Browsing: #DSST

Restoring Honor Reflection: My Right to be Selfish

September 2nd, 2010 | By

I’m BACK!!!!!!!  I know, I know  I’ve been away to long and you’re all wondering what I’ve been up to.  In a nutshell, I was looking at my reflection in the mirror.  I won’t lie to you, I’ve been going through personal turmoil the last 40 days and the mirror tells no tales.  I’ve acknowledged my tears, smiles, and those awkward faces you make when you’re thinking really hard about something that hardly matters.  Oh yeah, my reflection has been my friend for the last 40 days.

So, how fitting that  this weekend’s Glenn Beck Restoring Honor Rally mentions the true need for reflection and correction in our lives.  What a way to end my 40 days.

And this has to be said on my part.  For the critics of Glenn Beck who question his religion, judge him on his inability to separate himself from his religion, or scoff at his gull of openly speaking about his religion, I will pray for you.  Trust and believe that’s not what I really wanted to say but it will suffice for this article.

With that being said, what did I learn about myself in the last 40 days? 

  1. I’ve learned to accept my own growth.  There will always be people who remember me as I once was.  But I have the Right to be Selfish and decide to see only what I am now.  I find no joy in rehashing sins I’ve already turned over to God.  I find no happiness in holding old grudges that God is already in the process of working out.  It profits me none to turn away from God’s word and live by someone else’s memory of who I should be.
  2. I’ve learned I’ve alwasy been a problem creator, now I’m a problem solver.  My rebellious teenage years caused me more problems than I realized.  Not only did I act out against my parents, church, and school,  I let it seep into my mental process.  When a problem came along, mostly by my own creation, I could rationalize why it was everyone else’s fault.  But I have the Right to be Selfish and immediately ask of myself, ‘What could you have done differently?’  I don’t care who was wrong or right, it only matters that I fix those things which I control.
  3. I’ve learned walking in God’s Will shall reveal false prophets.  No one can tell me what God’s Will is.  I speak to God and ,in his mysterious way, he speaks back to me.  I question my language, tone, and subject selection.  I question my colored hair, short skirts, and the stero-type that comes along with those fashion decisions.  But, in the end, I have the Right to be Selfish and be exactly who God made me to be.  He has had his hand in every other decision I’ve made, so if its not broke……..
  4. I’ve learned some arguments are not worth having.  I’m the ultimate debater.  Very rarely is there a conversation that I run away from.  But I have the Right to be Selfish and decide where my time would be better spent.  It would be easy to assume I’m talking about politics but that’s way off base.  I’m talking about those everyday conversations that end up putting a crimp in your day.  The time spent talking about what you’re going to do, while you’re actually accomplishing nothing.  Time spent complaining about the things around you, while not lifting a finger to find a solution.  Time wasted on those who can point out every flaw you have but have this uncanny ability to forget they are also flawed.
  5. I’ve learned you can’t help everyone and sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is Pray God comes to their heart.  Always offer a hand when you see a person in need.  Always make yourself available to those who need to testify or need to hear your testimony.  Always humble yourself before trying to give advice, especially if its unsolicited advice.  But never take on someone else’s salvation.  I have the Right to be Selfish and accept that I am not God.  I am not omnipotent and all powerful, I am but flesh and bones.  While I can imagine what I want your life to look like, only you and God can make it a reality.
  6. Finally, I’ve learned not to get so wrapped up in your own reflection you forget the impression you leave on other people.  God made you in his image and that makes you beautiful.  Not because of the cosmetics you wear, the name-brands you sport, or the kicks you have on your feet and if that’s where you find your self-worth, those around you probably only see the superficial as well.  I have the Right to be Selfish and decide I want to be remembered for my words and actions.  I want to be worthy of the kind messages, well wishes, and constant encouragement I get from those around me and I can’t accomplish that staring at the mirror waiting for it to speak back to me.

I know all this Selfish talk can seem counter-productive but it’s the only solution we have.  We must make the choice to be SELFISH in following God’s word.   So it doesn’t matter what political party you vote for, they must be subservient to your true ideals and principles because you have left them no other option.  You are so steadfast in what you believe and what you stand for, it doesn’t matter the color of a person’s skin if they step out the boundaries of what you find acceptable.  You are so steeped in Truth that you can smell a lie a mile away and it forces other to be truthful in return.

The real truth is, these acts aren’t Selfish, self-serving, or easy.  These are the hardest paths to salvation.  You won’t get the life you’ve wished for, you’ll get the life God planned for you.  You won’t see progress devoid of any striff or disappointment.  You will relapse to old habits and find yourself on your knees asking what went wrong and praying for strength to make it through.  You will start to feel your life is totally out of control and the hits just keep coming.  But in the moments where you need to step out on faith, in the moments where you must speak up, in the moments when you’ve placed yourself so far out on a ledge you can’t see your way back, God will show up.  And if you can reflect back and know with certainty that every move you made was by God’s Will, you will  have no fear.  You will have no doubt.  And when they say you are trying to accomplish the impossible, you can say: “I Selfishly have the Right to say, All things are possible through Christ who strengthens me.  Amen”

He Took Me Away: A Simple Reflection

April 24th, 2010 | By

Whenever things get tough in my life, I start to think back on the past.  I’ve learned there are no new lessons, just lessons learned the hard way and forgotten.  Even the most self-reflective person falls victim to apathy. And it is in this moment God hits you with a dose of reality.

