Browsing: Method 2 Madness

Black History Month Without White People: Part One

February 4th, 2010 | By


White people, don’t be mad. This isn’t about you. This is about the Black communities constant need to equate Black History Month with “What White People Did to Black People History Month”. I have but one request. Don’t learn about what happened to Black people, learn what Black people did against all odds. We need a little change in perspective.

 This is coming from one angry Black woman who only now is learning what the schools refuse to teach. We learned about slaves, sharecropping, and Civil Rights, but there was never a true conversation about the Black Faces and who they were as People. The power of Black History is not in the pain of slavery, the injustice of Jim Crow, or the segregation of the ’60’s. The true motivating force behind Black History are the INDIVIDUALS who wielded extraordinary strength againt overwhelming odds.

Normally, a myriad of names would enter the spotlight but what’s the point?   We will hear they invented this, said that, or became the first to…..whatever.  We will learn they were spit on, hung from trees, and separated from their families.  Then February will fade and so will all those Great People until next year.  As a people, we should be ashamed.

We glimpse over a Rich American Black History and claim Africa as our homeland.  Why?  Africa didn’t want us, that’s how we got on slave ships.  Our ancestors’ African enemies won, rounded us up, and sold us off to build up their territory.  We were casualties of War or God had a plan for us.  He knew that this GREAT NATION lay on the horizon and would be incomplete without his beautiful Black Children.

Should we forget where we came from?  NO.  But we can’t forget African Kings like Gezo of the Dahomey who said “The slave trade is the ruling principle of my people.  It is the source and the glory of their wealth……the mother lulls the child to sleep with notes of triumph over an enemy reduced to slavery….”  Now, this may sound silly but I have a little more hatred for another black man that tries to break my spirit.  While we picture Kunta Kinte being broken in America, imagine how he felt when his own kind lead him to those ships and away from everything he had ever known.  Turned from a man into property long before he reached America.

And this is where the BS starts.  The constant chatter and talk about my personal attachment to master or my inability to couple reality with history.  It’s my inability to uncouple reality with history that makes me write articles like this.  I can’t look past people like Anthony Johnson, one of the first slaves to reach America.  He worked, got his freedom, made some money, and bought himself an indentured servant, John Casor.  When Casors time was up, he demanded his freedom.  Johnson said “NO” and went to the courts to maintain possession of his property.  He won and Casor became his slave until death do them part.

A black man, who was once a slave himself, knew the potential of America and took advantage.  Was it right?  Of course not.  But it happened.  Since the very inception of slavery in America, black men have been slave owners. Even when their brothers and sisters were in chains, they were looking out for their own self interest.   That’s important imformation to have in this day and age of blacks leaders like Rev. Al Sharpton and Rev. Jesse Jackson. 

Don’t you even say it.  No, we are not going to talk about white slave owners, it’s Black History Month.  I want to talk about the strength of a WOMAN.  Imagine having no rights due to the color of your skin and top it off with having no respect due to your gender.  Imagine not only risking your life on the Underground Railroad but also trying to protect yourself in a male dominated society.   Image you’re Harriet Tubman trying to convince a slave God has ordained their freedom and all they have to do is trust a BLACK WOMAN.

While we revel in the wonder and strength that is Harriet Tubman, she would be nothing if there weren’t people willing to follow her.  They had jobs, shelter, food, and a structured existence but they RAN away from it all.  They left everything and everyone they had ever known because GOD had sent them an Angel and Guide away from the conformity of slavery.  No longer was everything given to them, now they had to work for it because “not even God will do for man what man can do for himself.”  Nannie Burroughs

Another great lesson to learn in this day and age.  Slavery is about conformity and acceptance.  You conform to your surroundings and you accept what ever is handed to you.  While we fester in Ghettos and public housing accepting welfare and food stamps, there is a modern day Harriet Tubman.  She is a mother that walks her child to school everyday in Chicago because she believes God has ordained him to be more than a street thug.  Now imagine her son looking at the holes in her shoes or naps in her hair, wondering if he should have faith in this BLACK WOMAN.

And this is just part one.  Both good and bad aspects of Black History told without white people.  A focus on how the Matriarchs and Patriarchs of our history treated each other, in addition to their contributions to America.  A glaring mirror into what is loss when we value the actions of others and forget the inaction of our own.  A plea to remember not just inventions, but faith in God, character, determination, and strength.

First, I’d Like To Say Thank-You

April 27th, 2009 | By

I’m back!!!!!!!!!

In case you haven’t heard, I got a new radio show. Yeah!!

That is the reason I’ve been lacking on my blog writing. I’m trying to stay positive for the show and as you know most of my blogs tend to be more critical. So, I’ve been keeping clean and pure thoughts the last couple weeks.

Last week, I met the first person to recognize me from my blog. Super excited, I immediately began to blush. I’m a simple girl, I like simple things and to be recognized really touched me.

But I speak to soon. He did not heap praises upon me, nor did he ask for my autograph. Instead, he questioned why I’m giving up now.

This hit me like a ton of bricks because I don’t see myself as giving up. I think I’m just elevating the fight. But he did not see it that way.

“You write limited stories on Obama and the destruction he is causing our Country. And what makes it twice as bad, you do it in a nice way. What happened to make you go soft?”

