Articles Tagged: life

Restoring Honor Reflection: My Right to be Selfish

September 2nd, 2010 | By Sonnie

I’m BACK!!!!!!!  I know, I know  I’ve been away to long and you’re all wondering what I’ve been up to.  In a nutshell, I was looking at my reflection in the mirror.  I won’t lie to you, I’ve been going through personal turmoil the last 40 days and the mirror tells no tales.  I’ve acknowledged my tears, smiles, and those awkward faces you make when you’re thinking really hard about something that hardly matters.  Oh yeah, my reflection has been my friend for the last 40 days.

So, how fitting that  this weekend’s Glenn Beck Restoring Honor Rally mentions the true need for reflection and correction in our lives.  What a way to end my 40 days.

And this has to be said on my part.  For the critics of Glenn Beck who question his religion, judge him on his inability to separate himself from his religion, or scoff at his gull of openly speaking about his religion, I will pray for you.  Trust and believe that’s not what I really wanted to say but it will suffice for this article.

With that being said, what did I learn about myself in the last 40 days? 

  1. I’ve learned to accept my own growth.  There will always be people who remember me as I once was.  But I have the Right to be Selfish and decide to see only what I am now.  I find no joy in rehashing sins I’ve already turned over to God.  I find no happiness in holding old grudges that God is already in the process of working out.  It profits me none to turn away from God’s word and live by someone else’s memory of who I should be.
  2. I’ve learned I’ve alwasy been a problem creator, now I’m a problem solver.  My rebellious teenage years caused me more problems than I realized.  Not only did I act out against my parents, church, and school,  I let it seep into my mental process.  When a problem came along, mostly by my own creation, I could rationalize why it was everyone else’s fault.  But I have the Right to be Selfish and immediately ask of myself, ‘What could you have done differently?’  I don’t care who was wrong or right, it only matters that I fix those things which I control.
  3. I’ve learned walking in God’s Will shall reveal false prophets.  No one can tell me what God’s Will is.  I speak to God and ,in his mysterious way, he speaks back to me.  I question my language, tone, and subject selection.  I question my colored hair, short skirts, and the stero-type that comes along with those fashion decisions.  But, in the end, I have the Right to be Selfish and be exactly who God made me to be.  He has had his hand in every other decision I’ve made, so if its not broke……..
  4. I’ve learned some arguments are not worth having.  I’m the ultimate debater.  Very rarely is there a conversation that I run away from.  But I have the Right to be Selfish and decide where my time would be better spent.  It would be easy to assume I’m talking about politics but that’s way off base.  I’m talking about those everyday conversations that end up putting a crimp in your day.  The time spent talking about what you’re going to do, while you’re actually accomplishing nothing.  Time spent complaining about the things around you, while not lifting a finger to find a solution.  Time wasted on those who can point out every flaw you have but have this uncanny ability to forget they are also flawed.
  5. I’ve learned you can’t help everyone and sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is Pray God comes to their heart.  Always offer a hand when you see a person in need.  Always make yourself available to those who need to testify or need to hear your testimony.  Always humble yourself before trying to give advice, especially if its unsolicited advice.  But never take on someone else’s salvation.  I have the Right to be Selfish and accept that I am not God.  I am not omnipotent and all powerful, I am but flesh and bones.  While I can imagine what I want your life to look like, only you and God can make it a reality.
  6. Finally, I’ve learned not to get so wrapped up in your own reflection you forget the impression you leave on other people.  God made you in his image and that makes you beautiful.  Not because of the cosmetics you wear, the name-brands you sport, or the kicks you have on your feet and if that’s where you find your self-worth, those around you probably only see the superficial as well.  I have the Right to be Selfish and decide I want to be remembered for my words and actions.  I want to be worthy of the kind messages, well wishes, and constant encouragement I get from those around me and I can’t accomplish that staring at the mirror waiting for it to speak back to me.