He took me away.  I was only an infant and my mother was addicted to crack.  My father wasn’t ready to  be a single father, so he gave me away.  I found an Angel on earth.  God gave me my mother.

He took me away.  I was always one to question, so he sent me a pastor who welcomed debate.  In the youngest years of my religious up-bringing my pastor preached self-sufficiency, the power of faith, and an always open mind. I had a spiritual guide sent by God

He took me away.  In high school I got Honor Roll without even trying. I did the minimal to succeed and spent the rest of the time skipping. When I was forced to switch schools my junior year, I was awakened.  One old bald teacher asked questions that made me think, this was a foreign concept.  I was used to regurgitation. God blessed me with the true method of learning.

He took me away.  I was surrounded by conservatives that preach liberalism. Single mothers who pay all their bills on time will encourage you to get food stamps. First generation fathers convince their sons abortion is acceptable.  Former felon turned business owner proclaims “The man in trying to keep me down”.   God gave me a sense of humor for irony.

He took me away.  I love a bad boy. A crisp white tee, fresh braids, and an attitude to match.  Crohn’s stopped that fast.  It’s hard to deal with the drama of a hard-headed stubborn male when you spend every other week in the hospital.  God knows better than you, I’ll leave it at that.

He took me away.  Away from his church, away from school, away from my family and friends, and away from my own personal desires.  He took everything from me and I was left wondering what was next. For a long time, I wondered what was the purpose. Why did God put so much time and energy into guiding my life, even when I had turned from him?

Only now that God has built me back up do I understand the wisdom in his plan.  He knew I needed something strong in my life that wouldn’t let me stray to far and he blessed me with Mary. Before she gave birth to me, someone slipped something in her drink.  She hasn’t been right since.  Though I wasn’t perfect, I knew that my actions held consequences.

He knew his church wasn’t what it used to be.  At 16 I began to wonder why the church had never built anything.  Not to be funny but since I was 6 there was a building fund to buy land adjacent to the church.  My Grandmother forced me to attend meetings, so I know the county was selling the land to the church at a reduced price.  To this day, no land.  You get a message, with no real community outreach just judgement, criticism, and a collection plate.

He knew schools were no longer teaching the truth.  I did three book reports on Langston Hughes and was never told he was a Communist.  No books available to me at the time revealed this fact nor did any teacher correct my error.  And don’t even get me started on W.E.B.  I would love to ask just one English or History teacher for the truth about him and the Eugenics movement.

He knew I had surrounded myself with people who had already surrendered.  They are in the same place now as they were when I left.  No progress, no advancement just a bunch of complaints.  I love to talk so I have two options; complain or speak out.  When in Rome……..I’d still be there complaining.

He knew that when I set my mind on something I wanted, or something I wasn’t supposed to have, there was no stopping me.  Even to my own detriment.  The hardest transition is taking your personal desires and pushing them to the side to do God’s will. It leaves you wondering what could’ve been, if you don’t have the faith to put it all in God’s hands.

He took me away and he placed me in this bubble.  In this confined space I have reaffirmed my commitment to God, I’ve captured my history, I’ve build a new group of friends, and now I’m fighting the last step in the process.  Why?  I know what God has in store but I can’t help but want what I want.   God I am a work in progress.  Please keep your hands on me.

Black History Month Without White People: Part One

February 4th, 2010 | By


White people, don’t be mad. This isn’t about you. This is about the Black communities constant need to equate Black History Month with “What White People Did to Black People History Month”. I have but one request. Don’t learn about what happened to Black people, learn what Black people did against all odds. We need a little change in perspective.

 This is coming from one angry Black woman who only now is learning what the schools refuse to teach. We learned about slaves, sharecropping, and Civil Rights, but there was never a true conversation about the Black Faces and who they were as People. The power of Black History is not in the pain of slavery, the injustice of Jim Crow, or the segregation of the ’60’s. The true motivating force behind Black History are the INDIVIDUALS who wielded extraordinary strength againt overwhelming odds.

Normally, a myriad of names would enter the spotlight but what’s the point?   We will hear they invented this, said that, or became the first to…..whatever.  We will learn they were spit on, hung from trees, and separated from their families.  Then February will fade and so will all those Great People until next year.  As a people, we should be ashamed.

We glimpse over a Rich American Black History and claim Africa as our homeland.  Why?  Africa didn’t want us, that’s how we got on slave ships.  Our ancestors’ African enemies won, rounded us up, and sold us off to build up their territory.  We were casualties of War or God had a plan for us.  He knew that this GREAT NATION lay on the horizon and would be incomplete without his beautiful Black Children.