After I picked my lip off the floor, I said “Thank you”.

Not for reading my blog. Not for recognizing my face. I said thank you for caring about the country you live in. Thank you for giving me another black face that is tired of the status quo. Thank you for being one concerned citizen with the power to affect change, I mean real change.

More upset than before he yells, “There you go again. Where is that ghetto girl that snaps and thinks about it later?”

I couldn’t answer. I know I’m not the same as I was a year ago but am I really that different now?

So, to the chocolate covered gum drop that caused me, ME, of all people to go silent I say, Kudos. When I first started writing this blog, I didn’t care what anybody thought of what I wrote. Now, I considering what will be said and how to combat those who would disagree. I’m missing that snap now and think about it later.

But that’s not a bad thing. It shows a growth process. I love to argue but I want actual change more than I want a personal rush for myself. So, right now I may have to play along. Right now, I may have to mind my manners and guard my talk. But right now is not forever.

So Yes, my first response may be grateful and humble, that doesn’t mean I’ve lost my sting. It just means, I’m learning to play the game. You can’t change the rules if you haven’t first mastered the originals.

The lessons of my ghetto still hold strong. I know better than to walk in a room and lay all my cards on the table. I always keep a spade hidden.

So don’t fret, the fight continues. The only difference, you’ll have a better educated General leading the attack. Isn’t that worth the wait?

What Made Me Conservative?

March 1st, 2009 | By

For Lent, I decided to stop judging myself so harshly. Ask how’s that going for me. Not good, not good at all but I’ll push forward. To make up for my inability to give myself a break, I’ve also massively turned down my XBox Live time. I’m sad about this, just give me a minute.

While I was flipping through the channels yesterday, I passed by Fox and Rush Limbaugh address to CPAC was on. In Rush’s first address to a national audience, I found so many reason’s to cheer. I got a different take for you, as I often do.

I questioned yesterday, when did I become “conservative”? I came to one undeniable truth, I’ve been conservative since the first time my mother gave me an allowance. We were on welfare, I’m talking public housing and food stamps. You know what I’m talking about, the peanut butter with just a picture of a peanut on the front, yeah.

Anyways, every summer when it was time for the ice cream truck to roll around, my mother would give us an allowance. We got $2 a week. Back then, the lady on the corner sold frozen Kool-aid for .25 cent and ice cream cost .50 cent off the truck. With $2 you were ballin.

When I got to the age when I was paying attention, something seperated us from the other little kids in the neighborhood. They went to the ice cream truck with food stamps. My mother refused to let us spend foodstamps on anything. If she didn’t have cash to give us, then she would go to the store and buy us ice cream with the food stamps. If I haven’t said this enough, I miss my Mom.

She was so old school. One summer, we were in the store and I saw this set of books I wanted. Yes, I was such a nerd. I knew better than to ask my mother for them, she didn’t play that. I started to save my $2 a week. I did it quitely. I snuck in the house when the ice cream truck rolled around so no one would pick on me for being the only person without a treat.

One day, I went to count my money and it was missing. I lost my mind crying, another thing my mother didn’t tolerate. She would make you completely stop crying before you told her what was wrong. I told her about my money and she was happy.

Not that it was stolen but that I took initaitive to save. She quickly found out my brother had taken my money and spent every single dime. He got a beating but I still lost all the money I had saved.

I was mad as hell. I had saved and he got to spend, why didn’t I get my money back? My mother told me, shit happens and you have to find a way to get past it. I was pissed. I called my dad and told him what happened. He came huffing and puffing and took me to the store to buy those books.

What’s my point?

All I cared about as a kid was, what was fair? It didn’t matter that my mother was trying to teach me a lesson, it wasn’t fair and I wanted no part in it. My dad riding in on his white horse proved that life was fair.

Until I got older and realized, waiting for someone to ride up on their white horse is frivolous endeavor. Not because it won’t happen, but because you lose the experience letting someone else save you.

My mom was trying to teach me how to get up when I fell down. My dad didn’t teach me anything, except if you cry I’ll bend. Which lesson do you think is more effective now that I’m grown?

One more little story before I tie them all together. My mother had friends of every color. Race never bothered her. For those of you who don’t know, I was adopted, so I didn’t look like the other members of my family. I was lighter and skinnier and stuck out like a sore thumb.

I was often ridiculed. My sister and brother would call be ‘yellow’, ‘red’, and ‘orange’. I hated it. My mother would always pull me aside and ask if I thought I was beautiful. I was an awkward kid. I didn’t think anything about me was beautiful, but my mom made me constantly ask myself what I saw when I looked in the mirror.

Being the typical kid, I just wanted her to make them stop. She would, but not before she made me realize nothing they said changed who I really was. I was high yellow and skinny and that’s how God made me. The rest was irrelevant.

These are the lessons that make me conservative. I thought about all this yesterday as I watched Limbaugh speak. My mother never wanted us to go on welfare, she didn’t even want us to use foodstamps. My mother believed you will get knocked down, it’s only important that you get up. But most importantly, she taught me only you can make yourself a victim.

My mother made me conservative.

You think that’s all, don’t you? Not by a long shot. I moved with my dad when I was 11 or 12 and everything changed. No one checked my homework, made sure I went to school, or gave me a time to come in the house. I did whatever I wanted. All I had to do was keep my grades up.

