Help Wanted: Equal Opportunity Positions Available
August 12th, 2008 | By Sonnie
Wanted: Young men to participate in Caged Experiment (2,000,000 Applications)
Salary: Negotiable; depending on time served
Requirement: Very low self esteem, innate ability to make wrong choice at every turn, strong desire to pass blame Elsewhere and the inability to function properly in society.
Benefits: Free Access to Health Care, Three Meals Everyday, Access to a Gym and Cable Television, and a chance to join the Felon Brotherhood.
This Nice Man will show you where to Apply
Wanted: Young women to participate in Breeding Experiment(750,00 Applicants)
Salary: To be paid in 18 years
Requirements: A Vagina
Benefits: Access to Free Health Care, Access to Public Assistance, and aren’t babies so cute
Do Not Apply If You Use These
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Wanted: Person of Color to Run For Office (Applicants vary by District)
Salary: Limitless; Depending on Character
Requirements: Easy on the Eyes, Clean Cut Appearance, Articulate Inspirational Speaker, and Very Energetic.
Please make sure your Drug Using Days Are Over prior to Applying
Benefits: Access to a Platinum Race Card, Celebrity, Inside Access to Hide Your Shady Dealings
Wanted: Street Pharmaceutical Reps (Number of True Applicants Can’t Be Verified)
Salary: Limitless; Depending on Lack Of Character
Requirements: Math Skills, Ability to Negotiate, Acceptance of Incarceration, Indifference to Death, Ability to Work Long Shifts and Be Discrete
We no longer give race cards, due to their ineffectiveness in Court.
Benefits: You get it All NOW! The Car, The Girls, The Dough, and You Never Have To Grow Old. You could even win some new Bling and a Promotion
Wanted: Students to Participate in Educational Experiment (300,000 applicants every year)
Salary: N/A
Requirements: No effort put into learning, Total Disrespect For Teachers, Disregard for School Property, and eventually Dropping Out
Benefits: This is An Entry Level Position. Applicants could be promoted to any of the above positions.
1-800-Rac-Card
When You Need Proof You’re Black
Apply For Reparations Here Blast the War Here
Click Here To See Newest Race Card Applicant
Wanted: Young People to Apply For Scholarships (Applicants decline yearly)
Salary: Limitless; Depending on Desire
Requirement: A Set Goal, Strong Work Ethic, A Lack of Excuses, Ability to Prioritize, Ability to Make Sacrifice, and a Desire to Seek Out Help
Benefits: There are NO GUARANTEES, but it is a Great Place to start
These Opportunities Are Sponsored By the Democratic Party
You Know You Can’t Do It Without Us, So Why Try?
Posted in Community, Stuck In Place
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