Should we forget where we came from?  NO.  But we can’t forget African Kings like Gezo of the Dahomey who said “The slave trade is the ruling principle of my people.  It is the source and the glory of their wealth……the mother lulls the child to sleep with notes of triumph over an enemy reduced to slavery….”  Now, this may sound silly but I have a little more hatred for another black man that tries to break my spirit.  While we picture Kunta Kinte being broken in America, imagine how he felt when his own kind lead him to those ships and away from everything he had ever known.  Turned from a man into property long before he reached America.

And this is where the BS starts.  The constant chatter and talk about my personal attachment to master or my inability to couple reality with history.  It’s my inability to uncouple reality with history that makes me write articles like this.  I can’t look past people like Anthony Johnson, one of the first slaves to reach America.  He worked, got his freedom, made some money, and bought himself an indentured servant, John Casor.  When Casors time was up, he demanded his freedom.  Johnson said “NO” and went to the courts to maintain possession of his property.  He won and Casor became his slave until death do them part.

A black man, who was once a slave himself, knew the potential of America and took advantage.  Was it right?  Of course not.  But it happened.  Since the very inception of slavery in America, black men have been slave owners. Even when their brothers and sisters were in chains, they were looking out for their own self interest.   That’s important imformation to have in this day and age of blacks leaders like Rev. Al Sharpton and Rev. Jesse Jackson. 

Don’t you even say it.  No, we are not going to talk about white slave owners, it’s Black History Month.  I want to talk about the strength of a WOMAN.  Imagine having no rights due to the color of your skin and top it off with having no respect due to your gender.  Imagine not only risking your life on the Underground Railroad but also trying to protect yourself in a male dominated society.   Image you’re Harriet Tubman trying to convince a slave God has ordained their freedom and all they have to do is trust a BLACK WOMAN.

While we revel in the wonder and strength that is Harriet Tubman, she would be nothing if there weren’t people willing to follow her.  They had jobs, shelter, food, and a structured existence but they RAN away from it all.  They left everything and everyone they had ever known because GOD had sent them an Angel and Guide away from the conformity of slavery.  No longer was everything given to them, now they had to work for it because “not even God will do for man what man can do for himself.”  Nannie Burroughs

Another great lesson to learn in this day and age.  Slavery is about conformity and acceptance.  You conform to your surroundings and you accept what ever is handed to you.  While we fester in Ghettos and public housing accepting welfare and food stamps, there is a modern day Harriet Tubman.  She is a mother that walks her child to school everyday in Chicago because she believes God has ordained him to be more than a street thug.  Now imagine her son looking at the holes in her shoes or naps in her hair, wondering if he should have faith in this BLACK WOMAN.

And this is just part one.  Both good and bad aspects of Black History told without white people.  A focus on how the Matriarchs and Patriarchs of our history treated each other, in addition to their contributions to America.  A glaring mirror into what is loss when we value the actions of others and forget the inaction of our own.  A plea to remember not just inventions, but faith in God, character, determination, and strength.

Remembering Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.: A Conversation with our Future

January 18th, 2010 | By

How do you teach a 5 year old the importance of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.?

Sky(my daughter): Hey Mom, I want to read my new book to you.  I know you’ll like it, it’s about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Me: Sure, I Love to hear you read.  But first, tell mommy about Dr. King’s dream.

Sky: My teacher didn’t talk about his dream.

Me:  So, I talk to you all the time about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  I talk to you about his dream.  Now, what was it?

Sky:  Let me read the book first.  Then you’ll know about Dr. King.

Me: O.K.

Sky(Reading):  Martin Luther King Jr. was a Civil Rights activist.

He marched for equal rights of black Americans

Martin Luther King Jr. won a Nobel Peace Prize.

Me: That’s it?

Sky:  Yup.  Martin Luther King Jr. won a Nobel Peace Prize just like Barack Obama.

Me:  Hold up!   Wait a minute.  Who told you that? (thought I was going to have to spend more time in her classroom)

Sky:  You did.  You said Barack Obama won a Nobel Peace Prize.

Me: OK.  Let Mommy tell you the difference between Dr. King and Obama.  First, what was Dr. King’s dream?

Sky: Judge a man on his color, not his content (she paused for a moment and did her reverse dance)  I mean judge a man on the content of his character and not he color of his skin.

Me:  Yup.

Sky: But what does Civil Rights mean?

Me: Well back in the day, white and black people weren’t allowed to go to the same schools, the same swimming pools, or playgrounds. 

Sky: That’s stupid

Me:  Sure is.  But its a part of our history and as you get older, you’re going to learn more bad things about how blacks were treated in America.

Sky: But we’re not black, we’re brown

Me: Sure are.  But let me question you this, does it matter?  If our goal is to live Dr. Kings dream than does the color of our skin make a difference?

Sky:  Mom, I just wanted to read you a book.  Not have this long conversation.

Me:  Too bad.  You are going to grow up in a world where you get it from both sides.  There are white people who will hate you, just because you’re black and there are  black people who will hate you because you don’t show hate towards other races.  My job is to teach you how to navigate through with the same dignity, pride, love and preservernce as Dr. King.

Your father and I work hard to ensure you can achieve that dream.