So, what did I do with no one pushing me forward, I stood still. I made all the wrong choices and with each mistake, my father was there to bail me out. No questions asked, no long drawn out speeches about what I did wrong; just complaints about how he had to miss time at work to deal with me.

Now, my boys, they kept me quite conservative as well. I was trying to think of a single situation where Obama’s plan of government would fly on street level, and it does. Except by fly, I mean bullets wheezing through the air looking for a target. Imagine telling the top drug man on your block, he has to re-distribute his wealth.

Think about it. Imagine another crime family telling Scarface, you make to much money, you have to give us some. The street level dealer can’t make it without you. What would happen to the street level dealer? (I’m going to make up a story like that soon, I got some other points to add.)

He wouldn’t get a dime and if by some chance Scarface would’ve given him the money, nobody would’ve liked Al Pacino anymore. He would be soft and un-gangsta. The only respectable way to get Scarface’s money would be to take him out.

If we applied the same principles to real life, instead of complaining for the top to give up some of what they have, we would go and take it from them. I’m not talking about killing rich people. I’m talking about creating the businesses and technologies to take their place at the top.

Instead we stand back and hate on what they have. When did we become haters? When did we start hating the players and not the game. What’s even worse, we invented it and still can’t live up to it.

I know I get off subject, but the truths are still there. No one member of your group is going to pay for everybody no matter how much money they have and they shouldn’t have to . And you know your boys, would they continue to hang out with you if they always had to pay your way? Would you keep floating someone you know doesn’t even try?

No, but you expect the Government to.

The streets made me conservative.

Most importantly, above my mother and every friend I’ve ever known, God had made me Conservative.

All things are possible through the Lord that strengthens me. Not through Barack Obama, the Democratic Party, and the United States Government. God said we should only worship one Savoir and to beware of false idols. They will come claiming to have all the answers, all you have to do is follow.

I choose to follow God. When everything in my heart tells me that something is wrong, I trust it. When I pray for guidance and these are the words I type, they are not from me alone. I won’t let my heart be troubled by those who criticise and judge me for always, and I do mean always, stepping out on faith.

Faith that God has his hands on us and this to shall pass, as long as we are willing to stand up and give him praise.

In these trying days, are we putting more faith in a Man, than in the Lord. If only Barack can save us, then where is God’s part in all this? I know the politically correct thing is to separate church and state, but I have a problem with people that can do that. I can’t cut off my belief in God for anything. I can question his word but never just place it on the back burner.

Is this the ultimate step in taking God out of our society? We are a nation that prays and worships. When did we start praying to Obama, Pelosi, and Reid instead of the God for help with our mortgage, children, and everything else? When did we establish false ideals it was O.K. to worship?

God made me conservative

I purposely didn’t point out the one time in my life when I was liberal. I mentioned it, but I didn’t bring notice to it. Can you pick it out?

Bingo. When I let my dad solve all my problems for me. It was the unhappiest time in my life. Want to know why? When I should have been planning for college, I didn’t have a care in the world. When I should’ve been building a network of close friends, all my friends were being arrested or killed. When I should have been dreaming about a bright future, I was failing to prepare for any future at all.

Why? My dad was there to ride up on his white horse when ever I needed him. I don’t have to worry about college, my day will take care of it. He always has. It took me 7 years to go back to school and it wasn’t because my dad made it happen.

It came when I lost my mom and realized all the lessons she had taught me made strong enough to make it. It doesn’t matter if Bush or Obama is in office. I’ll be O.k because I’m not afraid to fail. Even though I hate failure with the passion of a thousand burning moons, I know I can get back up. I’ve done it a hundred times.

I guess I could say, Life has made me Conservative

To Blend In or To Stand Out: Does My Choice Make Me?

February 9th, 2009 | By

The same old fight. It’s like I’m the light-skinned well bred negro surrounded by all the thugs and hustlers and I have to prove I’m some how worthy. I’m not going to do it. Instead, I’ll bring the fight to you. That’s what I’m good at.

The more I write on the blog, the more I learn. A lot of people won’t leave a comment but will fill my e-mail with some silly mess. Which perplexes me because you can comment anonymously. So, I’m beginning to think I’m changing some minds or at least planting seeds of doubt about the Democratic Party. If you don’t want to be anonymous on my blog then why send your personal e-mail address to me via message.

You want me to reply to you. O.K. I got you. Just tell a sister you might not agree right now, but you’re willing to listen if I can just convince you. And I shall oblige.

Classic High School Story. The kid who wants to do his own thing is bullied by the kids who want him to know his role. I’ve said this a million times. I know my role. You have no jurisdiction telling me what makes me who I am. Period. That’s all, point blank.

My role is to stand out. Not because I choose to, but because that’s what it is. I believe what I believe and for that I catch flack. I got tough skin, I’ll be O.K.

But there comes a time when the same old arguments need to be laid to rest. This is something that’s been eating on my conscience for a while.

1. I’m damned if I do, Damned if I don’t

In trying to find my own voice, I’ve had to do a mental check on who I am. See, I don’t need your assistance dissecting my own cerebral, I do it voluntarily. You should try it. (I’m sorry, I’m in one of my moods.)