I know all this Selfish talk can seem counter-productive but it’s the only solution we have.  We must make the choice to be SELFISH in following God’s word.   So it doesn’t matter what political party you vote for, they must be subservient to your true ideals and principles because you have left them no other option.  You are so steadfast in what you believe and what you stand for, it doesn’t matter the color of a person’s skin if they step out the boundaries of what you find acceptable.  You are so steeped in Truth that you can smell a lie a mile away and it forces other to be truthful in return.

The real truth is, these acts aren’t Selfish, self-serving, or easy.  These are the hardest paths to salvation.  You won’t get the life you’ve wished for, you’ll get the life God planned for you.  You won’t see progress devoid of any striff or disappointment.  You will relapse to old habits and find yourself on your knees asking what went wrong and praying for strength to make it through.  You will start to feel your life is totally out of control and the hits just keep coming.  But in the moments where you need to step out on faith, in the moments where you must speak up, in the moments when you’ve placed yourself so far out on a ledge you can’t see your way back, God will show up.  And if you can reflect back and know with certainty that every move you made was by God’s Will, you will  have no fear.  You will have no doubt.  And when they say you are trying to accomplish the impossible, you can say: “I Selfishly have the Right to say, All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me.  Amen”

Did She Say That: 2010 Resolution

January 7th, 2010 | By Sonnie

Conservative Whisper

A week into the New Year and I’m still working on a resolution.  By no means am I perfect or without flaws, but this year can’t be superficial.   This years’ resolution can’t be about outside appearance, personal wants, or unrealistic expectations.

I thought I had it.  I’ve been lax on decision making.  I postpone and put off easy and simple decisions and I’m not sure why.  So I prayed on it and received a message from God via FaceBook

 God has more in store for us then we can ever predict, and what we fear are bad choices frequently turn out for the best, because our hidden aspirations know better where we are going than our rational minds.

That sounds just like me.  My mind just isn’t ready to accept what the Lord has prepared for me, all it takes is faith.  Good, Problem Solved.  Yeah right, when is anything ever that simple?   I’ve experienced the battle of inner-faith with God.  I’ve tried to walk the path I thought best and failed, and I’ve walked God’s path and found light at the end of the tunnel; faith is not my issue.

So, I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to figure out exactly what is it that prevents me from making little decisions, even though I have faith that God is by my side and his will shall be done.    So God sent me another Message via FaceBook and this time he attached a member of his army.

Happy Warriors Needed, Nadra Enzi A.K.A. Capt. Black


I wasn’t that happy warrior.  Hey, wait.  I thought I was supposed to be focused on decision making, why is there now a question of my overall attitude?  Where’s the connection?  

After a conversation with Capt. Black, this is what I realized.  We all come from different circumstances.  We may live in the same communities, experience the same situations, and battle the same demons; yet we all have a different perspective on the same journey.   This is unavoidable, lonely, and the greatest gift anyone could ever hope to receive.  We all have the ability to take the same situation and make of it what we desire.

But we have to be willing to make the tough decisions.  How can you be sure of what you desire if you’re stuck between yes or no, stay or go, to forgive or not to forgive, or any other number of small questions we delay answering?    Before you say it, I know those questions that really stick us in place aren’t small, per se.  As we contemplate the outcome they seem huge, but are they really? 

Here’s the twist.  Before you can make a decision, you have to be in control of your own mind.   This is not a question of intelligence or wisdom, more of trust.  Alot of us have faith in God, what we lack is the basic trust in ourselves.  Who knows better the truth behind your indecision?  And if you’re anything like me, a vision just popped into your head and you understand why dieting isn’t working, your business is failing,  or you continue to overspend. 

It’s that little voice in the back of your head that says, “remember last time” or “it was so much easierwhen”.   As Capt. Black pointed out, “That’s the old part of you trying to hold on for its very existence.”  And you listen to that voice becausethe person you were got you to where you are, when everyone else from the same community, the same situation, battling the same demons didn’t make it.

We forget our communities have changed, our situation altered, yet the same demons are after us.  We get stuck due to our inabilityto trust our own personal growth, even though we are self aware, confident, and guided by faith.  We are still human, faulty, and bound to pauseor delay because we just don’t know what’s on the other side.