Sky: What is prese……?

Me: it means to never stop.  You want to become a veterinarian, than you work hard to achieve that dream.  If someone tells you you’re not good enough, prove them wrong.  If someone tells you it can’t be done, do it and inspire them to follow.  If someone tells you its impossible, tell them you are the master of impossibility. 

Sky: Master of impossiblity, that sounds like a Super Hero

Me:  it does, doesn’t it.  Fly, Master of Impossibility, Fly

(Sometimes you just have to let a kid be a kid.  Maybe it’ll get easier at age 6)

Black Billionaires and Multi-Millionaires under Bush: Hip Hop and Capitalism

January 17th, 2010 | By

Conservative Whisper

Question:  Why do Hip Hop Artist only talk about LIBERAL Policy when they talk about how broke they were, never when referring to how rich they are?

Answer:  Do as they DO not as they say.

During the 2008 election, the vast majority of Hip Hop Artists and Black Elite backed Barack Obama.  Some were direct and stated his black face won their approval.  Others were direct and stated racism of the past made them vote for Obama.  Yet, there was one group that lied through their teeth and stated hard times as a reason for “CHANGE”.   Surprise, Surprise  Most of them reached Billionaire or Multi-Millionaire status under President George W. Bush.

Back to the question at hand, name the Hip Hop song that promotes “Welfare as a mean to Wealth”.  Don’t get it twisted.  Not “Welfare to Riches” because most artist fit that category.  I mean the Hip Hop anthem that encourages public assistance as the pathway to the house on Cribs, the worldwide vacations, or the highly gas efficient Lambo Hybrid (yeah, right).

Question:  If life teaches lessons, why are the Black prevayers of Multi-million dollar businesses not truthfully sharing those lessons with the rest of the black community?

Answer: “Your single was 99cents, mine was Four bucks”  Jay-Z  or “I didn’t enter the game for the music, I did it for the business”  50 cent

They are!  You just hear it in the music, not in their endorsement of a candidate for office.  Hip Hop Artist and Black Elite separate the success they’ve garnered with the policies that got them there.  If you don’t believe me, here’s the proof:

All Under Bush

Oprah Winfrey– avid Obama supporter, yet no friend to the Hip Hop Community.  Oprah has been on T.V. for 25 years and made it on the Billionaire list in 2003.   I know what you’re thinking,  it took her time to build her audience, I agree.  In five years, all under that evil George W. Bush, Oprah tripled up.  She is now worth 2.7 Billion.  Look at the ratio, 20 years to 1 billion and 5 years to 1.7 billion. 

How?  Bush tax cuts that allowed her to invest in O magazine,, and Dr. Phil.  She got to keep her own money and made that money work for her.  That’s capitalism, yet she backs the “spread the wealth” candidate.   Oprah is spreading the wealth, think about all the people she employs.  Why won’t she back the capitalism that made her who she is and provides her opportunity to say, “you get a car, you get a car, you get a car”?

Bob Johnson– backed Hillary Clinton in Democratic Primaries and Obama in National Election.  The founder of BET made his fortune designing a successful business targeted at the black community.   In building his own financial security he provided numerous opportunities, behind and in-front of the camera, to the black community.  He provided Careers, not jobs, for a willing economic group.  Capitalism!  Let’s see how he fared under Bush.

Mr. Johnson was added to the Billionaire list in 2001.  Two years later he was dropped from list after divorce from wife (Yup, 50% straight down the middle).  In 2007 he recouped his loses and made it back to Billionaire Status, all under that evil Bush.  Hey, doesn’t he now own a NBA Basketball team?  Some dream of playing, others dream of owning the team.  Gotta love Freedom.

Jay-Z– Avid Because He’s Black Obama Voter.    (Remember this:  I can’t say I’ve never kneeled before God and asked for better cards, sometimes to no avail.  But I never sat back feeling sorry for myself.  If you don’t give me Heaven I raise Hell)

Let’s take Roca-wear, formed in 1999 as a basic collection of clothes.  During Evil Bush’s tax cuts, Roca-wear grew to purses, shoes, belts, jewelry; basically you name it, they have it.  Jay-Z opened 40/40 club, his own fragrance line, a vodka company, and a small stake in the New Jersery Nets.  His estimated value is around $720 million.

Now, while I’m a huge fan of “Reasonable Doubt” and ” Life and Times, Vol. 1″,  they didn’t sell like they should’ve.  That forces me to believe majority of his funds came during the Bush Administration.  I guess a little money to invest in yourself goes a long way.  (Would you like Liberal Version: I never kneeled before God and prayed for better cards cuz Government prevails. So I always sit back feeling sorry for myself.  They say this is Heaven, what’s hell?)

Ludacris-avid LIAR Obama Voter.   Ludacris made is preliminary fortune selling cd’s out the trunk of his car.  Say it with me, Capitalism.  I strongly dislike the music he produces, but I have to respect his business savvy.  He owns his own record label, has created his own line of Cognac, and owns multiple satellite radio stations.  Did I mention all under Bush?  His net worth is around $500 million.  Not bad.