I realized, I didn’t fully appreciate how much I learned from being poor and black in America. I lived in a house with no bathroom or running water; being broke could never break my spirit. As long as I got Tupac, Jay-z, Mary J., Rick James, Earth, Wind and Fire; should I continue? It’s O.K. Sprinkle in a couple people that love me and a bank account the reads zero doesn’t matter. My mom made it and I will too.

But that’s not enough. I also want to be educated. Not by the ignorant masses that follow self-interest serving black faces, but by the actions of those who were given nothing and achieved something.

So, I follow Nannie Helen Burroughs 12 rules but speak like an uneducated hip hopper. What color does that make me? I get hit with this from both sides. The older people in my life agree with principles of which I speak. They just wish I would change the phrasing of certain things, you know make it sound more educated. Then my peers hit me with, your a self hater because you think we need to fit in.

I’m laughing at both. Does it matter how I say it, if I’m passionate about it in my heart? Does it even matter to you that Nannie Burroughs was black? Or did I just choose to be a thorn in both their sides because I don’t fit in?

I think the latter. I don’t care if you think I’m ghetto. Dispute me on the facts. The natural me will come out and she isn’t proper and petite and she doesn’t like being handled or put in her place. When, not if, my southern drawl and sometimes improper language comes shining through, that’s me. So complain from both sides, I love being the center of attention.

2. Who Allows You To Fit In

In the full swing of another Awards Season, I thought I would point this out. Am I the only one who doesn’t watch the Movie Awards because they never nominate black movies I think were excellent? I know I’m not the only one.

So, let’s think about this. We all know Hollywood is run by the Left, the Democrats. They are the party of black people right? Why are we still complaining about no black movies getting attention. I mean in the natural progression of things, shouldn’t we have started to garner more awards and accolades?

Gay marriage is the current topic of discussion and so goes their focus. Does this negate great black stories from having a role? Or did they give us one for Hallie and one for Denzel and think we should be satisfied for now?

And this is where you want to fit in? I would think most blacks would be insulted by some of the job creation in the stimulus bill. These jobs were available during the housing boom, they are mostly in construction. They weren’t filled by low income Americans, they were filled by illegal immigrants. Now that the jobs have dried up, the illegals have started returning to Mexico.

What happens when you can’t build another school or fix another road? You are going to go home unemployed just like the illegal immigrants. Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it. It’s not ancient history, it’s currently happening.

And this is what you want me to fit into? It’s not encouraging people to start a business, it’s encouraging people to be laborers. I know this had to come from a movie. The white guy ruins the plans of the black character and then offers him a job cleaning out the stables. That what this is. Except the white guy is the Government.

No thank you! If I have to render myself incompetent and needing of government assistance to fit in, you can start sticking post-it notes with “kick me” on my back. I’m looking forward to the first person that tries.

Now, I have no compassion for the situations of millions of Americans. You are wrong. I know millions of Americans are struggling. But millions of Americans have been struggling. Why start choosing which places are in most desperate need of Assistance? Why not start with the communities that have needed the assistance the longest?

I’ll tell you. They already have most of those communities addicted to assistance. Now they are trying to branch out. Why put money into an area where your vote is assured? Instead, money will go to areas that are currently weak and ripe for government take over. All they need; you to fit in and let them take over.

3. Black People can’t be racist

Racism– The belief the race accounts for differences in human character or ability and that a particular race is superior to another

I was told that black people can’t be racist because white people have more power. Then today, I get hit with the same comment, this time with Barack Obama in the White House. I should stop there but I won’t.

What is the argument against blacks ability to be racist? We are in fact inferior and racial feelings are justified by our inadequacies? We lack the human character and ability to think we are better than another race? I can’t even believe I had to write that.

Does the comfort of having an excuse make you over look the obvious insult you condemn us to? While complaining of stereo-typing, you clutch on to it for dear life.

Black people are not immune to racism. To say we are, puts us in the inferior position. We are somehow lacking the fortitude to think we are better. I could be a racist, I choose not to be.

I feel cheap having to say that.

4. I Love My Master

Not all slaves hated their masters. Some were willing to die to protect them. Not out of fear, but out of gratitude. Other slaves were beat and their families were split apart, but some masters were good. They gave their slaves nice living quarters, good food, and didn’t mingle in slave affairs. That’s all well and good, but they were still slaves.

They were told where to work, when to procreate, and were still subject to the master’s whim. I’m speaking in generalities here. I think you love your master more.

I don’t want to be subject to Master’s whims. He can give me a nice house, money for food, and a job building schools in a district in which I don’t live. As long as I fit in. As long as I agree that he knows what’s best for me. And since I can come and go as I please, everything is all good.

Since it’s Black History Month, let learn some history.

sharecropper- A tenant farmer who gives a share of crops raised to the landlord in lieu of rent

Was the age of sharecropping any better than slavery? Yes, blacks were able to come and go as they pleased, generally, but most did not own what they worked for. They did the labor and were forced to give a majority of what they made to someone else. Dare I say, like a tax.

And this money wasn’t redistributed back into the community. It lined the pockets of greedy and corrupt men. Does this sound familiar? It should. It’s happening again today. To many individuals have money. Let’s gather it and put it in the hands of Master (the government) and we’ll handle it all.