So the 2010 Resolution for Did She Say that is…..

Trust yourself to be wise enough, strong enough, confident enough, experienced enough, to make decisions, especially the mountains you’ve made of mole hills.

Learn To Play Your Position: What More Can I Say?

August 19th, 2008 | By Sonnie

The Story

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Hope. Hope was having a very bad day. She got an A on her Math Test, but the teacher pulled her to the side and accused her of cheating. She got an A on her Oral Exam, but the class made jokes while she was speaking. She was allowed to spend her free period helping in the office, but the kids that were in trouble threatened her for helping the teachers process paper work. She was just having a bad day.

Then Hope goes home. She runs in the house to tell her mother about her day. The first thing her Mother says to her is, “Why didn’t you do something to your hair. You look Horrible.”

Hope tried to explain. “I had two tests to take today and I spent this morning studying. If I had spent time on my hair, I would’ve been late for school.”

Her mother replied, “You think you gon get something out a book? You better make sure you keep yourself up so you can find a Man to take care of you. You don’t want to end up like me.”

Hope was so confused, she to her best friends house. “Why weren’t you in school today? You know you missed two exams.” Hope questioned.

Her Friend answered, “I don’t know why you spend your time in school. I dance three nights a week and make over $5,000. You need to come and work with me.”

Hope couldn’t take anymore. She ran to the local playground. A post up boy saw her crying and approached. He put his arm around her and whispered ‘It’s alright, Ma. Don’t cry. You should be my girl and I’d make sure nobody makes you cry.’

Hope was tempted but she knew better so she continued on. Then she looked up at the Sky and asked Why?

Out of No Where, and Angel appeared. Hope was transfixed in disbelief. “Hello. I my name is Dream and you’re starting to piss me off.”

Hope thought to herself, ‘Oh No. Even the Angel wants to dog me.’

Dream came closer to Hope and began to speak. “Let’s start with your teacher. Did you cheat?” Hope shook her head No. “Then why are you letting her upset you. Does she ever smile? Do you ever see her in a good mood?” Hope shook her head No.

“Let’s move on. What was the topic of your Oral Report?” Dream asked. “How Black People Can Help Other Black People Succeed.”

“Did you believe the words you spoke?” Hope shook her head Yes. “Then you need to get some tougher skin. If you had the same opinion as them, they would probably still ridicule you. It’s not the message, usually it’s more about breaking the spirit of the messenger.”

“Your Mother. She is a lovely woman.” Dream uttered. “She has a job, owns a house, takes care of you, drives a BMW…”

“Yeah, I don’t get it. I study everyday, I teach myself new math, I do random science experiments, all in an effort to be like my Mom.”

“Your best friend is sliding down a pole.”

“Yes and I got Neighborhood boys trying to get in my pants. Do you want to hurt me more by making me repeat this day again in my mind.”

“Honey, Where are You?” Dream smiled.

“I’m in a dirty park, probably losing my mind, thinking I’m talking to a Ghost.”

“You are not in the house putting on make-up, you are not rubbing baby oil on yourself preparing to be groped by random Men; You are taking time to think about Me. Your dreams. You will not lower yourself for a Man because that’s Not what I’m about. You will continue to speak over criticism because My voice is Loud. You will start to SMILE when you face opposition because You’ve seen ME, and you know I’m Real. You will wait for a Good Man because You are Not willing to sacrifice Me.”

“Come with Me Hope, I want you to meet my best friend, His Name Is FAITH.”

The Point

Our dreams are never going to appear out of thin air. Our dreams are never going to fight for our attention. “All the world’s a stage, and all the Men and Women merely Players; they have they’re exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his act being 7 ages.” In other words, everyone will play their position. The question then becomes What’s your Position?

The Teacher

This does not just apply to School teachers. This applies to anyone who is supposed to supply knowledge, but takes offense when surpassed. Your Character’s focus should be on inspiration. When did it become more about your pride than their growth? Why try to bring them down a peg or two, when you helped them climb in the first place?

