Articles Tagged: Faith

Did She Say That: 2010 Resolution

January 7th, 2010 | By Sonnie

Conservative Whisper

A week into the New Year and I’m still working on a resolution.  By no means am I perfect or without flaws, but this year can’t be superficial.   This years’ resolution can’t be about outside appearance, personal wants, or unrealistic expectations.

I thought I had it.  I’ve been lax on decision making.  I postpone and put off easy and simple decisions and I’m not sure why.  So I prayed on it and received a message from God via FaceBook

 God has more in store for us then we can ever predict, and what we fear are bad choices frequently turn out for the best, because our hidden aspirations know better where we are going than our rational minds.

That sounds just like me.  My mind just isn’t ready to accept what the Lord has prepared for me, all it takes is faith.  Good, Problem Solved.  Yeah right, when is anything ever that simple?   I’ve experienced the battle of inner-faith with God.  I’ve tried to walk the path I thought best and failed, and I’ve walked God’s path and found light at the end of the tunnel; faith is not my issue.

So, I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to figure out exactly what is it that prevents me from making little decisions, even though I have faith that God is by my side and his will shall be done.    So God sent me another Message via FaceBook and this time he attached a member of his army.

Happy Warriors Needed, Nadra Enzi A.K.A. Capt. Black


I wasn’t that happy warrior.  Hey, wait.  I thought I was supposed to be focused on decision making, why is there now a question of my overall attitude?  Where’s the connection?  

After a conversation with Capt. Black, this is what I realized.  We all come from different circumstances.  We may live in the same communities, experience the same situations, and battle the same demons; yet we all have a different perspective on the same journey.   This is unavoidable, lonely, and the greatest gift anyone could ever hope to receive.  We all have the ability to take the same situation and make of it what we desire.

But we have to be willing to make the tough decisions.  How can you be sure of what you desire if you’re stuck between yes or no, stay or go, to forgive or not to forgive, or any other number of small questions we delay answering?    Before you say it, I know those questions that really stick us in place aren’t small, per se.  As we contemplate the outcome they seem huge, but are they really? 

Here’s the twist.  Before you can make a decision, you have to be in control of your own mind.   This is not a question of intelligence or wisdom, more of trust.  Alot of us have faith in God, what we lack is the basic trust in ourselves.  Who knows better the truth behind your indecision?  And if you’re anything like me, a vision just popped into your head and you understand why dieting isn’t working, your business is failing,  or you continue to overspend. 

It’s that little voice in the back of your head that says, “remember last time” or “it was so much easierwhen”.   As Capt. Black pointed out, “That’s the old part of you trying to hold on for its very existence.”  And you listen to that voice becausethe person you were got you to where you are, when everyone else from the same community, the same situation, battling the same demons didn’t make it.

We forget our communities have changed, our situation altered, yet the same demons are after us.  We get stuck due to our inabilityto trust our own personal growth, even though we are self aware, confident, and guided by faith.  We are still human, faulty, and bound to pauseor delay because we just don’t know what’s on the other side.

So the 2010 Resolution for Did She Say that is…..

Trust yourself to be wise enough, strong enough, confident enough, experienced enough, to make decisions, especially the mountains you’ve made of mole hills.

When You Know You’re Wrong

July 17th, 2008 | By Sonnie

So many times, we know the right thing to say and do, but we do the opposite. We blame it on circumstance, when it’s really just selfishness. We want immediate gratification, knowing there will be a penalty in the end.

Even worse, we turn from God when we’re ashamed of the decisions we’ve made. That’s the time when we need him most. To fill of hearts with enough compassion to know that another decision is coming and it’s chance at redemption. What will you do next time you know you’re wrong?

“The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice” George Eliot (1819-1880)


June 3rd, 2008 | By Sonnie

The moment someone mentions faith, those who don’t believe have something to say. Yet, they have faith that their government will protect their speech.

Faith is important. Knowing you can accomplish something when all signs point to failure, faithful. Having that faith and letting the world see you wear it as a badge of honor, priceless.

“I always admired Atheists. I think it takes a lot of faith.” Northern Exposure1991

Science vs Faith

May 18th, 2008 | By Sonnie

There are two main beliefs in the creation of the world.  Some believe the right gases mixed, we evolved, and this is what we became.  I believe God created the earth, and made us in his image.  I heard this story when I was young and it always stuck with me.


There was a woman.  She was burned really bad in a fire.  Her face bared the brunt of the scars.  She had a daughter that loved science, it was her passion.  Her mother worked hard to get her every advantage.

Her mother was so proud of her.  When she won an award for her brilliance, she was the first one there to see it.  She watched her daughter, strong and confident, take the stage and command attention.  She was so impressed.

Then came the speech.  Her mother sat there shocked, listening to her daughter credit science for the creation of man.  Before her speech was over, the mother got up and exited the building.

The daughter found her outside crying.  She wiped her tears and questioned their meaning.  The mother looked into her daughter’s eyes and wept.

Do you know how I got these scars?

The daughter had always wondered, but her mother had showed her so much love she hadn’t asked.  It just didn’t matter.

Well when you were a baby, our house caught on fire.  I had been working so hard, I didn’t wake up at the sound of the alarm.   Your cries finally woke me, but the flames were already in room with us.  I grabbed you, and I prayed.  God told me to move and I did.  I ran through the burning house with you in my arms and I didn’t stop til we were safe outside.  I never felt the flames on my face and body and not a single one touched you.