All I have to say is, where is the money from the first T.A.R.P.? Buying private jets and expensive vacations for the same people that caused the problem? And this is your Master.

I pass. I’ll be the master of my own destiny. You sharecrop away.


I did it again. I fell into the trap of answering my critics. I’ll give myself a pass this time. It was fun.

A Three Pronged Approach to a New Life, Not Just a New Year

January 9th, 2009 | By

We are already 9 days into the New Year and I have yet to offer some sound advice on how to make it through 2009. My platform for this release failed to come to fruition, so my blog will have to do.

My words are not absolute. Just look at the top of my page and you’ll understand I’m fully aware that the learning curve never ends. Tomorrow might bring new advice that contradicts what’s said here and that’s a great thing. It means that growth is continuous.

So let’s jump in head first.


It’s God

If you know anything about my blog, you know I have a strong belief in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He is the first necessity in my approach.

  • Remember and understand the Lords Prayer

Everyone knows the Lord’s Prayer. If you don’t, let me refresh your memory.

Our Father, which art in heaven

Hallowed be thy name

Thy Kingdom Come, Thy will be done

On earth as it is in heaven

Give us this day, our daily bread

And forgive us our trespasses

As we forgive those that trespass against us

And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil

For thine is the kingdom, the Power and Glory

Forever and ever, Amen

There are two very important parts of this prayer that will help you make it through the New Year.

Thine Will Be Done

Change the way you pray. So many times, we ask for the specifics. Lord, help me get out of debt. Lord, help me lose this weight. These are called selfish prayers. God didn’t get you into debt. God didn’t make you gain all the weight. Nor is it God’s purpose to correct these issues for you.

So, instead pray for God’s will to be done. The Lord wants you to be happy, healthy and financially sound. But that won’t happen because your debt has been wiped clean. Especially if you continue with the same destructive habits. Pray for strength to make it through the next day and God will give you that strength and while you are allowing him to work things out in your life at his pace, you will have time to realize you play a role in making this thing happen. And his will brings peace.

Second Forgive our Trespasses, As we forgive those that Trespass against us

We all must learn to forgive

I’ve always believed the hardest person to forgive is ones self. But we have to get pass it. We allow ourselves to constantly remember all the mistakes we’ve made, while forgetting to congratulate ourselves for noticing we have faults. Because once we realize we are not perfect we can begin fixing our problems.

My main request in this New Year, as this applies, Don’t wait to fix your problems before going to the Lord. You have the scenario all backwards. Once you take your sin to him, he forgives. So take it to him and leave it there. Take your addiction, indifference, or constant failure and let him carry it while you continue to work on forgiving other people.

Don’t hold on so tightly to what you have done, that you forget life is still moving forward. You have time to make a change, as long as you take advantage of it.

So, now that you have God in your life, what’s next?


It’s You

Self responsibility is also a major piece to this giant puzzle called life. But today I’m talking about another aspect of you.

  • Make sure to take care of your star player

Who can you help if you don’t take care of yourself? This is a major issue I have to tackle. Learning to make sure I’m happy before trying to give that happiness to someone else.

The best way to explain this is the relationship between a parent and a child. You fix dinner for two, you and your child. Well, your child decides they want your portion of meat. And you being the mother, don’t want to deny your child sustenance, so you oblige.

You and your child both lose in this situation. You don’t get the protein you need. Your child doesn’t get the vitamins they need from eating their vegetables because they filled up on your meat. Now, they have the energy to fun around for hours and you don’t have the strength to keep up.

So, in 2009, make sure you are taking care of yourself. You can’t help your child if you don’t first help yourself. You can’t help anyone if you don’t first help yourself.

This also means find things to laugh at. In our politically correct world, humor is beginning to fade. First you have to take into consideration all the people you might offend by laughing. Then you have to consider what will be thought of you once you laugh. Bump that. Laugh hard and often. Especially at the haters.

When you feel like you can’t take another step, look around at those who wish they were stepping in your shoes. Realize no matter how bad you have it, someone else has it worse. This may provide a little comfort but don’t revel in it. Use it as motivation to continue to do you. Because if you are praying for the Lord’s will to be done, you’re not finished yet.

And one more quick thing, don’t be afraid to learn who you are. Figure out your moral and value system and stick to it. Find out what you are good at and become great at it. Figure out what’s lacking in your life and begin to fill the holes with productivity. Learn to love yourself, flaws and all.


It’s the People Around You

No one can make it in this world alone. It’s important that we build a strong support system to help us through.

  • Make sure you know the people around you

O.K. If you have negative people around you, negative shit will come to you. Everybody knows that. So let’s not talk about what we already know, let’s take it from a different perspective. How do you know which friends to keep and which ones’ to get rid of?

The basics, if you are an alcoholic, don’t hang around drinkers. If you are a drug addict, don’t hang around users. What about if you are a shopaholic? What about if you are a eataholic? Shouldn’t the same rules apply?

If you have a friend who answers a bad day by inviting you on a shopping trip, this could be just as toxic as injecting heroin. If you have a friend that answers a bad day by going to an all you can eat buffet, this could be just as toxic a four day drinking binge. And these friends should be treated as such.

We pacify people way to much in this day and age. We judge a homeless person with a bottle on the corner, but not the average business man that needs a drink after a long shift. Who really had the worse day and needs the drink more?