The Mother

Once again, this does not just apply to ‘Mothers’. This applies to people that have made it, but encourage you to follow a different path. They entered the military as lost souls, found themselves, came back knowing exactly who they are and what they want to be; but will tell you, there is nothing to be gained in the Military. They sacrifice to get accepted to a Great College, then instead of telling that story, they fight for Affirmative Action. Character is built through struggle. They struggle and succeed, then expect you to succeed without the proper sacrifice. Question Motives.

I just have to throw this in. I asked my Cousin; How many people in the hood do think would be good repairing a Helicopter? She laughed and said NONE. I didn’t laugh. I said, “How do you know, when they’ve never seen Helicopter, except flying overhead.” Little Lessons.

The Uninspired

These are the Name Callers. These are the ones’ who have nothing to say, but they want to be heard. They don’t want to listen but want your attention when they lay out their excuses. They know that things aren’t good, but they don’t know how to fix it; so They Do Nothing. Except criticize those who make an attempt.

The Forgotten

Every man plays different parts during his lifetime, but I’m sure all of us play this part at some point in time. Like that neighborhood boy. He could’ve been waiting for the next basketball game, but because of his location and appearance, Hope could’ve judged him as a Dough Boy. Like the Best Friend. How do we know she was stripping? She could have a part in Musical. She could be skipping school to improve her dance. They hire dancers on talent, Not on Grade Point Average. But the money amount would cause you to assume.

For what ever reason, we all get overlooked. It might be the color of your skin but it also might be the tone in which you chose to speak. It might be the fact that you’re a woman but it might have something to do with the way you carry yourself. It might be because your broke but it might have more to do with your broken spirit showing through. It might be that nobody cares but it might be everyone who does care; you criticize, you ignore, or you just treat as a Forgotten.

The Dream

I bet you taught this position wouldn’t exist, HUH? You thought it was the imaginary character. The disappointing fact, It IS. The plays that really need these characters find them none existent. The students who would have an excellent chance to excel in college but doesn’t have one person to help get them there. The boy or girl that gets beat up everyday in front of everyone because Gangs have more Respect than Police. The girl that sees a way out of abusive household by having a baby.

Where is their vision of a Dream? Will an Angel appear out the Thin Air and tell them which path to follow? Yes. We are out here, strong. We just haven’t found you YET. But don’t worry; The Calvary Is On The Way. We’ve been through your struggles and made it out. We’ve be judged, overlooked, kicked, then kicked again when we were down; We’ve been criticized, felt humiliated and lost, and scared to move forward. But we won’t stop because we know The Dream is Real. We see it in your need to question. We see it when you stand up when everyone else would have you on your knees. We hear you when you cry out for help. And we are Coming. If we’re not coming fast enough, then seek us out. I know I won’t turn you away, and I’ll assure you, I’m not the only one.

My Favorite Hope

We all have Hope in Us. Most of Us want Good Things for our lives. We hope to get a good job. We hope to find the right mate. We hope all our basic needs as humans are met. But some of Us don’t like the sacrifice it takes to get there. The price is so high, we focus on the negatives and forget about The Hope. When the Hope is gone, We fill the empty space with excuses.

But what if we stopped and looked at the people who were trying to take away our Hope. They say, those who can’t do, Teach. So if you’re surpassing your teacher, do not allow their words to stop you. You will be greater than them and they know it. If your “Mother” is Bitter and Angry because she can’t find a good man, don’t listen when she stakes your future on finding one. If you know some one has no hope, don’t waiver in yours because they insult you. But don’t Overlook them either. That may be the only way they know to ask for help. At least make an effort to be someones’ Dream. If they don’t accept it, Fine. God accepts your actions, not their response.