Sean “Puffy” Combs– avid LIAR and Scare Tactic Obama Voter.  Seriously, hiding under a sheet afraid of a White Woman.  Why did he retain his black card?  He doesn’t make music anymore, at least music anyone listens too, I’m sure he suffered under evil Bush. 

No, Capitalism to the rescue.  Bad Boy (laugh), Sean John (Chi-ching), cologne and perfume, t.v. shows, and production companies (yup, check Run’s House credits).  He does it all and occasionally guest stars in a music video.  Those evil Bush Tax cuts garnered a mere $600 million for P. Diddy.

50 Cent– admittedly not interested Obama Voter.  Fifty didn’t drop his first CD until Bush was fully in office, let’s see how he’s fared. (Remember:  If I can’t do it, homie, it can’t be done.)

G-unit records, Vitamin water, clothing line, movies, production companies, and a promise this is only the beginning.  Wow, those tax cuts make it impossible for the little man to get ahead.  All under George W. Bush, Curtis 50cent Jackson has stacked over $500 million dollars.  (Could he do it with the Liberal Lyrics:  If Government can’t do it, homie, it can’t be done”?)

The proof lies in the number of zero’s lining these icons bank accounts.  None of them list welfare checks or extended unemployment as a major contribution to their uprising.  Instead, they all display belief in their individual abilities to succeed.  When they garner a small amount of success, they take those profits and reinvest in themselves.  That’s the beauty of Capitalism.  You are allowed to fail or succeed by your own desire. 

It is also the prevailing message in Hip Hop.  I sell more  than you, so I have a bigger car.  I’m hotter, so the hood feels me more.  We are in constant competition over who’s the best.  What is the difference in the competition between Exxon Mobil and Shell?  Or Ford and GM? 

It’s all capitalism and ignoring the similarities puts Hip Hop in a position of failure.  If $250,000 a year is rich, how do you think the Billionaires and Multi-millionaires will fare under Obama administration?  The Hip Hop Career creators will stop investing. (Have you heard Oprah turned over to broadcasting network and planned to cancel her show in 2011.  Wouldn’t have anything to do with those pesky taxes in the pipeline, would it?)

Not to mention, the over-whelming damage not acknowledging Capitalism creates in the inner city.  They can listen to a song and dream of living “the good life” but that same artist turns around and advocates for more public housing, food stamps, and overall government dependency.  When will Hip Hop draw the line and share the whole story about their success with the very people that need the most inspiration? 

 As Heard on


Did She Say That: 2010 Resolution

January 7th, 2010 | By

Conservative Whisper

A week into the New Year and I’m still working on a resolution.  By no means am I perfect or without flaws, but this year can’t be superficial.   This years’ resolution can’t be about outside appearance, personal wants, or unrealistic expectations.

I thought I had it.  I’ve been lax on decision making.  I postpone and put off easy and simple decisions and I’m not sure why.  So I prayed on it and received a message from God via FaceBook

 God has more in store for us then we can ever predict, and what we fear are bad choices frequently turn out for the best, because our hidden aspirations know better where we are going than our rational minds.

That sounds just like me.  My mind just isn’t ready to accept what the Lord has prepared for me, all it takes is faith.  Good, Problem Solved.  Yeah right, when is anything ever that simple?   I’ve experienced the battle of inner-faith with God.  I’ve tried to walk the path I thought best and failed, and I’ve walked God’s path and found light at the end of the tunnel; faith is not my issue.

So, I’ve spent the last couple of days trying to figure out exactly what is it that prevents me from making little decisions, even though I have faith that God is by my side and his will shall be done.    So God sent me another Message via FaceBook and this time he attached a member of his army.

Happy Warriors Needed, Nadra Enzi A.K.A. Capt. Black


I wasn’t that happy warrior.  Hey, wait.  I thought I was supposed to be focused on decision making, why is there now a question of my overall attitude?  Where’s the connection?  

After a conversation with Capt. Black, this is what I realized.  We all come from different circumstances.  We may live in the same communities, experience the same situations, and battle the same demons; yet we all have a different perspective on the same journey.   This is unavoidable, lonely, and the greatest gift anyone could ever hope to receive.  We all have the ability to take the same situation and make of it what we desire.

But we have to be willing to make the tough decisions.  How can you be sure of what you desire if you’re stuck between yes or no, stay or go, to forgive or not to forgive, or any other number of small questions we delay answering?    Before you say it, I know those questions that really stick us in place aren’t small, per se.  As we contemplate the outcome they seem huge, but are they really? 

Here’s the twist.  Before you can make a decision, you have to be in control of your own mind.   This is not a question of intelligence or wisdom, more of trust.  Alot of us have faith in God, what we lack is the basic trust in ourselves.  Who knows better the truth behind your indecision?  And if you’re anything like me, a vision just popped into your head and you understand why dieting isn’t working, your business is failing,  or you continue to overspend. 

It’s that little voice in the back of your head that says, “remember last time” or “it was so much easierwhen”.   As Capt. Black pointed out, “That’s the old part of you trying to hold on for its very existence.”  And you listen to that voice becausethe person you were got you to where you are, when everyone else from the same community, the same situation, battling the same demons didn’t make it.