In the same instance, we forget to place adequate blame at the footsteps of those who help us develop bad habits. We blame Bush for our personal economy, instead of the friend who talked us into buying a dress we didn’t need with money we didn’t have. Or we blame McDonalds’ for the calorie count instead of the friend who had to stop to get a snack before going home to make dinner.

These people have a real effect on our lives and we should realize it before it’s to late. You are praying for the Lord’s will to be done and you are working on loving yourself, do you really have the time to let others habits affect you? Even those that seem trivial. Does it matter if you spent money on clothes or drugs, if in the end all the money is gone? Does it matter if your health is fading because you drank to much or you ate to much, if in the end your health is gone? I don’t think so.

Just one more thing to add to this. Once you make the choice of which friends to eliminate, make sure you get to know the friends you replace them with.

We are always told if you want success, surround yourself with successful people. I have no beef with this assessment but I do have words of forewarnment. I think I just made up a word. Don’t allow yourself to be judged by someone else’s ego.

Most people who figured these things out before us, tend to look down upon us. They have the opinion that they figured it out and now you have to catch up. This isn’t always true. The lessons they apply to their lives might not work well in yours.

This is especially true with the Alpha Males. Once you question them, they have the need to show the world they got it together and it usually comes at the expense of the new guy. They pat you on your head like a good dog, then set off to prove you can’t possible do it like them.

And once they go into defensive mode, you are left feeling like you failed. You didn’t. A new successful friend can be as insecure as an old unsuccessful friend. The whole point of surrounding yourself with these people is to figure out how to do the best you and not how to become the next them.

So, expect to lose friends when trying to come up. Some people will claim they want nothing but the best for you, until it comes to their opinion being questioned. Then it becomes, I’ll show you. Don’t fall into the trap. Smile and move on. If they are a true friend, they will realize they don’t walk on water. If they are not, better to find out sooner rather than later.

So there you go. My tips for making it through the New Year. God, You, and then the People Around You. Make sure you keep it in that order. And I wish you nothing but the best in the year to come. Whether you agree with me or not, all voices should be heard. So, I’ll keep talking and listening and who knows where the future might take us.

God Bless

24 Things A Sister Should Never Apologize For

September 5th, 2008 | By

My Sister sent Me This List. I don’t know where it came from, so if you wrote it, Thanx.

1. Never apologize for pursuing what makes you happy. Even if you need to quit your job, transfer schools, or move across country, always do what you really want.

2. Never apologize for using proper English. Keeping it real doesn’t mean you have to speak Ebonics.

3. Never apologize for giving your best in a relationship that just didn’t work out.

4. Never apologize for being successful. Only haters want to keep you at their level.

5. Never apologize for crying. Wear waterproof mascara and express yourself.

6. Never apologize for ten pounds you need to lose. People who truly care about you will accept you as you are.

7. Never apologize for being frugal. Just because you save your money instead of blowing it on the latest fashion emergency doesn’t mean you’re cheap.

8. Don’t apologize for being a single Mom. Babies are a blessing.

9. Never apologize for treating yourself to something special. Sometimes you have to show yourself some appreciation.

10. Never apologize for leaving an abusive relationship. Your safety should always be a priority.

11. Never apologize for keeping the ring even if you did not get married.

12. Never apologize for setting high standards in a relationship. You know what you can tolerate and what simply gets on your nerves.

13. Never apologize for saying NO.

14. Never apologize for wearing a weave or braids. You bought it so it’s yours.

15. Never apologize to your new friends about old friends. There’s a reason she’s been your girl from day one.

16. Never apologize for ordering dessert or more than one dessert.

17. Never apologize for dating outside your race. Just because you found Mr. Right across the color line doesn’t mean you don’t love your brothas.

18. Never apologize for demanding respect. You are to always be treated as a queen.

19. Never apologize for not knowing how to cook. Even if you can’t burn like Grandma you know how to order good take out. (Right Girl!)

20. Never apologize for your taste in clothes. It’s your style.

21. Never apologize for changing your mind, it is your prerogative.

22. Never apologize for making a decision from your heart, even if others don’t agree. You have to live with the consequences not them.

23. Never apologize for making more money than your man, you work hard and you deserve to get paid.

24. Never apologize for being you!

Some where meant to be funny and get a chuckle but there are a few to Pay Serious Attention To. Especially Number 24. Because that’s where it all starts. You apologize when your man gets mad; like he didn’t piss you off first. You feel bad because sometimes you need to get away from your Kids. Your doubts make you feel less Like A Queen; Yet you manage to Navigate through Life.

Never Apologize For Getting Mad; Just Don’t Try to Get Even

Never Apologize For Crying; Just Don’t Make it An Everyday Occurance

Never Apologize For Your Opinion; Just Educate Yourself Before You Share

And The One That Didn’t Make The List And Belongs There

Never Apologize For Loving The Lord, For Calling His Name, For Having Absolute Faith He’ll Light Your Path.

Two Hearts

May 18th, 2008 | By

When I was 17, I wanted a tattoo, but my mother refused.   She said I was to young to get something permanent on my body.  I was stubborn and didn’t listen, so I grabbed my friends I.D. and went to the tattoo parlor.