None of these things would be possible without FAITH. If you don’t have Faith, it’s a pretty safe bet your hopes and dreams are Lacking. Now I Love the Lord, with all my heart and soul, but that doesn’t have to be your source of Faith. It can be your refusal to make the same mistakes as your parents. It can be your acceptance that life isn’t perfect, but if I do right, I’m going to be Okay. But nothing feels better than dropping to your knees, telling God what pains you, and leaving that pain with him. Problems don’t seem that insurmountable. Haters don’t sound that Hateful; more envious. And Hopes and Dreams flood the spaces once filled with pain, then anger, then excuses.

I’m going to Quote Jay-Z. What More Can I Say?

Nigga Vs Nigger: Yeah I Said It

August 13th, 2008 | By Sonnie

I Know I’m Gonna Catch It For This One!

I had an interesting conversation today, and it left me quite unsettled. So I had to stop and think. I spent the majority of the day thinking about this one topic. Should we stop using the word Nigger? Now those that label me “Conservative” might be surprised to find out, I love the word. To me, it no longer holds any power, racially. If used to describe me, I accept because that person must not know me very well. And more over, they can’t stop me. They don’t deserve my energy, I keep it moving.

But I got deeper in thought, That’s What I Do? There are two different definitions, Let’s go through the difference.

Drug Dealers

There are different kinds of drug dealers. Don’t disregard and say all dealers are bad. Some are reserved in the fate that is awaiting them. Is it right? No. But it is reality and that’s the realm in which I work.

The Nigger drug dealer will sell to a mother, while her children watch, knowing they are hungry. He will take the money and walk away. Even though, he was once that little kid and he knows how it feels. NIGGER.

The Nigga drug dealer will sell to mother, after giving her children a dollar or two, then catch them on the fly and take them to the store. He will buy them some thing to eat. That might be all he does, but it’s more than the Nigger.

C.R.E.A.M. As long as we believe it, there will drug dealers. Until we give the Community real hope, there will be addicts. Reality. I’ve been there, I know that all dealers aren’t bad people. I know that some just don’t care, About Anything. So when I see that Cops killed a BLACK DRUG DEALER, I think of my NIGGAS that told me that that’s how they would go out. And I believed them.

And when I say they are smart. They will break down economics to you. They can give you an opinion on the Middle East. They do more reading than some of the “Liberals” that provide them with excuses they don’t use. But the minute you tell them they would be good in the “Real World” they pull away. Why? I have no idea. If they believed in themselves just a little bit, I wouldn’t have anything to write about.

Baby Daddy’s

Sex. What can I say? Again, the REALITY in which we exist doesn’t make the abstinence fight very affective. They even target the young girls with BRAT dolls. My daughter will never get one. But in our society, sexuality is more main stream.

The Nigger Baby Daddy has the means to take of his child, be they legally or illegally and doesn’t. Even worse are those that degrade the Baby Mothers’ by demanding services for assistance. Sex for Diapers. NIGGER.

The Nigga Baby Daddy got a girl pregnant before he was ready. He got a job, but it’s just not enough. He knows he has to finish school but the Baby Mama degrades him from not hustling. Keep going, because one day you will be standing on your own two feet and will have made it because you worked for it. MY NIGGA.

Children don’t ask to be born. Nor does their birth mean the end of your life. I didn’t start this thinking process until after I had my daughter. I want so much for her, but I don’t want to begrudge her the things I loved in my childhood. I want her to get a Fantastic Education in a Black School. I want her to Love Hip-hop because the music has a message.

Black Men it’s O.K. that you are not perfect. As long as you are trying, We got you’re back. So think about that when you try to hollar at that girl and she turns you down because your broke. That’s a blessing. Just do you a little while longer and God will send that WOMAN that will love you, fight you, and struggle with you. You will find your rib.

Baby Mamas

Sex! Yadda, Yadda, to much sex in videos, Yadda, Yadda, Girls Kissing on T.V. Yadda, Yadda. You get the point. Teach more Self Responsibility. Another Blog Another Day!