I thought your love of science would help the world, I never thought it would destroy your faith.

You should read my blog, Poetry: That feeling.   Then let me know what you think.

That Feeling

May 18th, 2008 | By Sonnie


But a feeling

An Invisible something

willing you forward

Questioned by those who ignore

That Feeling

It’s not materialistic

It’s soul searching

Where X marks the spot

Unseen to those who don’t search it out

Unknown to those who block out pain

Instead of dealing

It’s overwhelmingly strong

But bendable to emotion

When invited in, it takes hold

And shapes

And fills

And recreates

That Feeling

An invisible something

willing you forward.

Don’t question, Just Feel

That Feeling

Me & My Pastor

May 18th, 2008 | By Sonnie

I can’t remember my age, but I’m guessing 12,13. I was in church one Sunday and my pastor began to preach. He was talking about perception. He asked what was the difference between a businessman that comes home to a bottle of wine and a homeless man with a bottle in his hand. Which had the harder existence?

It’s all in perception. I got really excited for the insight. The he got on the subject of black stars at the time, Martin Lawrence, Eddie Murphy, and somebody else, I forget. He said we shouldn’t support them. They were giving the wrong perception.

I was shocked. I listened with total disagreement and silence. (Mainly because I was sitting by my grandmother)

After service, everyone lines up to greet the pastor. I had done it every Sunday since he was sworn in as the pastor of my church. This was the man that had baptized me, but on this day I couldn’t bring myself to give him my usual hug and update on my school progress. Instead I asked could I talk to him in his office.

He kept candy in his office, so he had to shoo out the little ones for our discussion. I sat there determined to get my point across.

‘I don’t agree with your sermon,’ I stated as calmly as I could. I told him we didn’t know if they prayed and this was their blessing, maybe they were there to help someone who wouldn’t come to you for help. I was ranting a little, but his comments had upset me.

My pastor smiled and held out his hand to shake mine. He congratulated me. He was happy I was listening, and even happier I made up my own opinions. He never tried to change my opinion, nor did his attitude change towards me. That was my Black Pastor, and that’s as controversial as he ever was. He was always inspirational.

You know this is leading to Jeremiah Wright. If I sat in a church with my daughter and he said such things, I used to think I would get up and walk out, but writing this I think I would have stayed. I would want her to hear he say “God damn America”, and “the government invented Aids as a means of genocide”. I would stay and let her listen, so when we left, I could tell her that’s what’s wrong with us as a people today.

Trying to place blame else where. No Personal Responsibility.

What if they did invent Aids? How do you get it? Having sex without a condom or sharing needle. How can we stop it? Use protection, limit the amount of sexual partners you have and get tested often. Simple. This isn’t complicated.

I love my church, though I moved away. I remember my pastor’s words, though God has called him home.

Okay, PERCEPTION. Make sure you think about the other side of things. When someone places blame elsewhere, question what they could have done to change the outcome.

Example: Jeremiah Wright brags about feeding thousands of people a year, because the government doesn’t care. The church bought him a $10 million house. How many more mouths could you have fed, how many more scholarships could have went out, or how many houses could you have helped saved?

It’s all in PERCEPTION.

He’s in my Soul

May 18th, 2008 | By Sonnie

This is not a site about God. I don’t intend to convert you, nor will I try to save you, but I must tell how much I love the lord. If he had ever touched your life than you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve never felt him, then your missing out. PEER PRESSURE PEER PRESSURE. No just kidding but I could tell you a little bout my life and then you could see why this section is a must.

When I was 17 I was working at Pizza Hut and I got really sick. I mean passing out, they called the ambulance sick. They ran test for days before my aunt told them to test for CROHN’S. She had it and to her it sounded like I had it to.

I wish she had been wrong, but………

So I just graduated high school, a year early mind you, and here I am balled into knots being poked and prodded. I want to say, I never asked why, but that would be a lie.

I possessed one of the seven deadly sins, strongly. I was so vain. I had been complemented on my stomach so many times, I couldn’t imagine having a big scar, so I suffered. For two years, I suffered, because I didn’t want a scar.

I finally broke down. I couldn’t take another week in the hospital. I was missing so much of my life being sick all the time. I had the surgery.

It took me almost five years to realize how CROHN’S had saved my life.

Prior to getting sick, I hated my home life. I did anything I could not to go home at night. I stayed in shitty hotels with my boyfriend and friends, hung around while drugs were sold, and put myself in really bad situations. I liked bad boys and they come with bad things.

When I got sick, I wasn’t able to hang out like I had before. I would get sick and have to go home in the middle of hanging out, and since I was the one with the car, anyone who came with me would have to leave to. People stopped asking for rides and I stopped offering them. I withdrew into myself and there I stayed until I had the surgery.

So five years later, I made a trip back to my hometown. Everybody I used to chill with, were still in the same place. Literally. I could go to the same spots we hung out at as teenagers and these adults were still there. That’s when it hit me.

That could have been me. If I hadn’t got sick, that would have been me. That’s when I opened my heart and begged the lord for forgiveness. I had questioned him, not knowing what the intended plan was. I prayed to take the disease instead of praying for the strength to get through it. That’s my testimony. That’s how I know God is real and he has a plan for me.