It was two weeks before my 18th birthday, and I was surrounded by walls and books full of pictures.

Lil backround.  I had graduated at 16.  I was working and had my own apartment.  I had been in love twice.  My first had taken my virginity and captured my intellect.  Plus my mom hated him.  More than that, he made me think, and I loved that.  He was older, more sexual, and so he cheated.  I broke it off.

Three years later, it happened again.  He made me furious.  He was constantly challenging my ability to deal with other people, which was hard for me.  He was toxic, but I loved him anyway.

I was still in love, but no longer with him when I was standing around all these pictures.  I saw it and I realized my mother was wrong.  I was old enough to realize something that would last my entire life.

Two major loves should be enough to know exactly what you want.  I’m not talking casual dating, I never did that.  I’m talking making yourself sick love.  You should know whick qualities you want and those that should send off red flags.  Even if those are attractive qualities to you, that’s what the arrows’ for.  Never forget the lessons learned in the first two.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Keep on a straight path to finding what you really want.  The blood dripping?  Let it go.  Don’t hold the next man accountable for your past.

In a nutshell, its my philosophy on love.  It can be summed up by Maya Angelo.  “When people show you who they are, believe them.”

Me & My Pastor

May 18th, 2008 | By

I can’t remember my age, but I’m guessing 12,13. I was in church one Sunday and my pastor began to preach. He was talking about perception. He asked what was the difference between a businessman that comes home to a bottle of wine and a homeless man with a bottle in his hand. Which had the harder existence?

It’s all in perception. I got really excited for the insight. The he got on the subject of black stars at the time, Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy, and somebody else, I forget. He said we shouldn’t support them. They were giving the wrong perception.

I was shocked. I listened with total disagreement and silence. (Mainly because I was sitting by my grandmother)

After service, everyone lines up to greet the pastor. I had done it every Sunday since he was sworn in as the pastor of my church. This was the man that had baptized me, but on this day I couldn’t bring myself to give him my usual hug and update on my school progress. Instead I asked could I talk to him in his office.

He kept candy in his office, so he had to shoo out the little ones for our discussion. I sat there determined to get my point across.

‘I don’t agree with your sermon,’ I stated as calmly as I could. I told him we didn’t know if they prayed and this was their blessing, maybe they were there to help someone who wouldn’t come to you for help. I was ranting a little, but his comments had upset me.

My pastor smiled and held out his hand to shake mine. He congratulated me. He was happy I was listening, and even happier I made up my own opinions. He never tried to change my opinion, nor did his attitude change towards me. That was my Black Pastor, and that’s as controversial as he ever was. He was always inspirational.

You know this is leading to Jeremiah Wright. If I sat in a church with my daughter and he said such things, I used to think I would get up and walk out, but writing this I think I would have stayed. I would want her to hear he say “God damn America”, and “the government invented Aids as a means of genocide”. I would stay and let her listen, so when we left, I could tell her that’s what’s wrong with us as a people today.

Trying to place blame else where. No Personal Responsibility.

What if they did invent Aids? How do you get it? Having sex without a condom or sharing needle. How can we stop it? Use protection, limit the amount of sexual partners you have and get tested often. Simple. This isn’t complicated.

I love my church, though I moved away. I remember my pastor’s words, though God has called him home.

Okay, PERCEPTION. Make sure you think about the other side of things. When someone places blame elsewhere, question what they could have done to change the outcome.

Example: Jeremiah Wright brags about feeding thousands of people a year, because the government doesn’t care. The church bought him a $10 million house. How many more mouths could you have fed, how many more scholarships could have went out, or how many houses could you have helped saved?

It’s all in PERCEPTION.

A Disconnect Between My Elder and Me: Older Generation We Need Your Help

February 14th, 2008 | By

My Grandfather loved to get drunk. I could remember getting to his house about 10 a.m. and he would already have a drink in his hand. As a kid, I hated it. I knew about 4 or 5 o’clock, he would be wasted and story time would start. He would holla and scream until all the kid’s were gathered at his feet.

He cussed, a lot. That’s what made the time worth it. We were allowed to ask any question and our mother’s could say nothing. We had a little power and that was cool.

No matter the subject, we always got back to self-responsibility. No matter how much someone has wronged you, it’s only important what you do after the fact. This was a lesson real important to my brother, my sister, my cousins and me.

Not one of us came from a “complete family” where both mom and dad were present. Every single one of us had issues with abandonment. He didn’t care. It wasn’t an excuse to fail in school, disrespect your elders, or to dwell in your own self-pity. Your job was to move past it and live your life. Because he lived his life everyday, to the fullest.

Now, another perfect example is my Uncle Pop. Boy, is he a piece of work. We sometimes look at our elders like they are just old. We don’t realize they were once the pimps, whores, squares, and everything in between.

Uncle Pop has the philosophy that if a man works, nothing else matters. As long as he pays the bills at home, what he does in the street is his business. And that’s how he’s lived his life. Bringing hurt and pain into the lives of his family members and not caring because the lights were on.

Yet, he is biggest advocate for self-responsibility. I don’t talk about politics around my family. They are liberal by default. No research, no news, just follow the blind. On New Year’s, he stands up in his drunken stupor and starts talking about the bail out of the Banks. I was shocked.