We forget our communities have changed, our situation altered, yet the same demons are after us.  We get stuck due to our inabilityto trust our own personal growth, even though we are self aware, confident, and guided by faith.  We are still human, faulty, and bound to pauseor delay because we just don’t know what’s on the other side.

So the 2010 Resolution for Did She Say that is…..

Trust yourself to be wise enough, strong enough, confident enough, experienced enough, to make decisions, especially the mountains you’ve made of mole hills.

I Don’t Want To Grow Up: Difference Between Maturity and Growth

July 7th, 2009 | By

Conservative Whisper

Personal turmoil has brought about the fall of many great men/women. One’s ability to look at themselves, while still watching the mistakes and mishaps of others without judgment, is the true sign of maturity. One’s ability to actually act in alignment with their mature thoughts leads to growth.

Enough with the cliche’s and scattered words, it’s time to get personal with my blog for a second. I’m a mess. My thoughts and heart are pure, yet the air around me is filled with distractions and decisions to be made. Now the true fight begins.

Do I really want to grow up?

My struggles with God are well documented through this blog. My pride and perspective of self image, overshadows what God has in store for me. Well, that is no longer the case. In the last few weeks, I have been greatly humbled by the movement of God in my life.

Opportunities now present themselves on a daily basis, obstacles seem to move themselves out of my way, but there is a cost to all this. The maturity to accept these changes didn’t come easy. I struggled every step of the way. I’m getting lost in my words, so let me put it to you this way.

Imagine you grew up on barren land with dreams of one day finding a fruitful garden. You struggle and fight to survive inhospitable conditions to one day find your Eden, but it isn’t what you expect. The garden is full of weeds, it hasn’t rained in days, and the fruit is decaying on the branches, how could this be paradise?

Maturity allows you to see, you have made it out of the barren land. It gives you confidence that nothing in this world can break you because you have made it through the worst of times. It gives you hope that persistence in pursuing a dream can pay off. It gives you clarity to accept nothing good comes without some bad.

Sounds good, right? Now you have fruit, even if it’s wilted fruit. You can survive……………How long can you survive without doing some hard work in that garden? That’s growth. Growth comes with a vision of how bountiful and sustaining that garden can become. That vision becomes inspiration. That inspiration becomes effort and focus. That effort and focus becomes hard, back breaking work. That back breaking work becomes the garden you always imagined it would be, maybe more than you could have ever dreamed of.

I just found my Eden and it is full of weeds, it hasn’t rained in days, and the fruit doesn’t look that appealing to me.

To write anything else would be disingenuous. Believe me, I had this whole article thought out in my head. I’d give a little of myself and then leave you with some words of advice. Not this time. This time I ask that you pray for me, nothing more. I believe the future is bright, just right now, it is so bright I can’t see past my nose.

My Michael Jackson Tribute: A Thank You To The Guest of WHWDRadio

June 26th, 2009 | By

I woke up this morning, hoping it was all a bad dream. I was scared to turn on the news because I didn’t want to see a tribute that reminded me, Michael Jackson is dead at he age of 50. Damn!

First, send a prayer out to Michael Jackson’s family, friends, and fans. Now, for my personal tribute.

My favorite Michael Jackson song is, “Man in the Mirror”. “If you want to make the world a better place, take a lookat yourself and make that change.”

Don’t get me wrong, I know all the moves to “Thriller”, I remember singing “Bad” on a record player, “Billie Jean” got me in trouble with my mother, and “Smooth Criminal” was my ‘ish’, but Man in the Mirror has been the one song that always stuck with me. When I was doing stuff I had no business, when I was struggling with my illness, and when I eventually decided it was time to make my voice heard, Michael Jackson was never that far away.

Michael Jackson was a true inspiration, no matter the controversy that surrounded him. He made the world sing together, smile together, and hope together and all he asked in return, that we look in the Mirror and realize we all have the power to make change. In tribute to Michael Jackson, I would like to thank the people that have helped me realize this about myself. We never know how long we are going to be here, so always show appreciation for the people that influence and inspire.

Hip Hop Republicans– Finding a place of acceptance is a difficult task for some, for me especially. I refuse change the way I write or speak, I don’t sugar coat or look for political correctness, basically I don’t fit the mold of the average “Republican”. Yet, they promote both my blog and my radio show. They offer me assistance, advice, and inspiration, with no censorship or maybe you should try it this way. They step back, let me make my mistakes, and support me regardless. That’s the side of the Republican Party we need to share with the rest of the country. Thank You Hip Hop Republican.

Lenny McAllister– I am an official “Lenny should run for office” stalker. I could list his accomplishments but I’d be here all day. To me, he has become a sounding board, a voice of reason, and a “I’ve been where you’re at” perspective. He is always willing to share inspirational words and has exceptional point of views on a varitey of different subjects. Thank You Lenny, for listening on the days I don’t know which way is up.

