Pride and the Black Conservative

January 24th, 2011 | By Sonnie

It’s 2011, A Brand New Year.

It’s customary to make a resolution, isn’t it?  We’re supposed to promise to lose weight (or in my case, gain a few pounds), stop smoking, be better stewards of our money, or this will be the year I find the love of life.  What ever the case, you’ve probably already given up on that resolution.

Instead, I offer you a reflection- in the form of a question- for the New Year.  Do you think you escaped the Indoctrination Process?

Over the last month I’ve been without my computer, special shout out to my hacker, but that time gave me a perspective of the Black Conservative Layout.  We are a Prideful bunch.  Each of us, walking around, all finding something to beef about and never accomplishing anything.  I never thought I would find myself agreeing with Van Jones but we have not been taught “how to rise up and grab the whip”.  I’m not talking the crazy Communist views of this man, but his analysis is alive and well on our side as well. 

The same arguments we use against Liberals, I find in a strong abundance amongst Black Conservatives.

There are those who wait for a White Republican to say something out of line and they pounce.  How does this differ from the NAACP?

There are those who always complain about the problems but when asked to participate, they are too busy or caught up in their own lives to come up with solutions.  How does this differ from the uneducated masses you rail against?

There are those who offer themselves and their ideas as the be all, end all, solution to every problem that ails our communities.  How does this differ from the Elites currently in power, on both sides?

There are those who want to get paid and don’t care how they have sell their people short to accomplish this goal.  How does this differ from Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton?

There are those who act as Racism never existed, doesn’t currently exist, and refuses to give any credence to those who point out obvious contradictions to that belief.  How is that any different from those on the Left who play the Race Card for everything, not matter how ridiculous the argument?

Am I the only one who sees a problem here?  We are putting together the same power structure as the Left.  We are all trying to fit into their game board and we will lose.  Or should I question, have we already lost?  If the awakened and educated among us can’t be humble enough to realize we’re still playing in traps, did you escape the indoctrination?  

And now time for my Personal Indoctrination Testimony!

I don’t trust people.  I learned very young in life, you can’t trust people.  You can admire them, love them, accept them, but very rarely can you trust them.  My mother didn’t teach me this lessons, I didn’t learn it from the Bible, but it was my chief principle during my teenage years.  Don’t trust a guy who says he just wants to chill, at home, for the night.   He’s not by himself.   Don’t trust females that have self-esteem issues.  They gossip and will trash you the moment the opportunity presents itself.  Don’t trust those who place blame on others.  Soon, they will be asking you to give them a ride to the store.

In all of this, I lost the ability to trust myself.  If no one is worthy of trust, then how can I trust myself.  I expect those around me to turn the minute it gets hot in the kitchen.  So when the kitchen gets hot, I’d turn as well.  Even with all I’ve learned about the importance of distrust in breaking a part our communities, I still find it extremely difficult to let people in.  In 2010, I not only started to trust people but I found people trusted in me.    This prospect scared me to death.  It’s unfamiliar, uncharted territory and I don’t like it.

Here’s the question:  Do I let my preconceived notions rule my life or do I walk in God’s word, no matter the discomfort?

Here’s the point:  We must get our head out of the clouds and back to reality.  We all grew up in a society that enforced fear, envy, and distrust.  We can’t pretend we escaped without some of the Liberal mindset sinking in.  Imagining we are without sin, or believing our sin weighs less than others, keeps us from reaching our true potential.  I implore Black Conservatives to find out what part of Liberalism most affected you and reflect if it still affects you.  The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

Restoring Honor Reflection: My Right to be Selfish

September 2nd, 2010 | By Sonnie

I’m BACK!!!!!!!  I know, I know  I’ve been away to long and you’re all wondering what I’ve been up to.  In a nutshell, I was looking at my reflection in the mirror.  I won’t lie to you, I’ve been going through personal turmoil the last 40 days and the mirror tells no tales.  I’ve acknowledged my tears, smiles, and those awkward faces you make when you’re thinking really hard about something that hardly matters.  Oh yeah, my reflection has been my friend for the last 40 days.

So, how fitting that  this weekend’s Glenn Beck Restoring Honor Rally mentions the true need for reflection and correction in our lives.  What a way to end my 40 days.

And this has to be said on my part.  For the critics of Glenn Beck who question his religion, judge him on his inability to separate himself from his religion, or scoff at his gull of openly speaking about his religion, I will pray for you.  Trust and believe that’s not what I really wanted to say but it will suffice for this article.

With that being said, what did I learn about myself in the last 40 days? 