The Nigger Baby Mama will welcome public assistance. She will invite her drug dealing boyfriend to live with her. When he gets locked up, she’ll move to the next man, and get pregnant by him, too. Then as it gets harder to attract men, 2 Kids and All, she goes for child support. She gets new shoes, her hair done, and new outfit for the club Friday Night. I thought it was CHILD SUPPORT! NIGGER!

The Nigga Baby Mama will welcome public assistance. She will continue her studies and try to be the best Mom she can. When she gets a job, the government will cut her off, IMMEDIATELY. No more food stamps, No more access to public housing, all without giving a chance to allow for saving. But she carries on. And it might not be perfect, but her kids are healthy, clean, and being properly educated. My NIGGA.

And it’s the truth. There are Mother’s that don’t ask for hand outs and it’s not because they don’t need the help. It’s because the real help they need is not offered to them. Ask most Mothers’, Do you want a Rebate Check or AFFORDABLE Child Care rates? Ask most Sistas’ in the hood, if you could keep your benefits for 6 months to a year, would you actively seek a job? Yes. But you can’t ask them to work at Wendys’ knowing they are going to lose everything they receive now instantly.

Now I know every state is different, but in V.A. you can’t get public assistance if you have a car of real value. Meaning you bought a Car 3 for 4 years ago and since then have fallen on hard times. They tell you to sell your car, then come back and apply. That’s not effective assistance. Lose your means of getting to and from a job, and we’ll give you food stamps. Question Motives People!

I could go on all night at this, who knows, I might do a part 2 in the future, but right now, I think I need to cover my Ass.

In each example, I used a description of a person I know, Personally. So I’m not applying this to everyone. Unless you know I was talking about you. I can’t help you there. You need to do some soul searching about YOUR CHOICES.

But to all of those that fall somewhere between the lines of the two, take something out of it. Maybe I didn’t describe your situation, but I beat you know both types. Sit back and think of the last decisions you’ve made and see which line are you closer to. It’s not some thing you have to take offense at. “She wants me to look inside, Look Inside for What. I Know Who I Am!”

Good. Since you are so self assured, do the test. Think about the people around you and the decisions they’ve made and see where they fall. Does it mean they are Bad People? No. Does it mean you should no longer associate with them? No. It will make you more conscience of YOU? Maybe You’ll decide you were getting a little to close to the wrong line, and since then things have started going down hill.

I do it all the time. I question if the advice I give my daughter is appropriate at such a young age. I told myself I was going to be the first to talk to her about all the important stuff. But it’s hard to look at her and bring up Sex, at 3. So I don’t. Then she goes on a playdate and comes back talking about “Being Sexy For The Boys”.

I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to yell but that’s not the kind of mother I want to be. So I told her to play, like nothing wrong. I took my time, straightened my thoughts and went to my 3 years old and talked about what is SEXY. Did she understand? I don’t think so. But the next playdate was at my house. When the little girl said “Let’s play Sexy”, My Daughter said “I’d rather be smart.” I entered, set up Dora’s Chutes and Ladders and we played in Spanish.

I get to personal on this thing, but I want you to understand. I understand. We are all different. With different circumstance, different support systems, different thinking patterns. In those differences we have to find strength, not excuses. If each one of us draws those lines, and make decisions accordingly.

Now to those who find the “N” Word Offensive. I apologize but nothing is worse than someone trying to fake who they are. I am a work in progress and one day I may look back and realize the word causes detrimental harm. If that happens, you can take comfort in the fact you were right. You can even write me and give me a personal I Told You So. Until then I think the word is nothing compared to our current thought process. If you didn’t know, my favorite quote, “The most potent weapon in the hand of the Oppressor is the mind of the Oppressed.” Think About It.

Patiently Waiting

May 18th, 2008 | By Sonnie

Patiently waiting

For the changes inevitable to life

Those that surprise

Even when expected

Nothing more shocking

Though heavily anticipated

Maybe longed for, yet repressed

Boiling to the top

Latent but growing

Fingertips twitch

Shoulders tense

Lips pursed and ready to strike

Confused by the reaction

Never can be prepared

For Life