  And with you by our side, I know that every thing will be all right.

Dear God

During my time of uncertainty I also ask to you to keep my voice fresh.  When I sit to write, I don’t think of what will come out.  I let the words you put in my heart come through my fingers and onto a page.  And I thank you for that ability.  Lord I just ask that you keep me doing your will.  I know I can not fail with you by my side.

While I’m here praying for myself, dear Lord, I also ask that you keep your hands on our troops in harm’s way.  Let them know that you are watching and give them strength continue on.  A selfish prayer would be to ask for them to come home without first completing what you have sent them to do.   So instead, I ask that you take my prayers to them and let every heart know that they are being prayed for.  Let every woman and man know they are respected and appreciated because without them there would be no me.

And Lord, keep your hands on our country.  Watch over our President, both candidates for the presidency, every politician, every member of the upper, middle and lower class.  Give us all ability to see that this is nothing more than your will.  And you would never take us where you couldn’t watch over us.  Give us calm to know you guide us, so we can’t go wrong.

All these things I ask in your name.  Amen.

Will Republicans Wimp out on Race?

October 12th, 2008 | By

I usually don’t post something someone else has written, but this will be an exception.

Will Republicans ever fight back when it comes to charges of racism or racial insensitivity? Democrats—and many of their allies in the mainstream media– are masters at putting Republicans on the defensive on race—even when significant numbers of their own in Kentucky, West Virginia and Pennsylvania said that race was a factor in supporting Clinton over Obama .

Regardless of their racial “glass houses,” when the political battles begin in earnest, you can be certain that many liberal Democrats and Obama supporters will throw the usual “racism stones” and make race baiting a key tool of the fall campaign. It has already begun. When Democratic Chairman Howard Dean recently said that Republicans use race baiting, hate and divisiveness, there was nary a peep from the National Republican Leadership or its surrogates. The same when he said that that the Republican National Committee could get a large number of people of color in a single room only if the “hotel staff” were present.

The Obama candidacy is cheapened when his supporters in the liberal media, including some black journalists, and their allies, are quick to label any criticisms or lack of support as racism. If working class white Democrats in Tampa Bay, Jacksonville, along the I-4 corridor and in the Panhandle do not identify with Obama’s elitist comments on guns, or religion or his liberal views on domestic and foreign policy they must be unenlightened “rednecks” or “hillbillies.” If black or Hispanic, they must be “sellouts” for not supporting a “person of color.” Indeed, it cheapens Obama’s success for his supporters to claim any criticism is race based.

When the racial shoe is on the other political foot, however, white liberals and the media do not sing the same “they must be racists” tune.

Just two years ago, Kenneth Blackwell, former secretary of state of Ohio and Republican nominee for governor, was the first black person to be a candidate for governor of a major party in the state. Lynn Swann was the Republican nominee for governor of Pennsylvania and Michael Steele, the former lieutenant governor in the state of Maryland and the first African-American to serve in statewide office, was candidate for the U.S. Senate.

Steele especially was the object of vicious racist attacks by black and white liberal Democrats. All three of these outstanding black candidates lost. Were the whites who voted against them racist and the blacks and Hispanics who supported their white opponents traitors? Where was the call for racial loyalty by blacks and the so-called enlightened liberal progressivism of the elite liberals in these elections? I do not recall hearing cries of racism from black or white Democrats—or Republicans. Were these men rejected because of race, philosophy or political affiliation? Liberals, black and white, would say it was—surprise–political philosophy.

If white and black liberals can have the luxury of rejecting black Republican candidates because of political affiliation and philosophy, why can’t black, white, and Hispanic Republicans or Independents oppose a black Democrat—Obama—because of his positions on domestic and foreign policy matters?

When it comes to race baiting, given their party’s history, Democrats should be the last group to criticize anyone on race and Republicans should not wimp out and be silent when they do. Republican leaders, black and white, should remind liberals and the media that it was the Democratic Party that gave us slavery, Jim Crow, segregation, opposition to anti-lynching laws and George Wallace-Lester Maddox stand-in-the-doorway obstruction to civil rights.

Let it not be forgotten that it was the Democratic Party—including Obama and Clinton who agreed with the process—that disenfranchised nearly two million Floridians until that process was reversed recently by the party’s Rules Committee. Prior to that action, the silence and lack of protest from state and national civil rights and liberties establishments, as well as black and liberal leaders, was deafening. Remember how they shouted “every vote counts” and descended on Florida attempting to blame Republicans for allegedly “disenfranchising” Florida voters in 2000? The hypocritical message on disenfranchising voters: “If Democrats do it, no problem; if Republicans, then we protest.”

Finally, Democrats should be reminded how they and their allies have turned race baiting and racial divisiveness into an art form as we saw in a Missouri Democratic Party ad implying that electing Republicans would bring about cross burnings and the 2000 NAACP ad accusing then Gov. George W. Bush of being complicit in the dragging death of James Byrd, even though Bush supported the death penalty for the perpetrators.

There is perhaps no better way for state Republican Parties and the McCain campaign to respond to such attacks than to take a cue from the Republican Party of Florida and work to develop their own corps of black, Hispanic and women surrogates who will fight back. These surrogates would let Democrats and their friends in the media know that race baiting will not be met with silence and the usual Republican “turn the other cheek” philosophy. This would forcefully remind the media and the electorate that the issues in this campaign are not about race, gender or ethnicity, but rather who has the integrity, experience and judgment to be Commander in Chief; who best understands the threats to our freedoms from those who want to destroy us; and who will demand accountability in K-12 education so that black and Hispanic children can compete in the 21st century world.

Such surrogates would remind working class and blue collar independents of all races that Obama and the Democrats will raise taxes, convert our health care system into a post office- like “take a number and stand in line” government monopoly, and will turn the other cheek to terrorists.

They would remind Americans and the world that it is the United States, at the direction of President George W. Bush, which has given billions to fight HIV/AIDS and disease in Africa; worked to end genocide in Darfur; sends millions in food aid and relief to disaster stricken areas of the world and supports free trade in our hemisphere to aid our neighbors and benefit our and their economies—all of which are ignored and discounted by the Obama machine. Democrats and their media allies usually ignore the good that American does in the world.

Clarence V. McKee is communications chair of the Broward County Republican Party and a member of the African-American Advisory Council of the Republican Party of Florida.