1. I’ve learned to accept my own growth.  There will always be people who remember me as I once was.  But I have the Right to be Selfish and decide to see only what I am now.  I find no joy in rehashing sins I’ve already turned over to God.  I find no happiness in holding old grudges that God is already in the process of working out.  It profits me none to turn away from God’s word and live by someone else’s memory of who I should be.
2. I’ve learned I’ve alwasy been a problem creator, now I’m a problem solver.  My rebellious teenage years caused me more problems than I realized.  Not only did I act out against my parents, church, and school,  I let it seep into my mental process.  When a problem came along, mostly by my own creation, I could rationalize why it was everyone else’s fault.  But I have the Right to be Selfish and immediately ask of myself, ‘What could you have done differently?’  I don’t care who was wrong or right, it only matters that I fix those things which I control.
3. I’ve learned walking in God’s Will shall reveal false prophets.  No one can tell me what God’s Will is.  I speak to God and ,in his mysterious way, he speaks back to me.  I question my language, tone, and subject selection.  I question my colored hair, short skirts, and the stero-type that comes along with those fashion decisions.  But, in the end, I have the Right to be Selfish and be exactly who God made me to be.  He has had his hand in every other decision I’ve made, so if its not broke……..
4. I’ve learned some arguments are not worth having.  I’m the ultimate debater.  Very rarely is there a conversation that I run away from.  But I have the Right to be Selfish and decide where my time would be better spent.  It would be easy to assume I’m talking about politics but that’s way off base.  I’m talking about those everyday conversations that end up putting a crimp in your day.  The time spent talking about what you’re going to do, while you’re actually accomplishing nothing.  Time spent complaining about the things around you, while not lifting a finger to find a solution.  Time wasted on those who can point out every flaw you have but have this uncanny ability to forget they are also flawed.
5. I’ve learned you can’t help everyone and sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is Pray God comes to their heart.  Always offer a hand when you see a person in need.  Always make yourself available to those who need to testify or need to hear your testimony.  Always humble yourself before trying to give advice, especially if its unsolicited advice.  But never take on someone else’s salvation.  I have the Right to be Selfish and accept that I am not God.  I am not omnipotent and all powerful, I am but flesh and bones.  While I can imagine what I want your life to look like, only you and God can make it a reality.
6. Finally, I’ve learned not to get so wrapped up in your own reflection you forget the impression you leave on other people.  God made you in his image and that makes you beautiful.  Not because of the cosmetics you wear, the name-brands you sport, or the kicks you have on your feet and if that’s where you find your self-worth, those around you probably only see the superficial as well.  I have the Right to be Selfish and decide I want to be remembered for my words and actions.  I want to be worthy of the kind messages, well wishes, and constant encouragement I get from those around me and I can’t accomplish that staring at the mirror waiting for it to speak back to me.

I know all this Selfish talk can seem counter-productive but it’s the only solution we have.  We must make the choice to be SELFISH in following God’s word.   So it doesn’t matter what political party you vote for, they must be subservient to your true ideals and principles because you have left them no other option.  You are so steadfast in what you believe and what you stand for, it doesn’t matter the color of a person’s skin if they step out the boundaries of what you find acceptable.  You are so steeped in Truth that you can smell a lie a mile away and it forces other to be truthful in return.

The real truth is, these acts aren’t Selfish, self-serving, or easy.  These are the hardest paths to salvation.  You won’t get the life you’ve wished for, you’ll get the life God planned for you.  You won’t see progress devoid of any striff or disappointment.  You will relapse to old habits and find yourself on your knees asking what went wrong and praying for strength to make it through.  You will start to feel your life is totally out of control and the hits just keep coming.  But in the moments where you need to step out on faith, in the moments where you must speak up, in the moments when you’ve placed yourself so far out on a ledge you can’t see your way back, God will show up.  And if you can reflect back and know with certainty that every move you made was by God’s Will, you will  have no fear.  You will have no doubt.  And when they say you are trying to accomplish the impossible, you can say: “I Selfishly have the Right to say, All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me.  Amen”

He’s in my Soul

May 18th, 2008 | By Sonnie

This is not a site about God. I don’t intend to convert you, nor will I try to save you, but I must tell how much I love the lord. If he had ever touched your life than you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve never felt him, then your missing out. PEER PRESSURE PEER PRESSURE. No just kidding but I could tell you a little bout my life and then you could see why this section is a must.

When I was 17 I was working at Pizza Hut and I got really sick. I mean passing out, they called the ambulance sick. They ran test for days before my aunt told them to test for CROHN’S. She had it and to her it sounded like I had it to.

I wish she had been wrong, but………

So I just graduated high school, a year early mind you, and here I am balled into knots being poked and prodded. I want to say, I never asked why, but that would be a lie.

I possessed one of the seven deadly sins, strongly. I was so vain. I had been complemented on my stomach so many times, I couldn’t imagine having a big scar, so I suffered. For two years, I suffered, because I didn’t want a scar.

I finally broke down. I couldn’t take another week in the hospital. I was missing so much of my life being sick all the time. I had the surgery.

It took me almost five years to realize how CROHN’S had saved my life.

Prior to getting sick, I hated my home life. I did anything I could not to go home at night. I stayed in shitty hotels with my boyfriend and friends, hung around while drugs were sold, and put myself in really bad situations. I liked bad boys and they come with bad things.

When I got sick, I wasn’t able to hang out like I had before. I would get sick and have to go home in the middle of hanging out, and since I was the one with the car, anyone who came with me would have to leave to. People stopped asking for rides and I stopped offering them. I withdrew into myself and there I stayed until I had the surgery.

So five years later, I made a trip back to my hometown. Everybody I used to chill with, were still in the same place. Literally. I could go to the same spots we hung out at as teenagers and these adults were still there. That’s when it hit me.

That could have been me. If I hadn’t got sick, that would have been me. That’s when I opened my heart and begged the lord for forgiveness. I had questioned him, not knowing what the intended plan was. I prayed to take the disease instead of praying for the strength to get through it. That’s my testimony. That’s how I know God is real and he has a plan for me.