Nadra Enzi A.K.A. Capt. Black– Have you ever met a man that made you want to become a Super Hero? If not, then you need to meet Nadra. While urban communities focus on what the government is not doing, Nadra focuses on how the urban community is failing itself. With the invent of “Al Thugga”, the name given to the street thugs that run American inner cities, he is shining a light on the destructive forces we give sanctuary. Thank you Nadra, for believing we have the right to walk the streets in our own neighborhoods with out feeling afraid.

Rev. Isaac Hayes– Don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Every once in while, you get a reality check on this statement. Rev. Hayes was my reality check. Check out the musician, DWELLA, and see if you can make the connection. Seriously, check it out. Thank you Rev. Hayes, for giving me confidence that God uses all instruments to send down his word.

Dr. Timothy Johnson– Usually, when people get into positions of power, they forget about the little people. The new VP of the NCGOP, definetly has a lot on his plate. Yet, he took the time to conversate with me on conservative principles and sharpen my ability to fight against Liberal propaganda. But the most inspiring thing about Dr. Johnson, his ability to forgive, both himself and others. No man is without sin but it takes a real man to step up, admit thier faults, ask God for forgiveness, and leave it with the Lord. Thank you Dr. Johnson, for showing me making up for mistakes of the past is one thing, basing your life around them is another.

Andrew Simon– My competitor, LOL. Andrew visited the show this week and indulged me in a little talk about Hip Hop. We took the easy way out because we have some major disagreements about Health care. Regardless, I had an empty slot on my show and he volunteered to step in. Thank you Andrew, for giving me conversations to look forward too.

To all listeners, callers, and critics, I say thank you. Just showing up to hear my annoying voice is enough for me. You are all appreciated.

In looking at my true reflection in the Mirror, there is one more person I have to thank.

Specta– My confidence giver, my idea accelerator, and my first inspiration to do more than just blog. Things happen for a reason and your arrival in my life, truly played it’s part. Thank You for continuing to support me, even froma distance.

If you’re wondering how all this ties into the Death of an Icon, remember, Michael Jackson inspired people. He inspired me and I appreciate his inspiration. And though he knew we loved his music, dance, and creativity, I wonder if he knew how much we appreciated the lessons learned from that music, dance, and creativity. Last night, my daughter watched “Thriller” for the first time. As I watched her imitate the same moves I once spent hours perfecting, it hit me, if we don’t share the lessons of those that inspire us, there will always remain only one reflection in the Mirror. Michael Jackson deserves more.

Here’s Comes The Test: Following Own Advice

May 8th, 2009 | By

It’s been a crazy five weeks. I’ve been so focused on what I want to do, I’ve forgotten what I was put here to do. Now it’s time I take some of my own advice. Let God be free to run your life.

Let’s start at the beginning.

I went to school for Broadcast Journalism about 5 years ago. When I graduated, I planned on going into sports. BTW, I never follow the anointed star, but damn Lebron James is doing his thing.

But God had other plans for me. He decided to bless me with a baby that doctor’s said I’d never have. And with the fear and uncertainty of being a new mom, I turned back to God. I began to pray again and I saw tiny lessons being put in front of me.

I reconnected with my family, gained a love for politics, and a passion to bring real change into the community my daughter would grow up in.

My sanctuary through all this was writing. I was sitting around with my cousins one day and we were all talking about the perfect job. I said my perfect job would be writing. Just to be able to touch people with my stories or poetry. That would be heaven for me.

And what do you know, a year later, And I was happy. I had a publisher looking at my novel, my daughter was healthy and happy, and I was doing what I love. God and I were on the same page and it felt good.

Right in the middle of my comfort zone, God comes storming in, “You ready for your next step?”

Without thought, YES. Because this means my novel is going to be published, my mark will be left, and the future will be full of endless opportunities. So come on, let’s go. I remember getting goosebumps from my excitement.

Bam! Publisher pulls out, editor can’t explain why, and I’m like “WOW”. I thought I was ready?

God said, “You weren’t even paying attention to what I wanted when I asked if you were ready. You had it all planned out in your mind, you weren’t even paying attention to what I was building around you.”

So when I stopped looking at what I thought was going to happen, I began to realize what was happening. My mettle was being tested in another arena. Instantly, I got mad at myself because I had done it again. I slipped back into everyone before me mode.

I was accepting treatment from people, who on a normal day, would catch my wrath. I was seeking advice from people, who had their priority list straight, and were looking out for their own self interest. But worst of all, I had began fighting God again.

He’d make a person show their true colors and I looked the other way. He’d give me hints as to why my book wasn’t really ready and I pounded my feet on the pavement. He presented me with a pathway forward and I procrastinated because of my own fears. God and I were throwing body blows.

You can check my blog for a big block of missing dates and have a perfect time frame for me and God’s little encounter. Fighting God takes so much energy, you have room for nothing else. So I gave up. I went back to praying, let your will be done.

I was in process of planning WHWDRadio but was petrified. I didn’t want to host a show by myself. So I asked my best friend in the entire world to come on with me. Not a good idea, I’ll leave that story for another day. Through all this turmoil and mess, I was writing everyday on my blog. Even though my life was in disarray, God and I were strong.