He said as long as he has his health, he can make a dollar and everyone should be held to that standard. It was so funny. If it had been me, they would have argued and yelled. But because it was him, they all sat and listened. Just as I had my entire youth.

So, what’s my point.

Most of us, still hold a lot respect for our elders. I’m scared not to. My mother passed but I still fear her presence for disrespecting someone older and wiser than me. The rule was as steadfast as not singing at the dinner table.

I got a funny question for you. In all the movies we watch, why does the main character always return to Grandma’s house? Is it because she is always cooking something good? Maybe it’s because we really need the advice of someone older? Or maybe it’s because she’s the only one guaranteed to still be in her home!

See, Grandma wouldn’t take out a second mortgage to have a down payment for a car. Grandma would drive the wheels off the car she already has. Grandma didn’t buy brand name clothes, unless something big was happening at the church. Grandma would shop at yard sales and discount stores. Grandma wouldn’t spend extra money going green. She already had a garden in the back that would supply her with all the fresh, organic vegetables she needed.

So, even though Grandma wasn’t rolling in the dough, she always had the money to pay her bills. She was responsible so you would always have a place to come back too.

While we praise Obama, we need to give praise to our older family members. Those that watched us as our parents struggled. Those that propped us up when we struggled. Those that have maintained a place where everyone can call home. Thank You.

Having said that. Some times you love us too much. In that same movie, the child that comes home takes something invaluable from the Grandmother. She is so willing to help her kin, she forgets exactly what helping them is. She gives up her house, her savings, or the sentimental piece of jewelry she’s always had and the child learns nothing until further in the story.

That’s where we are. I will take nothing away from the pride felt by older Black Americans to see a black man sworn in as President of the United States of America. From your perspective, I could understand you not believing you would see it in your lifetime.

The surprise and elation was lost on me. I wasn’t surprised a black man could run a successful political campaign and capture the heart and souls of all class and color of Americans. I have pride and belief in our people, their success doesn’t surprise me.

That’s the problem.

We are two very different generations. Our grandparents caught the best and worst of our struggle. They had to deal with the injustice of segregation but they also experienced our most prevalent time of self pride. People cared about their neighbors and communities. They picked up trash voluntarily, offered assistance when they were barely making it themselves, and kept each other in good spirits when they were experiencing so much hate.

Our generation, not so much. For the sake of argument, I’m going to play conspiracy theory. Suppose the government did drop large amounts drugs into black neighborhoods. We got that, torch and pitch forks to the government.

Where is our strength to get past it? Like my Grandfather used to say, “What are you going to do to fix your situation?” We have a refusal to take a step above victim. That is our problem.

It has nothing to do with government or color of the president’s skin. It’s what do we want and how do we go about getting it. We want everything, now. We aren’t willing to put in the work to acheive a goal, we want it handed to us on a silver platter.

Why aren’t our elder standing up and saying, “That’s not how you do it baby. If I had mortgaged my house on what I thought your mother was going to become, neither of us would have a place to live right now. Instead, I struggled to keep it together so your mother could have a chance at a better life. It was her decision not to take advantage of it. Just like it is your choice not to take advantage of the opportunities you have in front of you.”

A simple message but full of lessons to be learned.

  1. The importance of keeping your star player in tact so you have the ability to help those you love
  2. The importance of making wise money decisions
  3. How important it is to keep going, no matter how tough time gets
  4. Doing your part and realizing that’s all you can do. You can help someone that doesn’t want it.
  5. The importance of self-responsibility
  6. The importance of learning the mistakes of others before you have to endure them

These aren’t empty words when they come from a matriarch or patriarch. These become life lessons to follow.

Because my generation is living by a whole new set of rules. We don’t respect anyone or anything that blocks our instant gratification. We don’t care if it brings the detriment of our entire community, including the elders that still demand it is the system’s fault. You are fighting for us, and we are fighting for nothing.

And that’s where we need to meet. One of my brother’s was kicked out of school for fighting. A white boy called him a Nigger and he put the boy in the hospital for a month. He was sent to Juvenile for 6 months. My grandma asked him if it was worth it, he said yes. She never mentioned it again, at least not to my knowledge.

That same year, she jumped on me everyday because I was getting a ride to school with a boy. Everyday, no stop. I was very self aware. I knew what boys wanted and it was my job not to let them have it. Her wisdom did little to effect my outlook.

But my brother. He needed someone in his face telling him to take responsibility for his own actions and there was silence. There was no sticks and stones talk or look how much it cost you talk and my brother still walks around like the world owes him something. When in trouble, he still runs back to Grandma’s for assistance.

I’m like, when is it time you start assisting her? But she will have none of it. My brother can do no wrong. Even when all she wants is to see her great-grandchildren on her birthday, he is the only one not to show up. Family pictures always remain incomplete.

We need the assistance of an elder population that realizes we were not brought up with the same morals and values as them. We need help realizing our dreams are not assured because those before us suffered. We need to know that it is our time to stand up and take our place.

Silence is just as bad as excuses. It’s right above enabling. Silence either means you understand or you don’t care. Both are equally as dangerous to a mind with little hope for a bright future. If you understand than they find acceptance in excuses. If you don’t care, why should they. And if you only speak when it benefits you, we are not dumb, we realize the placation.

So what do we do? Hope my elders can give us some help!