I get this great opportunity and begin to believe life is getting good again. I show up, do the damn thing, and walk away feeling proud. I had conquered one of my biggest fears, only to be slapped down by the opportunity giver at the next bend in the road.

But God and I were good and it didn’t affect me like it normally would have, instead it gave me a whole new confidence in myself. It was the straw the broke the camels back and the launching pad for WHWDRadio.

Now, to the point. I haven’t been writing on my blog the last couple weeks. I’ve been so focused on what I thought would happen, that I stopped paying attention to what God was building around me.

He was building a platform for his will to be done, not a showplace for my pride or personal ambitions. So where does this leave me?

Outside the ring, deciding if I want to go another round fighting with God. And even at the exact moment I’m writing this, I still have my boxing gloves on. The only difference, I’m about to go upside my own head for not following my own advice.

But that’s the beauty in asking for God’s will to be done. When you start stepping away from his path he gives the clues to get you back on track.

Lenny McAlister came on WHWDRadio Wednesday and hit me with a reality check. I tried to give him the best interview possible, even though I was struggling with some personal demons at the same time. The whole interview all I could think was “Am I really following God’s plan for me?”

After the interview, I get hit with my answer. The whole time I was trying to plan the show, I was getting stuck. My thoughts wouldn’t come together and nothing made sense, and it came to full bare with my lapse on the mute button. I was once again trying to do my own thing and not letting God work through me.

But God doesn’t leave you hanging, so he gives me a caller. After the fact, I can think of million things I could’ve said to debunk his argument but I realize that wasn’t the point. Yes, I love politics, but I care more about the plight in the black community than anything else. And that’s not a problem that can be solved by either party, it has to be done by the people in those communities. And that’s where my focus should be.

That’s a pretty generic lesson, huh? After all that personal turmoil, that’s what you come up with? Yes! A simple and plain lesson that to many of us take for granted. We know it to be true, but it’s a lot easier to point to policies made than it is to mourn the dead. It’s a lot easier to point a finger at one party or another than it is to make the hard sacrifices to save and create wealth. It’s a lot easier to cheer for the black president than it is to condemn the neighborhood drug dealer, gang banger, or future victim that sits and says nothing.

And as a proud Republican, I give them the ammunition to turn the fight to the easy stuff. I bring up Bush, Civil Rights, and the cost of higher taxes. They bring up racism, perception, and name calling. I can’t figure out why the facts don’t add up to them and they are trying to figure out if the Grinch’s heart is bigger than mine. And nothing gets solved.

And now my mental is once again in turmoil. I’m not heartless but I’m not afraid to talk about the tough issues. I’m not winging it, I’ve got the proof to follow up on everything I say. And yet here I am, pushing forward though my path is murky, dim, and uncertain. Praying for God’s will to be done.

If this is a test, I hope it’s graded on a curve.

First, I’d Like To Say Thank-You

April 27th, 2009 | By

I’m back!!!!!!!!!

In case you haven’t heard, I got a new radio show. Yeah!!

That is the reason I’ve been lacking on my blog writing. I’m trying to stay positive for the show and as you know most of my blogs tend to be more critical. So, I’ve been keeping clean and pure thoughts the last couple weeks.

Last week, I met the first person to recognize me from my blog. Super excited, I immediately began to blush. I’m a simple girl, I like simple things and to be recognized really touched me.

But I speak to soon. He did not heap praises upon me, nor did he ask for my autograph. Instead, he questioned why I’m giving up now.

This hit me like a ton of bricks because I don’t see myself as giving up. I think I’m just elevating the fight. But he did not see it that way.

“You write limited stories on Obama and the destruction he is causing our Country. And what makes it twice as bad, you do it in a nice way. What happened to make you go soft?”

After I picked my lip off the floor, I said “Thank you”.

Not for reading my blog. Not for recognizing my face. I said thank you for caring about the country you live in. Thank you for giving me another black face that is tired of the status quo. Thank you for being one concerned citizen with the power to affect change, I mean real change.

More upset than before he yells, “There you go again. Where is that ghetto girl that snaps and thinks about it later?”

I couldn’t answer. I know I’m not the same as I was a year ago but am I really that different now?

So, to the chocolate covered gum drop that caused me, ME, of all people to go silent I say, Kudos. When I first started writing this blog, I didn’t care what anybody thought of what I wrote. Now, I considering what will be said and how to combat those who would disagree. I’m missing that snap now and think about it later.

But that’s not a bad thing. It shows a growth process. I love to argue but I want actual change more than I want a personal rush for myself. So, right now I may have to play along. Right now, I may have to mind my manners and guard my talk. But right now is not forever.

So Yes, my first response may be grateful and humble, that doesn’t mean I’ve lost my sting. It just means, I’m learning to play the game. You can’t change the rules if you haven’t first mastered the originals.

The lessons of my ghetto still hold strong. I know better than to walk in a room and lay all my cards on the table. I always keep a spade hidden.

So don’t fret, the fight continues. The only difference, you’ll have a better educated General leading the attack. Isn’t that worth the wait?